This transformation is real. It is palpable. I am starting to experience life in the ways I experienced at when I was at my happiest and losing weight every week both on calorie counting and on Medifast. There is this happy contentment when you get in the groove of whatever diet plan you are on and you're seeing results and your body is getting healthier and healthier. It is aside from any angst about giving up certain foods because when you're dieting, at a certain point the results *really* are worth whatever you gave up and whatever effort you're putting in. The difference this time is, this feeling is not dependent on weight! It is not teetering on the edge of a crash into sadness and despair the moment you eat something "off plan" or see a gain on the scale. It is just a sense of things being *right* and your mind and heart being at peace.
I remember weighing in the 170's and 180's and just feeling like life was so much brighter and exciting. I was living and not just existing. All the fall leaves were vibrant and the air seemed to crisp and fresh. I thought this amazing feeling of being fully alive was because I had lost 100 pounds. But you know what? It wasn't. I have felt that way many times since then. But that sense of wellness has often been often fogged by the disordered eating thoughts that were dragging me down. The cravings... the compulsions to go and buy *just the right food* to eat and fulfill my "needs"... the sense of guilt and shame over my eating and my weight... all of those things were clouding up my happiness. But now that all of that is gone, I am free to fully live and experience life as it should be. And the best part? It has *nothing* to do with weight or "diet success." This is a beautiful thing. Eating disorders are like chains. Those thoughts that drive the disorder are a form of bondage. Being thin but still in that bondage is not recovery, and not true freedom. Diet obsession while thin is just as disordered as food obsession when fat. It is sad that eating disorders can rule one's life, but it's true that they do. You may be having good days and feel happy but always in the background is the chatter of the ED and the worry about relapse or how to quiet those thoughts. ALL of that is gone now. THAT makes any pounds gained as I worked on the mental aspect of this, worth it.
And now I am quite sure my body is returning to its best health physically, because the mental and emotional aspects are finally made right. The body will surely follow.
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
Escape from Obesity by Lyn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
All material contained in this blog, including written posts and photographs, is protected by U.S. copyright law. If you would like to reproduce a post or part of a post online, you may do so on a non-commercial site as long as you attribute the material to myself, "Lyn of Escape from Obesity," and include a link to my blog. Any commercial use of these materials is prohibited. If you have questions, please contact me via email.
I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Which basically means, if you shop through my amazon links, I earn a small commission. Thanks!