Hey I hit 250 this week! Not miles on my bike... no, that would be zero... but 250 pounds. Yes, I got on the scale yesterday and that's what I saw. That is up 5 pounds from the last time I weighed (I think. I have not been writing it down). I also had to go out and buy a pair of size 20W jeans because the 18's got too tight. I figured I would share here because I do want to have some sort of record of my weight while I am healing from disordered eating. Speaking of which...
Here's some of the choices I have made recently. I did not make my eating choices based on weight *at all.* Sometimes I made them based on health. Sometimes I made them based on what I felt like eating. Other times I ate what was easiest, what was available, or what was offered. Occasionally I regretted eating something, but not because of weight/diet. Instead, I regretted it because it was not as good as I'd imagined and the health impact of that food was not worth the taste of it. But the best thing is I remained calm about my food, eating, and weight. I have had zero anxiety, stress, or obsessive thoughts about food and zero occasions of compulsive eating. That is my victory.
Breakfasts: some mornings I ate hearty meals. Other days I just had black coffee all morning. If I wasn't hungry, I just skipped it. Today I had leftover thin crust spinach Alfredo pizza for breakfast. Another day I had a bowl of vegetable soup. On a trip, we stayed in a hotel and I ate scrambled eggs with sausage gravy on top, and a fresh apple. Several days, I had a poached egg or two... with or without bacon, and with or without a piece of toast. One day I just had a protein shake for the morning.
Lunch and Dinner: I've cooked soups several times and included lots of vegetables and protein in those, but not pasta or rice. I've had some canned soups, too... mainly tomato or cream of mushroom. On our trip I had a dinner of chicken fried steak with gravy, a baked potato, green beans, and a salad with Ranch. I was only able to eat half of each part of that meal, but it was very good. I have let myself enjoy foods that I had crossed off the list years ago due to being fried or breaded or higher carb. But as you can see, all those years of cutting those things out didn't result in weight loss anyway. So I am enjoying what I want and making healthy choices for *most* meals... although I did have some sweet potato fries and a caramel fudge sundae this week too.
Snacks: I eat fruit for many of my snacks: apples, Clementines, pears, berries, melon. I had cucumbers dipped in Ranch a time or two. I also have raw almonds sometimes, or a string cheese. If I want crackers I have them, but I find I don't really want them very often.
Yeah, my old Diet Self would say I am indulging and making bad choices. But I am done being ruled by guilt and making food a moral issue. I firmly believe that after all these years of dieting, the only way I am going to get to a comfortable weight and be healthy for good is to let go of all of that and let my body naturally lead the way to where it wants to be.
Feeling good today, and looking forward to fall and the holidays! Hope you are too.
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
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