I really appreciate all the comments, thoughts, and advice I got in the comments of my last post and via email. It's so good to know that even when I am feeling down and not sure which way to turn diet-wise, people are caring and supportive and not judgmental. That means a lot to me. For those who were worried I was falling into a depression, don't worry! It was just a normal fluctuation in mood. We all have happy days and harder, sad times... and overall, I am feeling good and happy (although not content about my weight right now, but that is what motivates change).
Well, I'm still too fat. But I had a kind of cool experience this week at church. We had a special service for Ash Wednesday this week. That's not something I am very familiar with. I wasn't raised observing Lent, but when someone would remind me that it was "Fat Tuesday" you can bet I was all about that! Even this year, we joked about it and ordered pizzas for dinner and one of my sons brought home a box of Cadbury Creme Eggs for "dessert." I never noted any spiritual significance to any of this, personally, but I got to thinking more about it during our service. The sermon talked about how giving something up for Lent is not about torturing yourself by giving up something you really like. It is a reminder that every time you think about wanting that thing you gave up, it reminds you of your need for God. There was more to it than that but I thought that part was pretty insightful. So although I did indulge in the Fat Tuesday pizza and candy, I decided to give up sugary desserts for Lent (until Easter). If I want something sweet I will stick with fresh fruits or sugar free sweets. I am also adding daily Bible reading to my goals, even if only for a few minutes a day. It can only make things better!
Aside from those small changes, I am doing a few other things to try to remedy my problem of being too fat. I'm making sure to keep walking a couple of miles most days and I decided not to buy chips anymore. I can still have them if they are available at parties, dinners, or potlucks but just won't have them at home.
I know those are two very small changes in how I eat. I was eating chips and/or desserts a couple times a week, so I think cutting those things out will help. I feel like I am teetering on the edge of weight loss or gain: a small uptick in food would result in gaining weight, and a small restriction will result in loss. Everything else is staying the same for now, except for the continued walking. I lost 7 pounds in January and maintained in February, so I'd expect to start losing again in March with these couple of changes. I don't want to do anything drastic or overly restrictive to "rock the boat" emotionally so to speak. I am still cautious about keeping my recovery from ED first and foremost... keeping the emotional calm about food that took me so long to cultivate.
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
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