I've been going back and reading over the part of my blog when I was on Medifast and went from 234 pounds to 175. The amount of mental and emotional work I had to do on that stretch of my journey was intense! Just reading from March through October of 2010, I see more emotional growth than at any other time in my life. I worked through the things that were holding me back, overcame fears, let go of baggage that was dragging me down.
As I read, I am struck by the realization that as I regained the weight, it's like I walked right back along the same path and picked up the baggage and emotional garbage as I regained each pound. Every "item" I dropped along the way, I picked back up on the way back. That hurts. I feel like I regressed so much from all the healing I had done. I thought it was permanent, but I guess not. I have to work though those issues again if I ever start losing weight again. I just hope it will be easier the second time around, and that there will never be a third time.
I have so much life to live. It is good, but I want it to be the best it can be. If I am too tired to walk both dogs each day, or too weak and unbalanced to participate in a sport I like, or my clothes are uncomfortable or I just feel crappy from eating too many carbs or whatever, I am missing out. I enjoy the days when I eat less and eat well and have the energy to do whatever I want to do. I actually have *more* energy when I eat under 1000 calories a day and under 100 grams of carbs.
I can't do-over Medifast, exactly. I could re-enact Medifast by using real food and keeping my nutritional stats the same as it was on Medifast (under 1000 calories and 100 grams of carbs per day, plus adequate protein and lower fat) but that would require weighing, measuring, and counting. I could try even lower carb but higher fat. I can do any of a myriad of different things with my eating as long as it doesn't involve junk. I am still considering WLS but all of the bad experiences I am hearing about give me second thoughts. I have an appointment with my doctor next week and we'll see what she has to say about it.
Yesterday I wore my FitBit and got 6703 steps. I want to be sure I get over 5,000 each day but hitting 10,000 is going to be awhile. I can walk a mile or two at a time before I start to have joint pain and/or tendon issues so I break my walks up. Maybe as the weight comes off I will be able to go farther at once. I actually did count calories yesterday and didn't do as well as usual: 1288 calories, 171 g carbs, 78 g protein, 31 g fat. I needed more fat and less carbs yesterday for sure. We had friends over for dinner and I grilled carne asada. They brought freshly made corn tortillas (that's where most of my extra carbs came from!) I did get in plenty of vegetables (red and green peppers, onions, and pattypan squash all on the grill) and felt pretty good. Oh, and I also biked for 25 minutes, which I am trying to make my new habit.
I have to say you all are such good, supportive people and I am taking in all of your advice, experiences, and suggestions. I'm reading Gary Taubes Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It right now, and will be talking to my endocrinologist next week to get her opinion on WLS or what other options I have. I am NOT going to be in this situation this time next year (I will be significantly lighter) so I need input on what path is going to be sure to get me there. In the meantime, I eat less, walk more, bike daily.
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
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