Saturday, February 18, 2017


As of this morning, I have not lost ANY weight in February.

My blood pressure has been higher and my doctor increased the dose of my blood pressure medication.

Just eating what I want, in smaller portions, and choosing lower carb foods IS a good way for me to eat, but it keeps me over 250 pounds.

I have been fairly sedentary due to illness, weather, and just plain not being motivated to exercise.

And so the hamster wheel continues. The only thing improved, and it IS a big one, is that I am not experiencing any eating disorders anymore: no binges, no food obsessions, no compulsive eating. There's peace, but is peace enough?

I am quickly approaching that 10 year anniversary of blogging. In less than 6 months I will hit that milestone. I said if I was not at goal or making serious progress towards a healthy weight, I'd do weight loss surgery... and/or quit blogging.

I don't know what I am doing right now. I won't whine on about family medical issues and things that make it "hard," because all those reasons are not going to help me be the healthy, non-obese mom I need to be.

This week may turn back to restriction. I just have to do it without triggering ED. I also have to exercise whether I like it or not, because my age and health are big factors in... in everything. Everything.


Deb Willbefree said...

When you don't fight the monster, it has no reason to bother you. It leaves you be or, to put it another way--> at peace. Try to restrict it, remove it from your life, and it will fight back.

Peace may just be the cessation of the fight, rather than the evidence of a war won.

Just some thoughts gleaned from my own personal struggle...and addiction theory. :}


Anonymous said...

I've written this to you before so I apologize! But please try lower sodium. Especially for blood pressure! I stick to 1000-1500 mgs a day and I find literally cannot overeat calories at that level. That is the amount the American Heart Association says every adult should cap it at, so it's not anything especially strict.

Anonymous said...

Are you still using your exercise bike? Perfect for winter workouts!

Susan R said...

I think the majority of people do not like to exercise, I know for sure that I don't. I find it easier if I do it first thing in the morning not giving myself the option of putting it off and then find the day is over and I have done nothing.
You are not alone Lyn, lots of company out here!

nic0ll3tt3 said...

I second the exercise bike!

I really loved following your "riding across America" series!


Anonymous said...

Lyn, before you seriously consider weight loss surgery, why don't you download a typical diet of the kind that is required post-surgery and see if that is something you can live with the rest of your life? Because even with the surgery, the weight will come back if you don't severely restrict what you eat. You could pretend you have had the surgery, adhere to the diet, and you would undoubtedly lose weight without having to live with a mutilated body permanently.

Verena Schwald said...

Lyn I am sorry that you are feeling the way you do. But sadly you don't cure an eating disorder by not trying to trigger it and not exercising.
I am not saying this to hurt your feelings at all.
Just out of concern for you.
(And as you can see I am posting under my own name and not anonymously since this is something I feel strongly about since I am suffering from a severe eating disorder myself.)
I know you have said that you don't want to see a therapist.
If your physical state keep declining like this....would you maybe at least consider it?

Please don't be upset with me.
I am truly only concerned.

Lyn said...

hey all, thanks for the comments!

As far as not triggering ED/not restricting (Deb and Verena), I guess I should clarify that I have already been restricting for some time... but have started to think of restricting *more.* January was successful with a 7 pound weight loss by restricting/eating healthy (low carbs, no junk, no sugar, low grains) 90% of the time and allowing some indulgences 10% of the time (birthday cake, pizza, chips here and there). I was able to restrict like that and not be triggered, so I think I can tighten it up a bit... say 95% healthy and 5% indulgences... without getting triggered. In the past if I restricted my "junk" and "treats" to 10% of the time, it resulted in real angst with the food... obsessions and a drive to eat more junk. I'm not having that this time around nor any other signs of ED coming back.

I agree with everyone saying exercise is needed. I'll push that too. Getting back on the bike and walking more this week. I think I will still manage to lose some weight in February after all :)

Cyndi and Stumpy said...

Winter sucks. don't make any decisions until you're feeling the spring weather and having a chance to enjoy it. I'm dealing with the same issues. I blame winter, for the most part. If I can't move then I feel crappy. To lose any weight I must be able to walk outside!

Lyn said...

Cyndi, I agree! I usually have Seasonal Affective Disorder but did not feel like I had it this winter... but I still feel kinda sluggish. I did manage to get out and walk a dog today, maybe a mile or so. It's a good start!

txexperiment said...

You have my heart as I understand this all to well. LC does really work and so I wish you the best going forward. Don't despair and don't ever give up!

Thanks for your honesty.

LHA said...

Lyn, I'm sorry you have hit a rough patch. I think I may have suggested this before, but it is something that always works for me. Eat your smallest meal in the evening. I eat the majority of my calories by noon, and it helps me a lot when weight loss slows. Good luck finding the right combination of eating/exercise that works for you.

Catherine55 said...

Please let me encourage you to have weight loss surgery. I've been maintaining a 70 pound weight loss for about seven years now, with the help of my lap band. It has truly changed my life, my health, my energy level, my confidence, and so many other things for the better. Most doctors are doing the sleeve now, rather than the band, and I've seen others have similar success with it.

What other ailment would you let plague you for 10+ years without availing yourself of a medical development that will let you fix it? You can break this pattern, but as the last 10 years surely illustrate, you need help to do it. Why not get that help? I'd love to read about your success and wish you the very best for the future.

FiestyPixy said...

I have recently found peace as well - so I understand. Then a week ago, I read Trim Healthy Mama and started drinking the GGMS drinks I found online. That's it. And I dropped weight. So this week, I am starting with changing breakfast. So far, so good. No triggers. I think when you find that plan that fits for you - you can eat healthy and (I hope) not be triggered.

Amy said...

The positive is this; six months is a good amount of time to get closer to that goal. I think what you are doing is good, you know yourself better than anyone and to hear that you are conquering ED is the true victory. Peace IS a huge deal, and maybe it's just the very beginning of what will turn out to be an awesome journey!

MaryFran said...

I'm going to say that you are victorious by having your eating disorders under control!!! Celebrate that huge victory!!!! And in terms of baby step at a time. Maybe cut out a glas of sofa.....or a nightly bowl of ice little tiny thing at a time! Baby steps win the race!!!!

Lyn said...


I find that if I eat a bigger meal in the morning, I am starving by mid-afternoon. I'm not sure why... metabolism differences? But I have read that advice and tried it a few times. I think it probably works for most people. I tend to eat less overall if I have a very light breakfast, and then it doesn't seem to matter if my lunch or dinner is the bigger meal.


Good point, and I have talked to 2 doctors about doing a sleeve. It makes me nervous but at this point it IS on the table.


Thanks! It sure feels better than the frantic mental state of ED. I agree with the "baby steps" approach; it is far less likely to feel stressful for me to say no to small indulgences and not ALL indulgences. Although I have to say, there's no soda or nightly bowl of ice cream to cut out :) There's relatively little (10% maybe, of my intake) that is not "clean" so I am being judicious about what I do change. It feels fine to me to say "eh, I don't really care about the chips at the party, so I will just enjoy a bit of cheese and veggies from the veggie plate."

I also know that getting moving is going to rev things up so perhaps more movement and just a slight adjustment to my eating will be enough to see the scale moving again.

Thanks all :)

Anonymous said...

You said you'd walk and bike more this week. How's that going now that the week is almost over?

Lyn said...


Going great! I'm really enjoying the better weather, and feeling energized!

Kristi said...

Regarding which meal should be biggest, I really think you have to listen to your body. Everyone says the most important meal of the day is breakfast but if
I eat breakfast when I get up at six, I eat all day long. If I wait until my stomach says I'm hungry, around 10:30 or so, I can eat nicely and calmly. I've lost 170 pounds now from listening to my body and cutting out sugars and highly processed foods. I've kept it off now for 14 months. Good luck figuring it out.

LHA said...

Lyn, just to clarify about eating very light in the evening, I also am triggered to eat more during the day if I eat a big breakfast. In fact, I don't eat until I get hungry which is usually anywhere from 10 AM-noon every day. I've tried the big breakfast thing many times and it just doesn't work for me. I eat my main meal around noon, and eat a very light dinner when I am trying hard to lose weight. Going to bed a little hungry is my cue that weight loss is going to occur. You are right, we are all different and timing of food is different for everyone. Just thought I would clarify my comment.

heidi said...

This is what my personal experience has been: (after coming down from 261 to 185 a little over three years ago 42F 5'6" and keeping the weight off since that time) anytime I eat higher carb (over 50 net carb), I can't control my appetite and am actively gaining weight. Anytime I control my carb intake (lower than 50 net, ideally less than 30 net) but also eat to hunger I maintain weight and anytime I eat low carb and also experience hunger for a least 4 hours each day I lose weight. For me at this weight, eating low carb is not enough to actually lose weight. I have to experience hunger as well to lose weight. I think that is where counting calories or some sort of restriction comes in to play. It is really easy to try to convince myself that eating low carb SHOULD be enough for me to lose weight. The last three years has shown me though, that for ME, it's not enough. I will eat enough low carb, higher fat items (cheese, avocado, nuts, bacon) to maintain my current weight if I'm not actively trying to restrict intake. That's hard to accept. Honestly, even after three years of maintaining my weight loss, I feel like I "deserve" to lose weight by just eating low carb. But I would probably see a weight loss of 1 pound a month if I ate 100% low carb, but to appetite. I know that I have high insulin in response to carb intake, but I also think I struggle with lower than optimum thyroid hormones as well as excessive cortisol. Trying to get all the hormones back to an optimal state is not an easy process. Anyway, it's often tempting to give up low carb, because my head says "it's not working anymore". I struggle with feeling like I should be able to eat 80/20 on plan and feeling like I SHOULD lose weight because that seems to work for other people on the internet. I think that works for people who have never been as obese as I was and who have a better hormonal situation than I do. Wrapping my head about doing what works for me and not for some 25 year old 6' tall never been obese man has been hard. I read a lot online about other people doing XYZ and losing weight and it's just not like that for me anymore. It was a lot easier in my 20's and 30's. But honestly, I know what I have to do to lose, maintain, or gain weight.

FrenchyMcFrenchcake said...

Agreed Heidi! I am 46F 5'2. I have thyroid issues as well and I must do pretty vigorous exercise 4 + days per week NOT to gain! I am currently doing lower carb as well and hopefully I will lose, but I d be happy not to gain.

sarah said...

Anonymous, not all weight loss surgery is the same & they don't require you to severely restrict your food. WLS is just another tool, and when used correctly (eating protein first, no drinking during and 30minutes after meals, and exercising), is quite effective. I can only speak for myself, but after a lifetime of obesity and trying to lose weight the "normal" way, getting my sleeve was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I lost 113 lbs in a year, eat healthier than I ever have & get plenty of regular exercise.

There's still so much stigma around WLS, so I'm just doing my part to share what my experience was.

sarah said...

Hi Lyn, I was sleeved in September 2015 & lost 140lbs from my highest weight. I've literally worked my ass of, but it was the best thing I could've done for myself. Most insurance requires 6 months of supervised loss, so I actually started the process with insurance before I made up my mind. I figured that would give me 6 months to figure out what I wanted to do & I'd have the option. I know you're somewhere in WA… I'm in Seattle & would be more than happy to talk more about my experience.

Ultimately, you'll make the decision that's right for you, but don't let the stigma around having WLS if you think that's what's going to be best for you.

Tina said...

Hm, six months seems a good time frame to try the post-WLS diet plan to see if you could see yourself eating that way until the end of your life. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best!