Monday, July 8, 2019

I Had to Do Something

Last night after my post, I walked the dog and ate 4 pieces of cheesy bread. This morning I was up 3 pounds to 223... and thought, oh man. I have to do something. So I did.

Yesterday I wrote about the whole thought process of trying to decide what to do next to address the weight, but deep down I knew it really has nothing to do with which plan I do, but just that I do *something.* Making lists and thinking and deciding and weighing pros and cons and trying to make a commitment... that's all part of my disease process. It's not even about whether the pills will help or the packets are too expired or how much fruit to eat; it's just a delay tactic to keep putting off starting because it is easier to wake up and be conflicted and eat more cheesy bread and figure it out tomorrow.

So I had to do something. I woke up. I drank a glass of water. I took half a phentermine pill. I had coffee and at 10am I mixed up a grape flavored Bariwise protein drink that has no carbs. And then I immediately regretted it because I don't want to "do packets" and there is stuff in the fridge I want to eat and a lunch with friends today and...

but I kept going. I decided as long as each step is something in the right direction, it doesn't matter what it is as long as it's *something.* If that's a mish-mash of phentermine, low carb eating, and scheduled packets, so be it.

Today's intake:
coffee with half and half
Bariwise protein drink
half a burger patty with gravy, some green beans, mixed green salad (which already had vinaigrette on it), roasted carrots, watermelon, and cantaloupe
sliced cheese, summer sausage, mustard, and green olives and a caffeine free Coke Zero
a Wonderslim chocolate protein pudding blended with ice and diet root beer

I will probably have some salted mixed nuts before bed.

Hopefully this will be a good kick start. I just needed to get moving instead of continuing to stand still. I don't have a set plan. I am just going to keep moving in the right direction.


Deniz said...

Blisteringly honest with yourself. That's the Lyn I recognise. I think you may have turned a corner.
You'll figure out what the best way is for you, but by doing that determined 'something' you are on the way back to where you want to be.
Here's to success, and minimal bumps in the road ahead.
Hugs, Deniz

Anonymous said...

Good for you. The hardest part is getting started, right? Don't let perfect become the enemy of good. You are doing the best you can, and you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now! ❤️

MaryFran said...

Kudos! You have started! You are on the way to success now!!!! Great job making healthy choices with your food!

Rebecca said...

So I belong to a group online and one of the basics is make a 24 hour plan, a very realistic one that you can do, and stick to it. You can have anything in your plan - ice cream, chocolate, chips etc, but whatever you write, you stick to. It is about learning to show up for yourself. It's a small basic start. Don't commit to anything you can't do the rest of your life. Thought I would share.

Amy said...

It's not a cakewalk, but eating cake while walking doesn't sound so easy either. Cheers!

Lyn said...

Thank you!! I feel so much better today. And the scale gave me a little reward... back down to 220 today! Only (only??) 35 pounds left to lose to get out of obesity again.

I am posting most of my food to Instagram and am taking it literally one meal at a time. As long as it is the right direction, it's good!

Kerstin said...

Starting is the hardest yet most rewarding step! Go you! Reading this post reminded me of one of my favorite quotes:

"“Your degree of resistance around something will be proportional to the amount of power waiting for you on the other side of that resistance.” — Barbara Stanny

Anonymous said...

Lyn, I think you'll do a lot better to be less reactionary about the specific number on the scale and driving it down immediately. Can you try to think in terms of long-term habits you can establish that will be livable once you've lost weight as well?


LHA said...

Lyn, this is a brave step in the right direction! I totally agree with you, and I have learned it the HARD way, that just doing something, anything to stop the weight gain and try to reverse course is the right decision. As you go through each day you'll find your way. For me it is often one step forward and one step back for a few days or even a few weeks. I have realized that even that is progress and I give it the respect it deserves. Best of luck moving forward. We all know it isn't easy, but as I tell myself at such times "It's not going to get done any other way".

Michelle Himes said...

Lyn, I feel for you. I am struggling too, and I keep going back to something my Weight Watcher leader says to people who are struggling. "Can you think of one little thing that you can change right now - more water, a new exercise, eliminate one trigger food, just one thing no matter how small." Sometimes it helps me to get started on a week or more of doing well. I wish I could give you the key to keeping it going long term. I had it for a while, got down to WW goal and kept it off for a year and a half before going back up again. "Here we go again" has been my unfavorite slogan. But seriously, pick one thing. I usually start by eliminating a trigger food. So far, ice cream and chocolate chip cookies have been the main culprits. I can live without them if I can get past them in the grocery store and keep them out of the house. And pray.