Time is ticking by. I feel like I am running out of time to fix my health and get this weight off. Biking is a great habit, but it's just one facet of the whole picture of better health. My eating this week has been so back-and-forth and resulted in a zero loss on the scale this week. I keep doing the same stupid things, like craving Coke when I am PMSing and going to the store to buy ONE CAN of Coke. Not diet Coke, not Coke Zero. Real Coke. I tell myself how great it is that I bought ONE CAN and only drank half, but this is pure bull. Coke is something I crave during PMS. It is also something that is screwing my health... yes, even one (half) can.
Again with the stupid stuff like stopping at the new ice cream store for "just one scoop" because it is homemade and high quality and I threw out the cone and all of that. And with the French bread with dinner because I know how good it tastes and I want a piece. And the hash browns with breakfast because after all they are a vegetable and I am only having a little bit with my healthy eggs and fruit. All of this, little sprinkles of unhealthy choices against a canvas of GOOD choices, always seems so justified to me. Yes I had a cheeseburger on a bun, but I ate fresh CSA box produce and lean protein the rest of the time! Yes I had a donut hole at church with my coffee, but the coffee was black and hey it was just a hole, not an entire donut. All this rationalization and justification is what is keeping me mired in fatness and misery.
I am tired of being huge and in pain, and tired of saying I am tired of it. I am tired of remembering how great I felt at 175 pounds, and looking in the mirror and realizing that I weigh 242 pounds and it is wrecking my joints and my body in so many ways. I feel exhausted most of the time and the last 2 weeks it is getting worse and worse. This is bull crap! I have it in my power to fix this, so why am I not doing it? Sometimes I wonder if obesity is a mental illness.
So I bike (not yesterday because, of course, I needed a "break" and after all, that Coke made me so tired after the caffeine wore off so I skipped the bike and rationalized that I would bike extra today, which I haven't) and I eat low carb and healthy "MOST" of the time (except when I feel like eating spaghetti and meatballs or a piece of lemon pie) and my health continues to crash and burn. I ain't getting any younger, 50 is looming a few years out, and honestly all I can say is this behavior is bull crap. Total bull.
I can sit here on the couch typing and drinking Snapple while declaring that "now's the time to change" and "I am not going to act like that anymore" and "I am done making excuses" but the reality is none of that matters if I don't get off my ample butt and DO IT. So I won't make any proclamations. Doing it is all that matters... not the words. Only the actions.
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
Escape from Obesity by Lyn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
All material contained in this blog, including written posts and photographs, is protected by U.S. copyright law. If you would like to reproduce a post or part of a post online, you may do so on a non-commercial site as long as you attribute the material to myself, "Lyn of Escape from Obesity," and include a link to my blog. Any commercial use of these materials is prohibited. If you have questions, please contact me via email.
I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Which basically means, if you shop through my amazon links, I earn a small commission. Thanks!