Sunday, April 15, 2018

Sunday Weigh In and Other Stuff


You know how I said I was going to weigh every day, because then I would catch any rapid changes of multiple pounds before they got out of hand? I figured that unless I went on a binge rampage or ate a block of salt, there is no way I'd see a change of more than a pound or two on the scale overnight or even over a couple of days. And hey, if I see a 2 pound gain, I would get right on that and work it back off before the scale could go up any more. So that's what I've been doing, except I got a real surprise on the scale one morning this week when I stepped on. I'd been staying right at 198, eating pretty healthy and lower carb (my Instagram with my food posted is here: lynescapes) and even dropped down to 197. Then suddenly overnight I had a 2 pound change... in the *right* direction! I totally did not expect to see it but there it was: 195 pounds! And there I have stayed since. That's 3 pounds gone this week, just trying to maintain. Very unexpected, and although I am not actively trying to lose right now and have increased my food (and still slack on the exercise), I am glad there are a few more pounds between me and my maintenance line in the sand, which was 199. I am dropping that to 198 now.

The last time I weighed 195 pounds or less was in early October 2011. I know from looking at my past posts that I was wearing size 14W jeans back then, but I've been wearing 16's this time around.
One of the reasons I decided to just maintain here is because I want to get used to being at this weight and allow my emotions to settle about the weight loss and bodily changes. Last time I lost the weight, I think that anxiety about skin, clothes, and body dysmorphia drove me right back up the scale to a more familiar, comfortable size. I want to avoid that this time around and keep my calm, not only about the food but also about my body and my clothing. Stay this size, get used to the still-very-tolerable bit of loose skin and the clothing that I fit into now without any drama or stress. But there was a bit of a hurdle to that peace this week.

The size 16W jeans I've been wearing have gotten looser and looser over the past month, so I knew I was going to need to grab some smaller ones out of a drawer soon. A few months ago I had neatly folded several pairs of size 16 and 18 capri jean shorts and summer pants (none of which fit me then) and put them in the dresser for spring. What I didn't count on was that ALL of them would be way, way too big for me to wear now. I tried them on yesterday and they're baggy, falling off me. All of them. Even the fairly new ones! Trying on seven or eight pairs of pants and tossing them one by one into the get-rid-of pile brought up all the old feelings I had last time around: sadness, wastefulness, worry about what I will wear. I know lots of people will think "boy I WISH I had that problem! Be thankful you're too small!" and I am. But there is an uneasiness and even a sense of distress every time this happens to me. I had hoped to prevent it by maintaining, but I didn't think about needing to find summer clothes vs. winter clothes. Then this morning I grabbed my favorite grey sweater which I hadn't worn in about a month because it had to be hand washed and I procrastinated... and I was really shocked when it did not look AT ALL like it looked on me last time I wore it! This sweater used to fit me perfectly and was flattering over the winter, but this morning it just hung on me like a bag. Far too big! I could not believe it. I had to change into something else! There is something disconcerting about going to put on your usual favorite, comfortable clothes and having them just be gone. That's how this feels... like someone stole all the clothes I like to wear and now I am starting from scratch learning to wear different things again.

I went to the "smaller clothing" tub but only found size 10's and 12's there. I knew I had 14's somewhere, but where? I hadn't seen them in six and a half years. Eventually, after looking in closets, drawers, under-bed storage and in the guest room, I found an unlabeled storage bin in the garage, half full of blankets and the other half full of jeans. No shorts or capris, just jeans, but all size 14's. And all but one of them fit. So at least I have those to wear until it starts to get hot. In the meantime I will find someone who I can give the too-big clothes to and hope they will be blessed by having them. I'm sure I can find some clothes that I like to wear through the summer.

I have one other thing to share that made me smile. Background: one of my sons bought a house a couple months ago and has been doing some renovations to it. Last month he finally moved into his new house for good. He came over for dinner last night and said to me, "Mom, did you stop eating?" and I said, "What?" He smiled and joked, "Are you not eating? Are you wasting away because you stopped eating because you miss me so much since I moved out?" We had a good laugh, and I'm happy my weight loss is pretty obvious even over the course of the last few weeks.

That's all for now. I did start seeing a counselor this week and will write more on that another time.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

[this is the cronometer anon] I'd love to hear about the counselor. I'm sorry about your clothes. I loathe clothing shopping and that's a huge motivator for me to maintain my weight. Ironic because for some people it's the opposite (they love to shop for clothes so they stay thin so they can do it more).

Re: not working out but losing weight... I have no idea how it works because I've never had a time in my life when I didn't work out or do a sport, but I just read this crazy book by Penn Jillette about how he lost weight (seriously, crazy, and worth a read if you don't mind profanity. A lot of profanity.). Anyway, in that book he says that not exercising during weight loss actually helped him because it wasn't like he was trying to accomplish two goals at once, i.e. building muscle + losing fat. What he said was that he lost weight first, then started exercising.

It made me think a bit. I mean, personally I can't survive without working out because I would be severely depressed, but I suppose I think of exercise as almost like the reward I get for eating well? Given that I dislike running when I gain even 5 pounds, I have a feeling that you will feel more like moving your body once you get down below the obesity cutoff. Did you like swimming? I had an injury for a couple years that kept me from running, so I joined the swim team at my local YMCA and it was life-changing. It was amazing how swimmers can come in all shapes and sizes and still be great, how even larger women or MUCH older ones could beat my times so easily! (Yeah I'm not great at swimming lmao). I think that's the sport I'll do when I'm older, like 70+. I MEAN WOW! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diana_Nyad

PamL said...

That's great, Lyn! Sounds like you are moving in the right direction with minimal effort, which is amazing!

Regarding the saggy skin issue, I was just reading a book about intermittent fasting called "Delay, Don't Deny" by Gin Stephens. She spoke in there how those who practice intermittent fasting do not have the skin issues of those who lose a lot of weight just with low calorie diets, due to a process of "autophagy". Autophagy is the process of the body that removes cellular "junk". That's a very simplified version, anyway. I thought it might be something worth reading up on if you have lost a lot of weight and have skin issues.

Another book I just finished, which was fabulous, was The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung. Really good, kind of sciencey, about how insulin is most likely at the root of our obesity issues....might be worth reading, if you are a reader. :)

Lyn said...

Anon/cron~

Oh I love swimming too! We joined a pool last summer and will do it again this summer. It's an outdoor, seasonal pool though. I am still hoping there will be an affordable, year round indoor pool to join at some point! We don't have a Y or a high school with a pool yet. I think it IS harder to lose weight AND exercise (for me, anyway) but now that I am focused on maintaining it should be easier.

PamL~

I will definitely look into the IF book! I already stop eating by 9PM and only have coffee at 9AM and usually eat my first food of the day between 11 and 1. Not sure if coffee with half and half breaks the IF period but I could easily lengthen the non-eating period to 16 hours if I can still have my coffee :) Will check it out, thanks!

Anonymous said...

That is interesting. You lose better when not dieting intentionally vs. last month dieting intentionally. You are eating more and losing. This is actually great news, Lyn. It will make it much easier for you to start losing again when you are ready. For now, I advise you to increase exercise/calorie burn and to increase your calories until you hit that perfect balance to maintain at your current weight through the summer while exercising and firming up. This will allow your body to create a new, lower set point so that if you ever do start to regain, it will pause at 195 long enough for you to make the changes needed. Good work.

Amy said...

Yay!! So happy for you! You are such an inspiration Lyn!

Anonymous said...

You have to eat how you're always going to eat. If you are always for the rest of your life going to eat plain chicken breast and salad that is what you need to be able to eat. If you are going to eat a standard American diet the rest of your life you need to be able to eat that. Either way you just have to eat the way you always will, without gaining. I think that is what you're doing, right? Because your Insta does not look like diet food. So this should succeed for you and keep you from gaining as long as you like what you are eating now and are not just waiting til you are off a diet to eat what you want.

FrenchyMcFrenchcake said...

Agreed with above. If you can sustain small portions of junk food and cheese and such and stay low carb long term it will work!

Anonymous said...

Is that a fourth counselor? I thought you said in your last post that you had been working with three.

Lyn said...

last Anon~

not sure what you're talking about. I have had counselors in the past, but it's been quite a while since I stopped going. I am seeing one counselor right now.

Anonymous said...

Lyn, last anon here. I apologize! I remembered something I read in the comments of the previous post, and it was a comment from a reader, not something you said! They said "I have had therapy with a nutritionist, psychologist and psychiatrist all of whom are well versed in eating disorders and understand my particular needs in general. It has been very helpful and I am still working with all three." My memory did me wrong - thanks for being so polite about it! Sorry again.