Sunday, June 30, 2019

Can't


220. Can't keep going like this. Like, literally, my pants will burst. I am hanging over the edges of my jeans and have like 3 shirts that fit and my knees are about to give out... so... can't. No real plan or vision in sight, and still standing by the giant poop pile, but starting in with the spoon and trying to figure out where to deposit the bits I am moving. So here goes, again.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I applaud your honesty and am glad you are "digging in." You are still in a better place than where you started, and you have learned many lessons about what does and does not work.

Anonymous said...

It's really hard. I slid back up after radiation and chemo 4 years ago. I lost so much weight while sick and was not able to eat, almost died. Then months later when I could start eating a few things again, it felt like I was entitled to eat as we all wanted me to survive. I could still only eat a few things without gagging. So a whole summer of Kraft Mac n Cheese, cause I could stomach it and a few other weird things. Cheetos and peanut butter cups. (I know...) Now 4 years later I still have some issues with the taste of food and the weight gain from the "entitled" days. But I finally got back into IF and have lost 22lbs. I am hungry now at bedtime, really hungry. But for some reason I was able to switch my brain back to having that be ok. And my one meal tomorrow can be almost whatever I want it to be...(healthier choices now) and I can wait for it. But I know it's hard to switch a brain back, and I'm not quite sure how I did it. I have to do the IF as it controls my addiction to sugar and carbs...like an alcoholic is triggered by alcohol. But I can't just not eat so IF at least keeps most of the day under control for me. Kind of like an eating disorder, but really...if your brain is addicted to sugar and carbs, what else can we do to control the addiction monster? I hope you can find your switch.

Kerstin said...

Hi Lyn, I'm catching up with your recent posts and I feel you. This journey is so hard. But I am grateful that you share it on your blog, you're such a good writer and so much of what you say resonates. I started my first weight loss blog in 2005 and since then I've lost and gained weight and am now at my highest ever at 267 lbs. 14 years of talking about it and doing the odd haphazard diet. I've been feeling so lost and defeated. But your writing has been helping, seeing that this struggle is real for many of us, but also that we cannot give up. I am finally, finally, getting serious again about losing this weight. I decided that I don't need any more therapy or even get on meds (was just prescribed Prozac for first time ever but decided to not take it) - I know where a lot of my anxieties come from that make me numb with food. That knowledge has not translated into action, it's just prolonged what I know I need to do: and that's 'just' to DO IT. I've done a ton of research into people who've lost a lot of weight successfully and kept it off over a long period of time. Many of them track what they eat. And don't overthink it, they just do what they need to do until it becomes a lifestyle. You KNOW what to do because you've done it. And you know what? What has helped you before is likely the thing that will help you again. Keep spooning it and soon there'll be more clarity. xo

Anonymous said...

Lyn, I started reading your blog in I think around 2014. First let me say, we are all different and our bodies react differently. Your blog inspired me to lose weight, and I did, 127 pounds. I've successfully maintained that for these years. I don't know what really drives you, or what doesn't, but I DO get the struggle. Since losing my weight, I've changed my diet a bunch. I eat fish and chicken mostly, but grill/prepare them in different ways. I have some vodka drinks on the weekend, but not crazily so. Chocolate is my weakness...BIGTIME, so I ordered the Stevia Lily chocolate bars,and here and there, I eat a few chunks. I'm very sorry you're struggling, but wanted you to know, I'm behind you,.. if it weren't for you, from 2015, I wouldn't be wearing a size 10!! Thank you, and you'll find your way! I know this is "old", but NOTHING tastes as good as being thin!!

Anonymous said...

There’s a program called CodeRed Lifestyle out there. It’s a mix of Keto/paleo type thing. There is a 10 lb weight loss challenge coming up starting on July 15. It costs $47 but you get access to the Facebook page, daily live videos from the owner/coach (Cristy Nickel). It’s straightforward and it’s easy once you get started. It’s pretty much all real foods which she provides lists of. There’s a daily weigh in form and required to drink a gallon of water/day. There are so many people who have been really successful with it. I’ve lost 20 lbs since April and I’ve been on 2 vacations while losing. It really is doable-you just have to make up your mind.
Check out the website. Good luck to you and keep your chin up!

Cherie said...

Oh love, I feel for you. Crisps were my addiction. I had an op recently and strangely enough I no longer crave them. Through the night I used to get the munchies so started taking celery and carrot sticks in a little glass. It gave me something to crunch and I made myself really chew them. I would have a little sip or two of dilute fruit squash afterwards and felt as though I had eaten something filling.

Chris said...

Hi No one said losing weight was easy, in fact it's damn hard.. I looked at this video that some one had posted on one of the comments https://www.facebook.com/groups/250522605493693/
And it made a lot of sense. I can keep to a weight reducing food plan but because I don't move around a lot my weight loss is extremely slow. It has taken me 6 months to lose 14 pounds, I wanted to lose 42 pounds, so I shall keep going and watching that you tube I will set my weekly target at 5 mins walk each day instead of sitting around. I can do that when I set myself 20mins over a week I failed, so 5 mins walking I can do!

Anonymous said...

Praying for you girl, you can do it : )

Amy said...

I've said it before but I'll say it again. Watch, listen or look at things that inspire you. Watch episodes of My 600 Pound Life or google Weight loss success stories, look at fitness magazines if that inspires you, or read a book that will help you delve into your issues around food. I am currently reading Brain over Binge Recovery Guide and it is pretty eye-opening about how the reward centers of the brain (limbic system) combined with dopamine and opioids condition us to seek out things that we know are not good for us. But there are thousands of books to read about food/eating etc. I know you are a researcher, I feel positive you'll find a way that works for you.

Mrs Swan said...

Off the wall idea here. What about making a list of all your favorite healthy foods and then only eating those for a few weeks to kick something new off. We all know you can lose the weight. The proof is in the pictures....

Keep on keeping on. We all know this is an uphill battle. You are further along than you were which is good but you need to either plant your feel and maintain or resume your hike depending on you.

We are all rooting for you!

MaryFran said...

You had your bold wake up call! You can do one of two things. You can give up and accept a life where walking is difficult or not even possible (due to the knees) and where you keep buying clothes one size larger. OR you can pick up that spoon and change the ONE thing that you and only you have control of....your food intake! The choice is yours. And yes, I’m aware that this makes it sound easy....it’s not! The first option is easy...requires you to do nothing but sit back and allow your weight to rule and dictate your life. The second option takes work...but soooo worth it!

Diana said...

I hear you Lyn, and I know that feeling. I'm on the struggle bus with you (as usual - we seem to live parallel weight loss/gain lives). I certainly have no answers for you. I'm over my cocky, "I've got this, I know how to do this!" attitude. I'm just another human struggling with my weight. I definitely don't have any answers.

I'm looking forward to your next post, because knowing you, you've already turned it around and are getting back in control.

Keep fighting the good fight Lyn. I'm cheering you on from the sidelines or maybe, walking next to you as we continue our journey :).

Linda R said...

The struggle is real...and you are brave and inspiring to talk about it. Do you remember the old saying about how to eat an elephant...one bite at a time! Or, take baby steps.....if you can only do one thing on the to-do this, that is just fine. Or work on something for five minutes...that is just fine as well. Baby steps will get you where you want to go...who cares how long it takes? Sending prayers your way. Please take care.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lyn,
I can feel how painful this all is for you. Please remember how many of us can sit right beside you and understand this from personal experience. You are braver and more tenacious than you realize! I gained back alllllll if my weight that I lost on Medifast (with you) in 2010. I haven’t tried to lose it again. I’ve just stayed this way, fluctuating here and there with 10-20 pounds. I need to do it again. I need your tenacity!!!! I will keep reading, keep following and now I’m ready to start losing. Never give up!!!
Theresa in Alberta