An update, or maybe a continuation of my post yesterday, which was written from a place of fear and desperation. I still have it underlying. But I am still working through it. I do want to thank you all who left comments and answer a few things. A lot of you mentioned OA. Funny, I had written a paragraph about OA in that post and then deleted it because it seemed like a lot of blather, but basically what I said was this. Before I wrote the post, I sat down and looked up all the possible weight loss support groups in my area, from OA to TOPS to WW to a private group. I contacted all of them either by phone or email, and found that most of the meetings were at times I could not attend or were 30-45 minutes away. There is a TOPS meeting closer to me so I may give them a try. I did OA meetings a couple of times in the past, when they were not far from my home. I also have done OA online but never with a sponsor (not sure if they even do sponsors for online participants). I am definitely in a place where I would like some kind of weekly meeting for support in this, so I hope the TOPS meeting pans out.
I wanted to give a general idea of what I meant by saying I failed all week, so here is a look at one day:
I started out the morning with my usual cup of black decaf coffee. After I got ready and took my daughter to school, I came home and ate. Here's the rest of my day:
Breakfast: 2 slices of bacon, 1 egg, 1/4 c zucchini grated and sauteed, and 2/3 c cantaloupe. Another cup of coffee with 2 T. half and half
Snack: protein hot cocoa
Lunch: 7 T. hummus and one sliced cucumber with sugar free peach iced tea
afternoon: decaf coffee with 2 T. half and half
afternoon, hungry again: 1 leftover bratwurst with onions and peppers
I got very cravy later in the day and ate 2 whole, freshly picked tomatoes with just salt.
At dinner it "fell apart," at least I felt like it did because we had all these lovely tomatoes and fresh lettuce from the neighbor's garden, and everyone was eating BLTs and I just WANTED one. So I used whole wheat bread (and felt like... yes it is too high carb, but better than white) with bacon, tomatoes, lettuce, and mayo.
This was a rather early dinner (at 5) and later, when people were eating ice cream sandwiches I had a cup of decaf coffee with 2 T half and half. And then, I gave in and had an ice cream sandwich, too.
I weighed, measured, and tracked calories all the way through this and at 6 pm I was at 1406 calories, 132 g carbs and 65 g protein. If I would have stopped eating at this point it would have been fine!!! But I felt like I had failed because of the bread and the ice cream sandwich... and something went on emotionally, about this... and I drove to the gas station and got a Hershey bar and ate that, came home and had some cheese and crackers and a diet soda. I did not measure them and did not add it to my tracking for the day. Instead I gave up and felt like I was a failure.
This is typical of what I have done all week. Eating not ideal, but not horrible, but then something flips my switch and I lose my bearings. Like if dinner is provided and I don't have any idea what the calorie count is, I bail on the tracking and eat MORE than usual. And if something like a cookie is available that normally I would say no to, I find myself thinking "I can fit this into my calories today" and eating it, only to feel like a failure again EVEN THOUGH it DOES fit into my calories, and just quitting later in the evening. Really dumb, I know! I know it is my head so why?
Today once again I am attempting to track a solid day. It is almost 2 pm and I am at 694 calories... a bit high for this early in the day, but really okay. I am trying not to go over 1500/day as a starting point. I also biked 3 miles this morning and plan to bike again in the evening.
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
Escape from Obesity by Lyn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
All material contained in this blog, including written posts and photographs, is protected by U.S. copyright law. If you would like to reproduce a post or part of a post online, you may do so on a non-commercial site as long as you attribute the material to myself, "Lyn of Escape from Obesity," and include a link to my blog. Any commercial use of these materials is prohibited. If you have questions, please contact me via email.
I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Which basically means, if you shop through my amazon links, I earn a small commission. Thanks!