Friday, July 15, 2016

Deadline


In a couple of weeks it will have been nine YEARS since I started this blog. I cannot believe that. In that time, I've lost 103 pounds, been up and down the scales repeatedly, regained 70 pounds but always kept off that last 30 and, for the most part over the last two and a half years, have just been swinging back and forth between 225 and 245 pounds. For the year and a half prior to that I was swinging between 205 and 225 pounds. It's been about three and a half years since I have seen 199.

I cannot express to you how determined I am to get this weight off. I am *almost* to a point where I would consider weight loss surgery. I really feel like that might be the only answer. But my fear of surgery and complications is pushing me to give this one last shot before I start asking my doctor for details on WLS. Every day I push myself to give my best effort at weight loss the "old fashioned" way. Every day I try to not eat until I really *need* to, and then make it the smallest possible amount and only a limited selection (produce, meat, fish, eggs, dairy, and protein bars/shakes/products), with limited carbs. I am making time now for the walking and biking that I need to keep my metabolism from screeching to a halt while I restrict. This fat is in the way and I have to get rid of it.

Today I haven't eaten yet (just black coffee) but the plan is to cook up some kale and onions for lunch and some cabbage with beef and tomatoes for dinner. I will use my protein shakes and protein water to get through the afternoon and evening if I need it. They are only 60 to 110 calories each so a good portion of protein for little calories as a snack. With about 200 calories for lunch and 400 for dinner, plus 2-3 snacks, I will stay well under 1000 calories a day.

I am tired and frustrated with this whole "journey" and so over it, and ten years of blogging about it without getting to a point of long term maintenance is NOT an option. I am giving myself until my ten year bloggiversary in August, 2017, to be at goal whether that is by diet and exercise or by surgery. This is just getting stupid and needs to be fixed.

27 comments:

LHA said...

I understand your feelings. I bet many people (including me) have felt the way you feel and been determined to end this crazy weight loss merry go round once and for all. I wish you luck in finding the answer that best suits you. As for WLS, I have always been afraid of it for two reasons. First, an acquaintance of mine died from complications of WLS, never making it out of the hospital. I don't know how common an occurrence that is but her death has always given me pause. Second, another woman I knew developed a transfer addiction to alcohol after WLS and eventually died of liver failure. I'm sure that those are isolated incidents but they do come to my mind when I think of WLS. My way of eating is pretty similar to what you are currently doing, as that is what I have found works best for me over the long haul. I'm never perfect in its execution for too long, but any lapses I do have are kept short and sweet and then I'm right back with the program. My fingers are crossed for both of us and all your many readers who are working hard to achieve a healthy weight, hoping that we can find peace with food and live a healthy life. Thanks for a great blog.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lyn!

I urge you to check this out...if you are determined to do this (and I applaud you!), you should educate yourself on the safest way to do it. You need the correct amount of protein, and you need to be careful with too much exercise on very low calories, as it will NOT help your metabolism, but rather make things worse.

Best,
Lisa

Rachel rbs said...

Have you tried any specific eating plan? For me, it helps to have some specific guidelines. I have tried many different ones over the years to find one that works the best for me in the long term. Good luck.

Lyn said...

LHA~

I am pretty scared of WLS too. I have heard of people dying and I have a friend who has had to have more surgeries and a lot of pain after hers. I have other friends who had the lap band and still regained weight because they throw up vegetables but can keep down ice cream. I would probably do gastric bypass and not a band. I am afraid to do it but I am going to need other surgeries if I don't lose weight. Thanks for always being so supportive and positive!

Anon/Lisa~

Oh don't worry, I won't go overboard on exercise... my joints (and tendon issues) won't let me do more than a couple of walks and maybe a half hour of biking per day.

Rachel~

I have. The ones that worked at least short term, and were reasonably doable for me, were South Beach diet and Medifast. I am considering starting to count carbs again because that is why both of those plans worked.

Anonymous said...

^^^ re: your answer to Rachel -- why do you have to "consider" counting carbs (and other macros while you're at it)? You know it works. You know it's a very sustainable habit. And if you take the two minutes a day to portion your food, once you've come up with a basic food roster, you'll know exactly what you're getting. Why is it that you always need weeks of mulling, pondering, thinking, considering -- even when you KNOW from experience it's something you can do? Start measuring your food and counting your carbs tonight. The hell with the delays.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you see a dietitian and a nutritionist?

Lyn said...

Anon/counting~

Because I don't like to weigh, measure, and count my food. It gets obsessive and is not sustainable. I might do it anyway, if I have to, but would rather not. Not sure what you mean about weeks of mulling. I have been doing the same thing for 3 weeks, minus the days I was on vacation... and even then, I was eating the same way 80% of the time. It's actually a good thing to *think* while one is working on a problem. WHILE working on... which is what I am doing.

Anon/last~

What for?

Anonymous said...

Lyn!!! What for??? So you know what to eat!

Lyn said...

Dearest Anon~

I could ask 20 different "specialists": dietitians, doctors, nurses, therapists, weight loss "experts", exercise gurus... and ALL of them would tell me some different way to eat. Even the 2 dietitians I have seen could not agree on what I should be eating. So I am following the advice of my endocrinologist, who knows me and my blood work and history, and just happens to agree with my experience (that I should base my eating on protein and produce and eat less carbs, and most of those should come from fruits and vegetables). It's really not a matter of not knowing what to eat. It's a matter of not giving in to cravings and food addiction.

Anonymous said...

When my doctor hinted around last fall that I was getting a little too fluffy, I enlisted the help of a registered dietician, who just so happened to be my daughter-in-law. She came up with an eating plan for me that is very manageable. I do weigh out my nuts and meat just because I need to learn what a serving size looks like. I get three satisfying meals a day plus two snacks if needed. I am not counting anything like calories, carbs, etc. I'm eating real food without relying on meal replacement products like shakes/protein bars. Everyone is different and there is not a one-size-fits-all diet plan. I hope you find what works for you.

Luna1959 said...

Hi Lyn Please google and read about Dr. Jason Fung. There are also videos of his lectures out there. I am 57, prediabetic, and about 30 pounds overweight. I decided I had nothing to lose by trying intermittent fasting and low carb high fat foods. This may not be your answer but please look into it. I too would also be scared at the thought of surgery! Don't pull that trigger just yet. I've really just started but I can tell I'm not craving sweets and carbs as much. I am rooting for you!

Cyndi and Stumpy said...

Yay! I can comment, again!

I almost got the bariatric surgery, several years ago. Part of me wishes I had. Maybe then I'd have won the war and only had to fight minor battles.

No matter what you decide there's a bunch of us out here rooting for you!

Anonymous said...

I was at the end of my rope last fall, 160 lbs overweight. Extreme obesity. I really felt like I was at the point of one last ditch effort to lose the weight (and keep it off) before I had no choice but to consider WLS.

With my doctor's support, I basically ate like I'd had the surgery. I didn't go as extreme as when they are in recovery (liquid only), but I read the guidelines extensively and stuck to 800 calories a day, protein high, carbs very very low. I did that for a few months, then slowly increased to 1000 calories and now 1200 calories. I'm still losing well, but that jump start was what I needed. I've lost 130 lbs with 30 more to go.

Again, this was with doctor supervision, just as a WLS patient would be. While it certainly has different challenges, there is nothing inherently more dangerous about eating 800 calories a day and super low carb for someone who hasn't had the surgery vs someone who has. I figured I might as well do it as a last ditch effort, because I'd have to do it if I got WLS anyway.

My plantar fasciitis cleared up about 80% within a few weeks, even though I hadn't lost a ton of weight yet. It was the inflammation. Acid reflux was gone. Sadly, my body just doesn't tolerate large amounts of carbs well, and it sounds like yours doesn't either.

Something to consider. WLS terrifies me. The "gold standard" surgery changes every few years - VSG is now the big thing, not RNY which is what most people consider the gastric bypass. I'm not sure your height, but for some reason I have 5'7" in my head. If you're 240 at 5'7", you're just barely into the category where you'd qualify, with comorbidities. I'don't be hesitant to cut out part of my digestive system when 50 lbs would make such a big difference, even if you never get to the "perfect" weight. It feels so extreme for a BMI under 40. Now, if you're shorter, that may be a different story!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Lyn,

I'd recommend looking into the prerequisites for gastric bypass if you're truly interested. I don't know what they are specifically, but I was under the impression that you had to meet certain criteria for size or size-related complications (diabetes, etc.) to qualify. I understand why those requirements are there, but I do think it's frustrating that people have to wait until AFTER they reach a certain level of degenerative health if they're otherwise willing and have the means.

Also lol@ the nutritionist anon. Not only could a nutritionist give conflicting advice, I highly doubt they would tell Lyn anything she doesn't already know anyway. I had a roommate who was an RD, and she never gave anything but the most generic, google-able advice. She sounded like a Livestrong article most of the time. I inadvertently got to overhear her phone sessions with her patients because the walls were thin and she talked very loudly.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you have heard of her, she blogged for a while when you did, but Fit and Free Emily recently had WLS and is instagramming and YTing her journey. She seems to be doing really well with it so far! Might be worth watching and reading her experience with it.

https://www.instagram.com/fitandfreeemily_rny/

Erin McCann said...

I had VSG over four years ago and went from 279 to 159 and then bounced up to 180. This is normal. I no longer have sleep apnea, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or pre diabetic symptoms. I also no longer have mysterious skin rashes. I chose VSG over bypass as it seemed less likely to cause side effects and allows for better vitamin absorption. Here is the best part, the part I hope your heart will hear. I no longer binge, I no longer purge, I no longer crave like a mad woman. I no longer fantasize all day about pizza or feel I must have ice cream all else be damned. It's not easy, the first eight weeks are very difficult but you know how to move through a process. I am no longer in pain. Mentally, emotionally or physically. I wil help you in any way I can. I've been reading your blog for about 7 years. I'm not preaching, I really care.

Anonymous said...

I have read your blog for years. I had WLS- the sleeve a year ago and have had no complications. Only very few people have complications. I get so tired of people who say 'i knew someone who died'. What about all the complications of being obese? You have to weigh the risk and reward and WLS for me has been the best thing I could have done for my heath. I'm 38 and had been on metformin for 15 years, was insulin dependent with my pregnancies, had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and my blood pressure was going up. Those things along with some not so great genetics made me a good candidate. I've always been a good patient and could follow any plan but never got great results. It was so nice to follow a plan and get results! I love how I'm able to eat now...it's so freeing compared to all the diets I've been on. Small portions, healthier choices. I urge you to join some facebook groups, read some message boards and do your research to see if it's the right choice for you. Good luck.

Lyn said...

Thank you all... I am looking at all the options and suggestions you shared with me. I am open to anything right now. I cannot be obese anymore.

Erin, I am definitely interested in VSG. If you want to drop me an email I have some questions for you about your experience, thanks.

Anon who ate the WLS diet~

I have thought about doing that. You're right, eating the diet without VSG is not any more dangerous or bad for your body than eating the same way AFTER surgery. If I could manage to stick to that I would definitely do it. I am looking for resources and will ask my doctor. It couldn't be much harder than Medifast was. If you have a diet plan you followed could you send it to me via email?

LHA said...

I have enjoyed reading these comments and the different points of view on eating/weight control. I did have a couple of things to add. First, I understand what Lyn is saying about counting, measuring and recording foods and that it makes her obsess about food. I have the same reaction and it took me years to figure that out! Several years ago I stopped all of those things and have had much better luck controlling my weight since then. I know for some people that really works, and that's terrific. For me, it is counterproductive and usually leads to overeating and weight gain. Also, I do go to a nutritionist and have for several years, but I don't think this is necessary for everyone. Mine serves as more of a "counselor" and helps me with emotional eating as well as keeping me informed about the nutritional aspect of choosing foods. I definitely can see Lyn's point that conflicting advice can come from different nutritionists.

Anonymous said...

Anon who followed a WLS-ish diet here. No diet plan to email. I set my macros with my doctor (they have changed over time) and use My Fitness Pal to track. It sounds like you don't want to track, but I guess if you preset some meals and know what they are, as long as you stick to those items, it would work.

I started out around 35 grams carbs (total, not net), I think 90 - 100 grams carbs, and whatever fat was needed to get up to 800 calories. I've increased and am sitting at 50g total carb maximum, 100g protein minimum, and the rest fat up to 1200 calories. I do have days I go over, maybe 2 a month, but I just accept those as mess ups and move on. It's tempting for me to call them days to review my metabolism, justify it in some way... nope, just days I didn't hold the line very well. There is power for me in accepting it without beating myself up, instead of playing mental games.

Lyn said...

Anon~

Thank you for the reply. I am looking at My Fitness Pal, which is what I last used to track food. It has a setting for "Meals" that you can save. I think I could use this to do what you said: preset a few meals (preferably things that are already measured), save them to that feature, and eat a small rotation of only those items. I can easily throw together a few casseroles that would fit a Lean and Green meal's nutritional stats for 1/12 or 1/9 of the pan, and then never have to weigh or measure it again.

I am thinking when you said 90-100 grams carbs you meant protein and that sounds about right to me. Medifast always had me above 72g/day, and the WLS guide I found online said to make sure you get over 60g/protein/day.

Best wishes in continuing your plan!

Anonymous said...

Yes, I meant protein! Whoops!

Lissa said...

Hi Lyn,
1) I love your blog. You have such courage and persistence.
2) second look at NSNG? It means no sugar no grains, and it's a mishmash of paleo, Atkins, and a whole foods diet. I belong to their Facebook group and it's FULL of helpful people with good information.
3) did the Gary Taubes book become available yet? It's very readable, quite scientific but also relatable. And I love how it points out that obesity is a hormonal issue, not sloth or gluttony!!
4) Taubes video here, for those interested: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qEuIlQONcHw&feature=youtu.be

Good luck!!!

Lyn said...

Lissa~

yes! I am on chapter 2. I've been meaning to see if you wanted to talk a little about it via email. I'd love to hear more about what it's done for you. Thanks for the video link :)

Anonymous said...

To: Anonymous Who Followed a WLS-ish diet and lost 130 lbs:

I have been think about doing this myself! I thought, well, if you have to follow the diet anyway pre-surgery, why couldn't you follow it without the dangers of surgery? Anyway, I am thrilled for your success and want to do this for myself.

I have made an appt to see my GP and will show him this source:
http://www.obesitycoverage.com/the-big-gastric-bypass-diet-guide/

My question to you is, how much exercising have you done with your bariatric diet? What types, and for how long? Thank you so much for any info you can provide.

Lyn, I am so sorry to hijack your comments in this fashion, but I am just so excited to learn of Anonymous' success! I want that success for me, too!

Sue

MaryFran said...

Seriously...did you just read my mind??? I am so tired of this up and down. I lost 130 pounds but have been up and down and stuck t around 230. Disillusioned, despondent...so many things describe myself....but when it's all said and down I still want it really badly!!! I think and see that you do to! Let's stop focusing on where we have been and the journey ahead and maybe we just need to focus on the right here and right now moments that will link together to help us reach our goals!!!

Lyn said...

Thanks Sue! Share away!

MaryFran~

Yes! Let's do this right now. You can email me anytime for support! We can do this.