Thursday, April 19, 2018

Not Ideal

Well the week's halfway over and I get on the scale every morning: 195, 195, 195, 195... just how I like it. It feels GOOD to be aiming to maintain and not feeling any kind of worry over the numbers. I've kind of gotten away from taking photos of my meals for Instagram, but I'll pick that back up soon. I think it's important for *me* to have a record of what I was eating when and how my loss/maintain/loss came about. I want to look back on the pictures and see how my diet changed gradually over time in a stress-free way... not in some drastic, sudden change that was unsustainable.

I get emails and comments sometimes telling me I am doing it wrong. I am eating too much. I am not eating enough. I should not be eating bread. I should eat more vegetables. I should not eat any sweets. I should be going to the gym.... and so on. And I understand that everyone has their own view of what's best, what's healthy. I have mine, too. But what some may not realize is that I *know* my diet is not ideal. Neither is my activity level. I agree! For many years, I've had in mind my "ideal" eating and moving plan. I can see it in my mind, because I have lived parts and glimpses of it during short and long stretches of time over the past decade... but I've never put it all together in a sustainable, long term way of living. That's the goal this time around, so it's worth it to me to take my time getting it right.

I'm eating foods I enjoy, with changes to keep my carbs down. Today I ate:
Brunch: 2 bacon, 1 egg, 1 slice of keto toast with butter, decaf coffee with half and half
Snack: decaf coffee with sugar free syrup and half and half, over ice, x2
Dinner: nice chunk of pot roast, steamed peas, small scoop of mashed potatoes with butter and gravy.

My ideal diet would be similar but with something like roasted sweet potatoes as the vegetable carb, a piece of fruit with breakfast instead of toast, and several more vegetables at both meals. I'm working on it and taking the next couple of months to build more nutrition into my meals each day.

In the end, it's all about getting to a place where I feel peaceful and healthy... but more importantly, to stay calm and not only accept but embrace the changes I am making along the way. I hope that will make this the last time I have to lose this weight.


Joy said...

Ignore them, Lyn. It's working for you and with you and that's what matters! You know yourself better than anyone else.
J x

Lee said...

Congratulations on your progress! An "ideal" lifestyle is both subjective and continue to do what is working in your life. The excitement you write when a milestone is passed or a new discovery is made sends out bits of encouragement. Thank You...Hoping you can resume your "biking journey" as it was interesting and made me consider doing a journey of my own. Feel good about yourself!

PamL said...

Oh Lyn, if only the naysayers would just.stop. You have to live the life you are living, no one else! I think it sounds like you are taking a very reasonable approach to what you can maintain for the rest of your life. And about the exercise--what we weigh is about 90% what we eat, 10% (or less) how we move. So, enjoy your food, and move more if you want. Or don't if you don't want to! :)

Anonymous said...

cron anon here :)

Honestly when it comes to your intake I'm mostly in awe that you can feel full on that small amount of food. I guess I'm a volume eater... I probably eat 5 x the volume you do in a day. My calories aren't a ton higher, though... I just can't feel full if I don't have a bunch of steamed vegetables or a salad with each meal. So it's not like food police here when I talk about vegetables, I just legit would be starving if I tried to eat like you and I would feel like my digestion would get messed up. Honestly, even when I was anorexic I probably ate more volume than that. I guess it takes all kinds of people and preferences. The keto people seem to eat so little food in amount it astounds me (a low fat/athletic diet type person).

I read somewhere the average person feels full on about four pounds of food a day. That sounds right to me (maybe I even go a bit over, since I eat lots of watery stuff like watermelon, lettuce, cucumber, that aren't calorically dense but are heavy). Obviously going too far and eating nothing but raw vegetables is stupid--you don't feel satisfied without fat and protein--but man I could not survive without the bulk and water of vegetables and fruit to fill me up.

Lyn said...

Thank you Joy, Lee, and Pam! I do feel really good, and content. After I wrote the post I thought, "Maybe it's not "ideal," but it IS ideal for me, right now! There is nothing I would change about yesterday FOR yesterday... those meals were part of an important process I am going through very mindfully and carefully, and the more-produce meals I will have in the future are also part of the process :)

An added note to my food intake yesterday since I did not post pics on Instagram: later in the evening I whipped an ounce or two of cream cheese with Swerve, cocoa, and a splash of half and half for a little dish of chocolate cheesecake mousse. It was a nice ending to the day!

Lyn said...

cron anon~

We must have been posting at the same time and I just saw your note. I agree with everything you're saying about using veggies as the bulk to feel full. That's definitely the best way to fill up when you need more volume! I know in the past I felt like I needed more in my stomach to be satisfied; when I have eaten small amounts for months, like I did on Medifast and the first few months on phentermine, I believe my stomach shrank so I felt full on less. I can tell I am eating more volume now that I was a few months ago... the phentermine doesn't work like it used to and I only take it part of the time now. As my hunger increases I'll do exactly as you have and fill up with the produce so I don't feel starved! In fact I can't wait for the farmer's market to start up so I can enjoy all the fresh delicious produce they always have! As always thank you for sharing your thoughts... always insightful!

Kendra said...

Just my two cents about doing things the "right" way or the "wrong" way or eating "good" foods or "bad" foods ...

I have spent a good part of my life doing things that did not work for me because it was the "right" way or the "good" way, all under the guise of being healthy.

Sometimes, you just have to do what WORKS. Sometimes, the most important thing is losing weight or maintaining weight, and sometimes you can only focus on one thing at a time, so you have to choose whatever is the best way to accomplish that FOR YOU.

We all know that we can easily stay overweight while eating all the right healthy foods. Staying overweight causes health problems for many of us. So what good does it do to eat the right stuff or do the right exercises or whatever Internet strangers want to tell us to do, if we're still overweight at the end of the day?

I'm a big believer in doing what's best for you. Once you get to a weight you're happy with, or once you've spent an acceptable amount of time maintaining this weight (and you are the one who decides what's acceptable!) then, if you want, you can focus on cleaning up your diet and shifting to healthier foods or more exercise or whatever "the right way" means to you.

One thing at a time. I think you're doing a great job!

Anonymous said...

cron anon again--what I do is I just eat my vegetables first. If I make a salad I eat it before my protein and starch, same with the steamed vegetables, I eat those first, then the protein, then the starch/fat. I think I read somewhere that's more satiating.

Can I ask why you wait until the Farmer's Market is open to get vegetables? I always buy mine at the grocery store but then I live in a major city so our "Farmer's Market" is like, a. tiny and b. SO EXPENSIVE, I'm talking $5.00 for 1/4 pound of salad greens expensive. I can't go there really. But the grocery store is fine for me, they've got stuff like broccoli slaw pre-prepared that I like, or baby spinach, asparagus, pre-trimmed green beans, stuff that takes 5 minutes to prepare and tastes fine to me. I will say I refuse to eat frozen or canned vegetables. I wind up going to the grocery store around the block from my house about every other day to get fresh ones.

Lyn said...


That is all so true! I agree completely... eating the "right" way and exercising was nice when I was doing it but I burned out so fast. I was too tired of the exercise I was doing and not enjoying it, and I missed the foods I had grown up with, and I had cravings and felt deprived and even got mad one time because all I wanted was a sandwich but it was not "allowed" anymore on my plan. All of that resentment built up and made what I was doing unsustainable and I gained the weight back. It's far better for me, I think, to lose weight and KEEP it off, even if I have some sugar free desserts or keto bread or even a slice of actual birthday cake occasionally. I know I CAN have anything I want, so there is no resentment and no drive to eat any certain food. If I want it, I just have it! Thanks so much for the encouragement!

cron anon~

I live in the Pacific Northwest where so many things grow, and we have several farmer's markets from spring to fall here. There are a couple big ones within driving distance, plus many small stands and farms who sell out of their pickup trucks or at the roadside, so everything is plentiful and usually cheap! I've made lists and even taken pictures of my "haul" on the blog and one time I figured it out and my average is $1.19 a pound across the board, including fruits and veggies of all kinds. Much cheaper than the grocery store as a general rule, and the food is so fresh and tasty! I can't stand grocery store tomatoes but I just love the fresh local ones. Same for things like peaches! So amazingly good... and many of the farms are organic or in the process of becoming organic. I do have some grocery store stuff in the fridge to cook this week, including some asparagus, green beans, acorn squash and butternut squash. I just need to get in the habit of prepping and baking things like squash that take more time than steaming some frozen peas (or fresh asparagus!)

Anonymous said...

Oh but it IS ideal, Lyn. I admire your persistence at losing weight, trying so many diets, not quitting. This is the first time you have not had an urgent tone in your writing (aka, I have to lose 5 more, I must stop eating chips so I can get thinner, I am so mad at myself for not exercising). I too suffer from an eating disorder and I can tell you from my inpatient therapy that emotion is 99% of the battle. It's amazing you have done this on your own. Is your new counselor an eating disorder specialist?