Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Wow, That Happened Fast


I was hoping that by February 1, I would be able to reverse the scale and see the regained pounds drop back off with going back to lower carb eating on an intermittent fasting type daily schedule plus exercise. Instead, the scale has kept moving upward, ticking pound after pound onto my body. I'm not liking that but apparently not unhappy enough about it to work harder on weight loss. If I seem ambivalent, I am. The only thing that makes me stop and think and feel a little anxiety about my weight is getting closer and closer to 200 pounds. I worked so hard to get this weight off and I know from past experience that it can easily come right back, one tiny bit at a time, almost unnoticed... especially if I avoid the scale and get in the "maybe tomorrow" mindset. Plus there's the clothing issue.

The phentermine isn't making any difference, so far. The skipping breakfast most days isn't, either, but I am eating much larger portions for lunch and dinner now, including sweets and starchy breads and potatoes. I have the knowledge to fix this but not the drive. Aside from the accident recovery which is still taking place and the new limits on what I can wear, I'm happy. I wake up smiling and go to bed content. I sleep well. My days are busy in the most fulfilling way. I do spend more time eating socially now, but I have not kept my small portions/lower carb limits in place for those occasions. And exercise still hurts, so I avoid it.

Today the scale says 194 pounds. I am up 19 pounds from my low in the fall. I am just going to have to jump in and do this regardless of my feelings about it. I will be more motivated to keep going once I see some results. I forgot all about my line in the sand and it's time to pay attention again.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've been there and it sucks. I admire your honesty ~ most bloggers quit posting when they regain. I'm not going to offer advice; you know what to do, you know what your pitfalls are. Please also know that you have support here, no matter what phase you're in. I'm sure the haters who were waiting for you to slip will be high fiving over this post but they are the monority. Hugs, girl. Enjoy your inner peace. ☺ denise

Amy said...

Some times you just have to fake it til you make it! That's how New Year's was for me and luckily I have been able to stay on track, mostly. The first step is always the hardest. You got this!

Trace4You said...

It sure sounds like it’s the change your body is experiencing with the chronic pain situation from the accident. Everyone responds to pain differently, so no one should judge. Even the ambivalence is chemical (survival mechanism). It’s just such a set back, because you worked so hard, omg, lost the weight twice, coming back from a huge regain. This may be more than you can control. The fact that you came and blogged today proves your tenacity. That is inspiring, I am sorry your journey is experiencing this turn of events.

Carole Medley said...

Lyn, just keep trying. Sooner or later something will click and you will find yourself succeeding again. Love, Carole

MaryFran said...

That’s a rough place to be...believe me...I know! Start to think though...it’s hard work but is it worth it? Bet you find the answer is yes!!!

LHA said...

I bet just about everyone who reads your blog has been in this spot at some time. Some of us have been there many times. I'm not sure what causes the "click" that you need to snap back into action and reverse course. For me it is usually something with my health or some personal event that wakes me up. You say you lack the motivation right now but I think it's just hidden. The desire and the knowledge are still there and you will find a way to bring them to the surface again. Good luck! I know you can do this.

Anonymous said...

Habit is an incredibly powerful force. I can get used to weight loss habits, but when I start to slide a bit, like eating a sandwich for lunch instead of protein and vegetable soup, or just eating more fruit and nuts per day than I should, it gets harder and harder to go back to more restrictive eating. On the bright side, it's easy to get back into the mode of "OK, no nuts for a snack for two weeks and no fruit after breakfast!" once I draw that line in the sand. It becomes almost a relief to have clearer lines drawn. Then I can start incorporating things in moderation again once I've reset. I hope you can get to that place. Something I remind myself is that treat foods don't taste as good when they become everyday foods.

I hope this helps. --cron

Lyn said...

I dunno... I am making biscuits and gravy this morning and all the while thinking, "I'd probably feel better just having coffee and not eating til noon." But... biscuits and gravy. It's a little scary how quickly food can get its voice back.

Anonymous said...

Since you're struggling, here's my suggestion: today, eat the biscuits and gravy. Focus on how you feel physically and mentally (not great would be my guess). Then, tomorrow, when you're faced with a similar decision, you'll have ammunition to push you in a different direction. That's all I got.

--cron

Melanie said...

Lyn, I don't think I've posted before, but I wanted to - our weights are almost similar, I just had my thyroid removed a few months ago so now I'm on Synthroid, I'm also on phentermine, and I've had some setbacks recently.

Just a word of encouragement - yes, biscuits and gravy - the food "regains its voice" so, so quickly. Give yourself some grace. It's when we don't forgive ourselves (and as you said, then ignore the consequences of our actions) that things begin spiraling.

I liked the anonymous poster's comment above. Sometimes baby steps are the ones we can commit to (even though we've made them endless times before) and it's better to do that one, semi-do-able thing (commit to low carb again, for example) and - for a time - forget about the rest. Not that you'll forget about those things (exercise, portions, planning, whatever) forever, but when you're in that ambivalent stage its worth it to try something that seems "easy enough."

Anyway, I don't know any cure for ambivalence, and I've been there. OK, actually I am there now. I'm just trying to make it as easy as possible for myself to have my default settings be the ones I know will result in progress, and to also respect and acknowledge the negative thoughts/behaviors/etc. as well. And then let them go.

Hang in there!

Wendy said...

Hi Lyn - as other people mention - yes, we've all been there! Sometimes we are really in the zone - and sometimes we are about 180 degrees the other direction! The zone will come back.

As for the biscuits and gravy you mention, yes, having food triggers right in front of you is too much for me, and many others. I have to keep trigger foods out of my environment. Maybe that would help you, too - not making things like biscuits and gravy, keeping them out of your environment - at least while you are struggling? Wishing you the best.

Anonymous said...

The thing is ... you're happy, not miserable about it! I think that's great.

Lyn said...

Well, today was better.

Breakfast was just coffee with sugar free creamer, and some black coffee mid morning.
Lunch was the skin off some roasted chicken thighs, some Veggie Straws chips, and a slice of cheese.
Dinner was one piece of cheese pizza.
There were freshly baked chocolate chip cookies for dessert. I had 3.

Hey, it's a step in the right direction! Shorter eating window, smaller portions. I'll keep going.

Anonymous said...

Lyn, it was funny to read what you wrote on 2/1 because I woke up this morning thinking I should tell you something that works for me when I get off track and it is very similar to what you are already doing. For me it is usually after a trip or a holiday like Christmas and I find myself in the exact position you are in. I take one thing at a time, starting with something easy like not eating between meals. Then I add another better choice and another, until I am back to my correct way of eating. I might work on stopping eating when I am not hungry, then cutting back carbs, then smaller window of time, etc. The last thing for me is usually "no sugar" as it is the hardest thing of all. Just wanted to pass this on since it's the only way I can ever get back on track. Best of wishes to you! Remember to be kind to yourself too.

h2oratt said...

I struggle with the food talkin* to me. Not sure how to make that go away.