Sunday, November 25, 2018

I Just Don't Know

I am all over the place emotionally, and my weight is reflecting that. I'm all over the place physically, too: one minute feeling good, the next in awful pain. I go half a day without needing pain medicine, so I think I can fold a few clothes and put them away and then I am sidelined with pain for 24 hours. Happy one minute, in despair the next. Laughing on minute, getting dizzy and almost fainting the next. This whole thing is so unpredictable and that is what sucks. If I could just have a timeline over which I knew I would gradually and predictably get better and better, that would be tolerable. But not knowing how long it is going to take to heal (really) or how I will feel hour to hour or what exactly I should avoid to keep pain away is messing with my mind. I'm glad I have a counselor to talk to this week, because this could turn into depression real fast if I don't stay on top of it.

My weight has been crazy too. From 178-180 early in the month, to 188 less than a week ago, then 185, 183, 181, 182, and today 184. Maybe it's not *that* huge of a fluctuation, but my weight's been pretty stable with narrow fluctuations for the most part so this is a bit disconcerting. I'm having to work harder on the "calm" part of the equation, and trying to keep the sense of peace. I just don't know when it is going to get easy again... emotionally.

So that's my weigh-in for the week, which is decent I guess with a 4 pound loss from my bump up to 188. I'd like to hang around 180 through the holidays and then see if I am able to lose some weight in the new year.


MaryFran said...

Stop stressing about your weight...plan to keep it within 5-10 pounds before you really panic....that should take one stress away.

As for the rest of it...just take one day at a time and know you are healing!!!

heidi said...

Agreed. Cortisol is high now because of stress and pain. You are also facing the holidays. Being 184 is dream come true coming from 270 if you can HOLD IT. Your line in the sand needs to be 190 (for days after holiday parties, etc) and give yourself grace. :) Weight is permanently lost when you learn to manage not regaining. Embrace that you are facing a difficult season of life right now and give yourself grace in this area. Not to regain, not to lose weight, but to hold where you are right now. (Coming from a 43 year old female who lost 90 pounds and has kept it off for 5 years). Springtime will be here soon and it will be easier to get outside and exercise. This is another opportunity for your skin to spend some time recovering and to practice maintaining.

Wishing you the best!

Anonymous said...

You are fine! You are probably in swell hell from your injuries. As soon as you heal, the swelling will go down and you'll be at a new low. Just rest!