Sunday, April 21, 2019

Tomorrow


Happy Easter everyone! If you've read my blog for long, you know Easter is a trigger holiday for me. And this year is no different... it's a chocolate festival around here lately. I'm not excited by the fact that this year was a "junk" year; many times, I've been able to reign it in and just have one marshmallow bunny or a bit of sugar free chocolate. But this year I was already sliding on carb hill, so it was no stretch to grab several kinds of candies (hey, at least I was not fooling myself that it was "for the kids") and indulge over the last few days. The scale is showing the results with a five-pound gain (no, it wasn't *just* Easter candy; it was hot dogs, toast, pasta... you know the drill). And as I have many years in the past, I said, "I'll start on Monday." Day after Easter. Tomorrow.

It's a risk I take when I decide not to start *right now* because maybe tomorrow there will be some other reason to put it off. It's been much easier when I have just looked at the whole thing as my life and not some start-and-stop diet or eating plan; that's the real goal here... to get back to my usual way of life where I am happier without the junk. Sugar is addictive, though. Which is why I am going to start going to OA again, giving it a shot in a different location to see if I can find some new tools to help me stop the habit of returning to junk as a drug, even after weeks, months, or years of staying away from it.

I'm not unhappy. That's probably what makes it hard. Back when I started this blog, I was miserable. Truly miserable. Unable to walk the beach with my family even a short distance... unable to hike with my kids... I was depressed and humiliated. That was motivation enough to force myself to get started and keep going on my weight loss. I also had health issues and pain and it was just hard to do anything, even sleep without waking up choking on my own vomit because I ate too much before bedtime and my body was not even able to keep the food down. But now none of those things are issues. The only thing that really bugs me is my clothes not fitting... that, and the occasional look I get when someone notices the recent gain. I feel pretty darn good. I know I feel better 25 pounds lighter, though, and will be healthier, too. So I will work on it again.

So once again I say, I'll start tomorrow, Monday's the day. But it's not the temporary, lose-weight diet start day. It's just the day I quit mistreating my body and start eating lower carb and better choices again.

24 comments:

Joy said...

Thinking of you today and hoping it will go brilliantly for you. xx

MaryFran said...

Every minute is the perfect time to restart!!!!

I like how you put the reasons you started to lose weight...the motivation to get you where you are! Focus on those things...because the sloppy slope leads right back to that kind of life!!! Take it from me. I slide backwards (luckily not the whole way back...but enough that some of my obesity related issues have resurfaced!). Focus on the reasons you started in the first place and make this start again one that sticks!!!

Anonymous said...

I am starting Monday too. The day after a holiday is a great time to get clean again. Throw away any leftovers and get a fresh start. I am doing Keto, you?

heidi said...

I think it is important to get to the point where you understand THIS is never going to end. You WILL have periods of letting loose and eating junk and regaining 5, 10, or 15 pounds. What you have to understand and accept is that you will not fail as long as you understand you are going to have to have periods of restriction following those episodes. That's fine. You've had your party and now it's time to be diligent and get it back off. That is what a lifetime of weight maintenance looks like. It isn't being 175.2 every morning for the rest of your life. It is consistently getting on the scale (don't fool yourself about where you are at!) and making a daily choice about restricting, letting loose a little and having birthday cake, or just having a normal satiation lowish carb day that results in almost no weight loss at all. That's what maintenance looks like. Dealing with it every day. Day in and day out. It never leaves your thoughts 100%. That's okay though. The alternative is worse.

For me regain happens when I have gone weeks (or months!) eating whatever I want in the quantities I want and never stepping on the scale, until I am up 30, 40, or 50 pounds. At that point, it is very easy to "give up" and bury my head in the sand and feel hopeless. I could regain everything in a matter of 4 months I think. (I am down 85 pounds and holding steadyish for the last 6 years). So I keep getting on the scale EVERY morning. And some days I do better than others, but I sure have tried to quit lying to myself about how much I weigh every day.

LHA said...

Somehow yesterday seemed like a day of renewed hope for me too. I'm not religious, so it wasn't in that sense, but just an idea that it was possible to start anew on several fronts I have been struggling with. I hope Spring will bring everyone the energy and courage that they need in some part of their life. I also wanted to say that I really feel you on the shopping for a dress to wear to the wedding. I actually wear a lot of skirts (in all lengths) and sweater sets or nice knit tops and find them easy to mix and match and some can be worn all year round. I do find that if I can find a skirt and a top that are the same color it helps slenderize and elongate the body. Monochromatic kind of works for me. Good luck going forward. I've gotten a lot of inspiration from you over the years.

Amy said...

Sugar is so addictive and you have to be in a very strong mindset to give it up. The first couple days are the hardest, then it's a breeze. Use your sugar-free versions of foods to help you make it through so the blood sugar roller-coaster can at least subside.
Do you journal? It might be helpful for you to work through the emotions, which could be driving some of the food choices. I know you can get a handle on this again and cruise right through the summer. You are just on a little mental break but you always spring back!

liz said...

This was a "bad" junk Easter for me also...

Anonymous said...

I thought my problem was that I was "addicted" to sugar for years. Addiction being connected to emotional problems and weakness of character. So I thought I could fix it through willpower, working harder, whatever. But brain chemistry is a funny thing. I found out insulin surges are necessary for certain neurotransmitters to cross the blood-brain barrier. Carbs literally do make you feel better. And ironically, after a while, they can give you the willpower to start the whole cycle over again, feeling energized and positive and determined to do the same damn thing again that had never worked: cut them all out, get healthy, blahblahblah.
I found out I have ADHD and started taking adderal - a stimulant. Surprise surprise, my so-called addiction disappeared. My brain chemistry was more balanced.
I've noticed you love stimulants - coffee, chocolate, sugar. I've noticed you wrote that on phentermine you felt "something is finally fixed." I bet the thing that was finally fixed was your dopamine levels. I bet your carb-fasting-cycle will continue in perpetuity because part of what you're dealing with is a biomedical issue. I'm sure there was lots of emotional baggage too. I'm sure you need to deal with that. But I'd bet good money there's brain chemistry involved too. The lack of motivation and follow-through (biking across America any more? no? how many days did that last?) is also a symptom of things like ADHD.
My adderal has not magically resulted in weight loss for me, but it has magically changed my cravings and eating habits for the better. "Magic" indeed.
I have no interest in criticizing you. I've just noticed this pattern on your blog for a long time. I think this is going to be the last time I read your blog or comment on it, not because I think poorly of you, but because I think I've learned what I need to learn. I wish you luck in the rest of your journey. You never would have kept at it this long without willpower, so willpower is probably not something you lack, even if you feel like it. But the struggle against brain chemistry is not easily won.

Anonymous said...

If you are trying to break an addiction to sugar, you might avoid the many sugar free desserts/coffee syrups/etc. you seem to enjoy. From what I understand, these fake sugars, while lower calorie, don't do anything to actually lower your sugar cravings and might actually make you crave more sugar because they are much sweeter than natural sugars.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/artificial-sweeteners-sugar-free-but-at-what-cost-201207165030

Getting out of the habit of having artificially sweetened drinks and desserts on a frequent (daily?) basis might really help you reduce your sugar cravings.

Diana said...

I have followed your blog for a long time and have commented a few times. Our weight loss struggles have been similar. Over the years I have joined all the weight loss groups OA included.I would lose weight but always went back to my bad habits and gain. I just found a Canadian Obesity doctor online. I watched one of his YouTube posts and I could identify. I am hoping that accepting that I have a chronic problem that needs constant care just like any other medical condition will get me healthy. Thinking that all I have to do is lose the weight by any means and all will be okay hasn't worked.Something clicked when I watched this video. I thought I would share.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9hRhsaopz4

PamL said...

I'd like to see the research that Anonymous is talking about regarding a brain chemical imbalance causing mental health problems and/or addictions- I've read multiple articles in recent times that state how that theory was proposed, but now that time has gone by, ther has been absolutely little to scant evidence to support it. I'm not saying that addiction or mental illness isn't real. I'm just saying to keep tossing around the idea that there is some sort of "imbalance" in the brain is probably not legitimate. As far as weight loss, there are so many issues surrounding food and our relationship with it, I am not sure it can be pinned on one thing. Good luck to you, Lyn, as you continue on your journey of life. We are all on a journey- many times which is not easy or straight.

https://files.ondemandhosting.info/data/www.cchr.org/files/Blaming_The_Brain_The_Chemical_Imbalance_Fraud.pdf
https://www.bbrfoundation.org/content/moving-beyond-chemical-imbalance-theory-depression
https://chriskresser.com/the-chemical-imbalance-myth/

Anonymous said...

I hope you tackled the week with your positive attitude! It's always difficult coming back to healthier eating, but I notice after day 3 of staying away from sugar and carbs, it's not nearly as bad as the first 2 days. Best of luck to you.

Anonymous said...

How are you doing?

In my experience I can't maintain weight or fitness by just saying "oh well, this is acceptable." I have to be improving something or actively engaged in some way or I don't feel motivated. For me that means setting interim goals like "get leaner so I can do more pushups" or "go 3 months without added sugar" or "learn to do a headstand" something like that. I think most healthy people do this... My brother has never had a weight issue but also periodically gives up dessert or undertakes a challenge like trying to do a muscle-up or increase his bench press. Obviously, not all of us can do muscle ups... But I think we can all improve or challenge ourselves. Imho that feeds some of the need we have that addiction can fill. We want to have goals. When we don't, we develop fixations, sometimes on food.

I mean, you could "this is fine" yourself right up to 250 pounds, which has happened in the past, right? That's the slippery slope there.


--cron

Anonymous said...

From Health At Every Size book, by Linda Bacon:

“Dieting:
-slows the rate at which your body burns calories
-increases your body’s efficiency at wringing every possible calorie out of the food you do eat so you digest food faster and get hungrier quicker
-causes you to crave high-fat foods
-increases your appetite
-reduces your energy levels
-lowers your body temp so you’re using less energy (and are always cold)
-reduces your ability to feel “hungry” and “full”, making it easier to confuse hunger with emotional needs
-reduces your total amount of muscle tissue (and you may know that a pound of muscle burns more calories than a pound of fat)
-increases fat storage enzymes and decreases fat-release enzymes

The message here? Don’t blame yourself when you “break” your diet. It’s not about gluttony or a failure of willpower. In fact, most dieters show extraordinary self-restraint, persistence, determination, and willpower. You didn’t fail; the diet did.”
Diets are a sure fire way to gain weight and be unhappy. Take care!

Anonymous said...

Welcome to another Monday! I hope all your tomorrows are going well.

Anonymous said...

How’s it going Lyn? The weather here in the ONW has been amazing! Hope that you are well

Melanie said...

I miss your posts. Even if things are in a downward trend, you may find posting will set things in the right direction!

Duchess of Weight said...

I totally get "tomorrow". That is where I am too. The death of my grandfather hit me harder than I for a long time would truly admit. So here I am saying tomorrow. The problem with that tomorrow never comes and I am gaining.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog for many years. Always interested in how you are doing. Why haven't you posted in a long time? Hope all is well.

Anonymous said...

How are you doing, Lyn?

Longtime follower

Anonymous said...

A whole month without hearing a word from you? It doesn't matter if you are up or down, it's life. But we worry about you.

Anonymous said...

Lyn! What’s going on?! I hope that everything is ok? Frenchie

Honib1 said...

Lyn .. its good to see you fighting the good fight.. glad you are alive and well.. I pretty much gave up blogging for fb... but i like to check in from time to time... be well and stay healthy ! Still love reading your posts..

Ruth-Hanna said...

Checking in. I've missed your emails and am grateful for your willingness to be vulnerable. You inspire me.