Sunday, May 7, 2017

I Need To

Thank you all for your kind comments and support on my last post about my daughter. Every little bit of support counts these days. I have felt like I am both flailing and failing as I try to navigate all this new medical information and care basically alone, to the point that between hospital visits I took my girl and we went to stay with relatives for a week because I thought I couldn't do it anymore. I am so glad to have family that loves us and cares for us that I can just crash on them and say "I just can't. Here we are." Their love gave me strength to keep going. I just wish we lived closer to family, because it is a long flight away and not something we can do again anytime soon. My Aunt may come and stay with us for a bit later this year and for that I am thankful.

I have been so consumed with caring for my family's needs that my own needs have not even been on the radar lately. But the other day, after another specialist doctor visit that gave some needed direction (and is referring her for physical therapy to help with her ability to walk and balance and be strong, and possibly reduce pain, as well as ordering orthotics to help with this) I felt a slight relief like we are on the right path with her... and during that relief my own body told me HEY. You have GOT to pay some attention to ME. I had a sudden awareness of how terribly unwell I have become. Nutrition and sleep lacking, stress levels high, exercise non-existent, my own body has been unable to even fight off so much as a cold without it turning into bronchitis, ear infections, sinus infections, and other long-running illness that just will not heal. I am on my third round of antibiotics and have been kind of a low grade of sick for months... not sick enough to have a fever or have to stay home, but just a general unwellness with little persistent symptoms like fluid in my ears or stuffiness or coughing just at night. I am completely exhausted and all of my joints hurt. My knees pop and crack and I get random pains in my hips and feet. And my rosacea has flared up to the worst it has ever been, causing my face to be red and sore and itchy even with medicated creams. I have almost constant headaches and my "happy place" has become, as it was a decade ago, sitting in front of the TV at night with a pint of Haagen Dasz after a long day.

I know that as I head downhill healthwise it is affecting my ability to meet the needs of my child, and I just cannot have that happen. She needs me and I certainly need to have the energy and focus to deal with all the appointments she has every week, especially now that we are adding PT.

I have scheduled appointments for myself with doctors who can help me get better. I am going back to the endocrinologist to check on my Hashimoto's thyroid disease, and another doctor who can help me get a handle on the infections that won't go away. I need to gather all the strength I have and do good for my health with it by getting more sleep and relaxation, making time for a long walk every day, and cleaning up my eating.

Thanks for listening. I am glad to have this place to sort out my thoughts, and even gladder to have your support and prayers.


LHA said...

Lyn, your post brought back memories of a time in my life with similar stresses...two children with chronic illnesses and adding my mother who suffered from Alzheimer's Disease and had a broken hip into my household of four children, one of whom was a baby in diapers and another who was a rebellious teenager. I would get someone to come in and watch everyone for a couple of hours once a week while I headed out to the grocery. I raced through the aisles filling that cart with every form of junk food, along with the staples I was buying. It was my coping mechanism, and it was very destructive also. Deciding now to take control of your own health problems is the best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter. Good luck going forward. Wishing you all the best.

Amy said...

It sounds like the sun is trying to peek through the clouds for you. That is great news and it's good that you are taking stock of your own health to see where you are at. One of my favorite authors talks about a great way to lighten your spirit is to stop yourself several times throughout the day to take notice of all the things that are going right instead of focusing on what is going wrong, and to take stock of all the things you have that you are grateful for. It doesn't make the bad stuff go away but it helps your mind and heart be a little lighter.

Susan R said...

So happy to hear from you Lyn. It sounds as if things are on the right path. I am glad you turned to family for some support during this difficult time. It is true that if we do not take care of ourselves we cannot be there for anyone else, that is easy to forget in times of distress.

Cyndi and Stumpy said...

I've moved in with my Mom to keep her safe. she has dementia. It's so easy to NOT take care of myself, to let the stress take over, to eat in a way that only makes me sicker.

Somehow, in all of this we must take care of ourselves!

Anonymous said...

Prayers for you and your daughter.

MaryFran said...

So sorry for all the stress....thank goodness for family!!!

I'm glad you are taking the steps to take care of yourself! It's so easy to focus on others and forget about ourselves!!!!

Marianne said...

Lyn, I know the need to take care of your daughter will motivate you to take care of yourself. Hugs from NH.

Lyn said...

thank you everyone.

Too tired to write a whole post, but:

stopped the ice cream and most sugar
drinking more water
went to a different doctor today who prescribed a more broad spectrum antibiotic
made an appointment with the endocrinologist
walking when I can
and joined an outdoor/summer-only pool so we can all swim as much as we want this summer.

It's a start.

Deb Willbefree said...

! Lyn, What happened to your child to cause this treatment need: "to help with her ability to walk and balance and be strong, and possibly reduce pain, as well as ordering orthotics to help with this)" This is a dramatic decline! It made me gasp.

I've been praying diligently for her healing & your wisdom and strength. I'll certainly continue. Nothing is too difficult for God--and miracle healings still happen today. Hold on.

Interceding before the Father on your daughter's behalf,


Lyn said...

Deb, thank you SO much for your prayers, we really need them. It is a huge decline. It is heartbreaking to see her go from dancing and being so active to this state. I won't share specifics about her condition out of respect for her privacy... just enough about how it is affecting our lives and enough for good people like you to join in prayer for her. She's on the church prayer chain too and we have to trust that God is the one who can help her. We never saw this coming... really hard :(

Susan R said...

Thank you for taking the time to update Lyn. I am very happy to know that you are taking care of yourself.
I am sending you virtual hugs and healing thoughts.

Anonymous said...

i miss you! Of all the blogs, yours is my favorite because you're the one I relate to most. I'm so sorry for everything you and your family are going through. Hugs and I'll be praying for you!

FrenchyMcFrenchcake said...

I hope that things are going better for you and your daughter. I try to tell myself... extra food won't help the situation. And it never makes me feel better just makes things worse all around. Hang in there

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you. Miss you. Praying for you and your daughter and family. -Natalie

wux said...

Thank you for still blogging. You are an inspiration and have helped a lot of people. I hope you and your family are doing better!