Monday, October 9, 2017

The Next Chapter


A little over two months ago, when my blog hit its ten year anniversary, I had this overwhelming sense of failure. In those ten years, I went from 278 pounds down to 175 pounds (a loss of 103 pounds) and then back up again, slowly and gradually over the last seven years, to a bit over 250 pounds. It wasn't without work, either. If you've been a blog reader for long, you know I have tried and lost and gained and done everything from Whole 30 to AIP to carb counting to biking across America over those last seven years, but still, as my Weight by Year page shows, I steadily gained about 15 pounds every year until 2015, when I *lost* about 15 pounds. But I sure made up for it in 2016, going from 229 pounds to 260, a one-year gain of 31 pounds. Honestly, it has really sucked.

Least year on my 9 year bloggiversary I was SO determined to get the weight off once and for all. But that didn't happen and one year later (this August) I was a bit over 250 pounds. That's when I left. I swore I would not write again unless and until I got under 240 pounds.

And then I kept gaining.

You know me. I had no accountability. I let go and ate whatever. I went to the fair and had lemonade and a cheese steak and beer battered fries and a caramel apple. "But hey, I didn't eat an elephant ear or any ice cream!" I dunno, I guess I just felt like ten years is enough and maybe I just should be who I am. And by August 26th, I weighed 258 pounds. And then I looked in the mirror and thought, this is NOT just who I am. This is not who I am at all. This is not a lifestyle I can be happy in. It makes me UNhappy and I just feel crappy.

I guess in a way I wondered: if I have NO ONE following me, no one watching what I eat or how much I exercise... no one waiting to hear how I did this month or what my weight is... then maybe I could feel happy and free and not guilty for just eating what I want and being who I am. So I figured it was time to close up the blog. Stop with the audience. Just be.

But it didn't work that way. Even with NO plans to ever come back here and report anything, or give any update online anywhere, I found myself not comfortable at a heavier weight. I was not getting a sense of excitement and pleasure from my food like I used to a decade ago when I would binge. Somehow, even the stuff I *did* eat that I knew was not really good for me did not taste that good. Not like I remembered. My son bought donuts and with NO guilt I picked one and started to eat it, but it just felt gross. I didn't even want it. No one was judging, looking, or hearing confessions and yet I did not want it. And when my pants got so tight I could no longer wear them, and when not only my knees but my hips started clicking and hurting when I walked, I came to the conclusion on my own that this is not me. It's not what I want, even if nobody is watching and nobody is judging.

I went to the doctor near the end of August... the endocrinologist, actually. I went to her for a regular checkup on my blood sugar (which was fine), and as always they weighed me and jotted down the gain, but said nothing. I decided to bring it up myself. I said, "I am really uncomfortable at this weight. I have done xyz and have not lost weight. Even going back on thyroid medication did not have any effect on either my weight nor my energy level. What should I do?" And she looked at me and said, "Well, you're right. You do need to lose weight if you want to keep your health. So I think I would recommend phentermine."

Um, NO. I told her about how that drug could raise my blood pressure... and she said "it might, but being obese is worse for your blood pressure and your heart, so you could try phentermine and we would monitor your blood pressure." Um, NO. I did not want to use drugs to lose weight. Remember back in 2012 when I wrote this post: Here, Have a Diet Pill? My primary doctor had recommended Adipex (phentermine) then, too. So I objected again this time... but the doctor persisted. She said that it was a very old and safe drug, *except* when combined with another drug back in the Fen-phen days. Alone, she said, this could really help me get some weight off. And once I get some weight off, I'd have more energy and motivation to lose the rest... without phentermine.

Believe it or not, I agreed to try it. She had me start on a half dose (half of a 37.5 mg tablet) and then after a few days I went up to half in the morning and half after lunch. And from August 26th to September 26th, I went from 258 pounds to 241... a loss of 17 pounds. I have *never* lost 17 pounds in a month before. Ever.

Well now it is October 9th. It took almost two weeks to drop another 2 pounds (I had an unusually long, 11 day plateau at 240 pounds. Psychological? Body needed a break?) and today I finally hit 239. Nineteen pounds gone so far, and still going. My blood pressure is better than it was before phentermine. My doctor said I could take phentermine for about 3 months, and then it would lose its effectiveness. I am taking advantage of the next month and a half and getting off as much weight as I can.

Thanks for sticking around, and checking in to see how I'm doing! I am definitely back.


23 comments:

Susan R said...

So happy to see you back Lyn!
I have a feeling that you may get some negative feedback re: the medication but it is short term as well as being medically monitored. It seems you are already experiencing success so I am wishing you the best. ❤️ Susan

Anonymous said...

Welcome back, and good luck!

Anonymous said...

Lyn, I've been checking back periodically in recent history because I believed in you, and knew enough time had passed that you were probably close to 240. So imagine my joy to check in tonight and see you're even lower. Outstanding job! I KNEW you could do it and you would do it. Keep it up!

Lyn said...

Thank you all! I feel great! And it's nice to be back.

LHA said...

I am so thrilled for you. It was brave to try the drug when you had serious doubts. Sometimes all we need is a good start to get us back on track and the scale moving in the right direction. I have found that anything you use to help you lose weight, whether it is a diet, a drug or an exercise regimen has kind of a shelf-life and you do have to change things up from time to time to keep losing weight. It's a real psychological boost to see the scale go down and to feel better physically. I will look forward to following you on this continuing journey.

Anonymous said...

Yay!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, Lyn! I'm so happy for you and glad you came back. Like you, I let go and gained most of my weight back. I've had to walk with 2 quad canes a lot due to the knee and hip pain the weight gain caused. I decided to try diet and exercise again the past 2 weeks and have lost 5 pounds doing water aerobics twice a week and cutting calories a bit. I'm happy to know you are trying again too, no matter how you're doing it. Congratulations on your success. I know that really means a lot to get you motivated again. I know every pound lost is hard fought.Take care and keep letting us know how you're doing. Love from Nan in Phoenix.

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you’re back. I had a fifteen pound loss on phentermine several years ago. I gained it back (of course) within a year. I hope you have a better run with it than I did. Other than dry mouth I had no negative side effects. My issue was a user error. I started abusing it. Beware of that. Otherwise- good luck!

Anonymous said...

So glad to see you back!

Anonymous said...

Great news - I don't think there's any negativity about using a drug to help jump start things - and it sounds like you're not planning on it long term. Congrats on your loss! -Beth

Amy said...

Yay for lower blood pressure and yay for the loss and just Extra YAY for Lyn being back!!

Rose Sperlonga said...

Fantastic news Lyn! I may just ask my doctor next month to start on it to give me a jump start! Lord knows I need it now!

Keep us updated on your progress and welcome back!

Nice to see you so positive!


Rose

Deepa said...

Hi Lyn
Am so happy to hear from you. Good luck on 17 pounds. Just keep marching ahead dear there is light at the end of the tunnel.

PamL said...

Way to go, Lyn! I have never heard of the drug. Did you change your eating habits at the same time, or just eat whatever you want and you are losing? Just curious. I don't know anything about diet pills....good luck to you and may you be building better habits each and every day!

Lyn said...

PamL~

I went back to lower carb eating. I'm not counting calories or carbs, just avoiding sugar and limiting things like grains and starches. I'll write about what I am eating at some point and how the phentermine works to help with weight loss.

kimberly said...

I have to admit to being a bit jealous - I hadn't realized this drug was still around. I read up on it (I have diabetes type II so need to be careful) and there are recent studies that showed positive results for diabetics. I have been good about controlling my blood sugar and A1C, but losing weight just hasn't happened and it's so frustrating I feel myself wanting to throw up my hands.

What do you attribute the weight loss to? Calorie restriction due to lowered hunger?

I'll be keeping track of your progress, but so far it's amazing. Good for you!

Lyn said...

kimberly~

It's definitely an appetite suppressant. I don't get hungry very often and am satisfied with less food. It also gives me a little bit more energy to be active. My doctor mentioned it giving my metabolism a boost, but I'm not sure if that is just from moving more or an actual effect of phentermine. I find mixed and conflicting information about that online.

Meryl said...

I am so happy to hear this. I think this just be what you need right now. It's drastic but not as drastic as surgery or continued gains would be on your body. I am so, so glad you're here and sharing this. I think you'll find a lot of support. And I know (as long as it's followed up with commitment to change) people have had tremendous success with the appetite suppresant factor with this.

Jane said...

Hey good to see you're back. (I kept checking...) And the timing couldn't be better. I just started phentermine today. I've gained 40 pounds in about two years. Stress, money, a breakup and frankly, the election. It's just been too much and I found myself eating my feelings in a an unprecedented way. I've been depressed and anxious but have been working on those issues. As I told my doctor, I don't think I'm depressed anymore...I think I'm just in a really bad mood because of the weight.

She suggested phentermine and like you I hesitated. I went and read a lot, did my own research and then said yes to a one-month rx. Took it today and I feel...fine. Def drop in appetite. I cooked a big dinner for a couple people and felt calm and in control as I ate a small portion. Totally satisfied, no urge to snack all day and I'm visiting family which means a house full of treats (pie! donuts, etc.)

I hope you keep writing about your experience here. I'll be following along, wishing you the best.

Anonymous said...

Whoa, I am just now seeing this. I am happy you lost weight and came back, but I don't know much about this drug. I hope it is short term and safe for you. I will be following. I hope for another update soon. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Lynn, I was so happy to read this post. I have been thinking of you, hoping you're well, and checking this blog occasionally, but there were no new posts... so I figured things were somehow not going well for you, though it could have been family-related, health-related, tiredness-related issue(s).... I just kept hoping for the best for you. I don't know how this new direction ( weight-loss drug treatment) will work out for you, but I'm just glad to know that you're well, and feeling better, and even losing some excess weight (yay!). You go, girl!

Lyn said...

Anon~

Thank you! I am doing well. Definitely still dealing with family/health and tiredness, but I figure I can deal with those things better if I am taking care of myself. Sometimes we forget that :) And the tiredness is definitely improving.

Alison said...

i'm so happy to see you are back AND that you reached your under 240 goal! great job, Lyn! this makes me soooooooooo happy. I have been checking and checking and hoping that you'd be back. Missed you and your thoughts and wisdom and honesty. welcome back :)