Sunday, December 16, 2018

Two Week Update

I can't believe it's been two weeks since I posted about the regain. I just haven't had it in me to weigh except for, I think, once between then and today. I tried to eat better and started posting on Instagram again but that didn't last long before I was sitting here wondering if I should post a picture of the Cadbury Fruit and Nut bar I had for dinner that day. I decided against it and went silent.

I didn't fall headfirst into junk over the last two weeks, but I am still eating stuff that makes me feel bad. Part of that is probably an unhealthy response to feeling trapped and helpless over my pain and inability to do the things I want to do. But there is a part of me that says, no. I am not going to do this again. I cannot regain a hundred pounds AGAIN and I certainly can't lose 100 pounds a third time. That thought has been enough to reign in the eating *some.* I am working back into the good habits that got me to this point: making better choices, choosing smaller portions, and narrowing my eating window so that all I have most mornings is coffee with cream until noon or later when I eat an actual meal. And tonight I am having white chicken chili, which will be posted on my Instagram later.

I went to my counselor last week and talked to him about why I feel like I can't cope with all the restrictions and pain unless I am eating a lot. And he talked to me about the usual things people use to cope but how I can also use my social circle, friends, volunteer work, and church as reasons *not* to overeat. And that makes a lot of sense to me emotionally. So I have been working on making the choice to do well for those reasons... so that I can get back to being more active in those things, which, to me, is far more motivating than just wanting to fit in my clothes and not wanting to get fat.

As for physical therapy, I went for my first visit and they turned me away. They did some testing and an exam and said I was not healed enough to start PT. I was so disappointed. I have another appointment this week to see how I am doing and whether they can do anything to help me or not. If not, I'll just have to rest, heal, and wait until they say I am ready.

Weigh in today is 187 pounds, which is basically a maintain over the last 2 weeks. If I can stay around this weight through the holidays, I will call it a success. Soon, I hope, I will be healed enough to start some kind of exercise. But in the meantime, I am learning to enjoy the forced time off. Even though it's not my choice, I can choose to see it as a blessing and use the time wisely.


Anonymous said...

I'm proud of you, Lyn. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.


MaryFran said...

I am happy to hear that you are sitting back and allowing yourself to heal and starting to see the imposes time as a blessing! You WILL heal and you will be stronger and better than ever!

Congrats on the maintain! That is a HUGE victory!!!! Keep up the good work of talking yourself off the ledge of eating your emotions!’nn. You’ve got this!!!

Diana said...

I’m proud of you too Lyn. Maintaining during this stressful time is amazing and a huge accomplishment. Especially when you’re in pain and can’t exercise and are sort of trapped. I don’t think I could do as well as you’re doing considering your circumstances. Not to mention it’s Christmas (that alone makes me a little crazy. 😀 Continue to do what you’re doing which is basically maintenance. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a good thing. There’s a new year around the corner. And you accomplished a lot in 2018. 2019 will be even better. You should be proud of yourself too.

Badger said...

Welcome back and stay strong. Sending positive vibes xx

Laura said...

I think you should be so proud of the fact that you have maintained your loss even while going through an extremely difficult time. So many of us struggle with maintaining even at normal times in our lives. I am thinking of you and hoping you have a great Christmas.

Anonymous said...

I don’t like being forced off my planned path either- I’m really perfectionist. Something has derailed me too and I’m trying to relax and go with the flow.

It’s harder than it seems! Glad you’re sounding like you’re in better head space. Merry Christmas.

JeanneTops said...

Congratulations! Maintenance is hard to begin with, forced maintenance is even harder. I really like what your therapist said - set your goals to have the friends and activities that you enjoy and appreciate rather than weight and fat loss. Filling your head with positive thoughts rather than guilt and self-criticism. Taking intermediate steps rather than the "all or nothing" approach is great.

And well done on getting on the scale again! Whatever you choose to do, do it with your eyes open.

Carole Medley said...

Courage, Dear Lyn!

Anonymous said...

I am rooting for you Lyn! Life is such process and we are all still evolving everyday. I hope you find your peace as we all deserve happiness. You inspire me and have inspired me this last year to restart my journey to a healthier me. Take solace that the human body has an incredible ability to rebound and recover. May this season of love and giving help you on your journey! Peace be with you.