My knees have started to hurt a bit more at this weight (249-250) and I am considering how I might get to a healthier weight without re-triggering ED thoughts. It is a delicate balance. I don't think it will always be a delicate balance, but being so new into recovery I am extra cautious *not* to stir up the obsessive chaos in my mind that restriction brings. So far, just moving some of my snack foods into meals ("later" instead of "never") is feeling solid and calm. My weight is stable, a pound or two either direction of 250. My knees are making more activity difficult, even the activities I love like raking leaves and yard work or walking the dogs. So I am left to ponder: what's next?
I avoid thinking any negative thoughts about my weight, size, or appearance. I have accepted myself fully at whatever weight I am. I folded and stored away any clothing that is too tight or no longer fits me. I have a calmness I have never experienced before, with no stress or emotion either way when I do get on the scale or look in the mirror. I enjoy this contentment. I am talking about a health issue though, so if my joints need a lighter me to be able to continue to function, that's something I have to address.
I have found I am eating a lot less sweets since changing my thinking. I have very few cravings anymore and NO obsessive food thoughts. I eat what I like. I eat small portions, 3 meals and usually 2 snacks a day. Since I am eating less sugar I know that *that* is not the pain issue. It must be the heaviness and pressure on the joints. How to reduce that without triggering? Without restricting?
Thoughts: I have been reading about intermittent fasting a bit. While I am not comfortable with restriction for long periods, I think it would be pretty easy and non-restrictive to shift my morning eating to a later time and my evening eating to an earlier time. Just having a smaller "eating window" might be enough to change my weight to a more comfortable level for my knees. I currently often have coffee at 6:30 or 7, breakfast at 8 or 9, noontime lunch, dinner at 6 or 7, and a snack at 10. I am not that hungry in the mornings so some days I just have coffee until lunch time. I think I will shift my breakfast/lunch to around 10 or 11:00 and move dinner to 5:30 or 6. I'll see how it feels to skip the bedtime snack which is often just something small anyway. That would give me a 7-8.5 hour eating window. That, along with asking myself more often "Do I really want this pasta? Or would spaghetti squash be just as good?" or adding more low carb veggie options that are just as satisfying as grain based choices, could be enough to shift the balance back toward a healthier weight. This is also not restrictive because if I want the pasta or toast I will still have it, but if a lower carb option sounds good I will do that. I just need to get back into the habit of having those lower carb choices available.
I'll start taking my joint supplements again this week (fish oil, turmeric, ginger, MSM, glucosamine, and chondroitin) and that will help as well. Looking forward to improvements this week!
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
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