Sunday, June 12, 2016

Update


It's been a super busy week and I'm not sure what to write about. But I wanted to touch base here, so I will just throw out a few things I think of to share.

I haven't gotten on the scale yet. I am still averting my eyes every time I go into the bathroom and trying to not feel guilty for not knowing what I weigh. I can be pretty sure it is more than the 227 I saw last time I weighed, because my pants are tight. I am just feeling too emotionally vulnerable about my weight to face a number at the moment. Dumb, and against all advice I have ever given on this blog, but that's where I'm at so I own it.

My eating still goes back and forth quite a bit. For example, yesterday I'd call a good (healthy) day: protein cereal with berries and almond milk for breakfast, a big salad of CSA box lettuce, spinach, and pea pods topped with grated cheddar and some Ranch dressing for lunch, and dinner was a nice piece of steak over a bed of greens and vegetables with blue cheese dressing. My snacks were watermelon, cherries, strawberries, blueberries, and a string cheese, and before bed I had a cup of decaf coffee and a square of dark chocolate. On a bad (not healthy for me) day, I had a pancake, an egg, and bacon for breakfast with orange juice, a burger and fries for lunch, and a bean/cheese burrito with sour cream for dinner. Snacks were iced coffees with cream, a donut, some M&Ms, and a bowl of Doritos. See how my bad days lack produce?? I know that when I focus on produce instead of on what I "shouldn't" eat, I do much better. So I did have more good days than bad this week and am still trying to find a balance.

This week's CSA box contained loads of fresh organic blueberries, white and red radishes, a bag of mixed greens, zucchinis, asparagus, and cherries. I think I will be buying some fresh salmon to put on the grill (on a cedar plank) this week. Tonight's dinner is going to be the last of the kale and spinach cooked with onions, garlic, and bacon, along with stir fried pea pods and fresh berries and watermelon. I am not making any meat tonight.

I have been really busy the last couple of weeks but now, finally, school is out, graduations are over, dance recitals are finished and everything is wrapped up for the summer. I am so excited that this year I am taking three of my kids, one of their friends, and my dog on a fishing trip! We are staying at a cabin in the woods on a lake where there are lots of trout and bass, places to swim and a dock for the boat. It's been tough to get my adult kids together for vacations the last couple years since they are all grown up and have jobs and other obligations so it'll be fun for us to spend time together. I can't wait!

One of these days this is going to click for me again. Seems like I am doing the same thing I used to do long ago, eating healthy for a few days and then junk for a couple days... switching back and forth a lot. As the healthy days get strung together it gets easier to say no to the junk, and at some point they will string together enough to see my weight go down again. I am not just sitting here waiting for it to happen, though. I am trying, every day, to make healthy choices and go longer and longer between episodes of eating poorly. It's a deeply ingrained habit but I am very proud, and glad, that my eating is 90% better than it was before I started blogging. I am not the white knuckling type, but I am working at it. I will see results, hopefully soon. When my pants stop being tight I am going to weigh.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

A bowl of Doritos? Really? -____-

Lyn said...

Anon~

Really!!! Can you believe it? The horror. Should I hate myself?

Véronique said...

Thank you for your produce guide, it is very interesting and useful.
It seems that you really educated yourself about healthy foods.
For me personally, I started seeing progress when I allowed myself to treat my body as a good friend and not the enemy.
Good luck on your journey.

Lisa Bóha said...

LOL @ Lyn!

Anonymous said...

@ Anon..... you have never had a bowl of something good in your life?? Dorito's? LOL At least Lyn put them in a bowl!! LMAO... most people would just devour the bag! lol

here's the thing: she keeps it real. She doesn't sugar coat anything so don't come here and bash.... not nice.. and if you do... at least have the guts to sign your name. That's it.


Its not all a wash out Lyn.. you've got this! :)
rosie

Rachel rbs said...

Camping sounds fun! Hang in there - you'll get back on the wagon and find that balance again.

Anonymous said...

LOL! Love your answer to "Anonymous" who obviously is perfect and would never eat a Dorito. They sound very unhappy and controlling in general. I would guess they live alone and are jealous of your life and success, so don't let it get to you. Keep smiling Lynn! We love you out here.

Mia

Lyn said...

Thanks all :) No worries, the Anon comment made me laugh so I had to respond...

Life is good, with or without the Doritos. Let's all be kind to each other; there's enough bad stuff in this world without us contributing to it, right? Be the good!

Anonymous said...

So much hate out there lately! That's why I had to comment. Its so petty. I'd rather enjoy my life today and not worry about what fat I have on my body. Although it does bother me, I could not imagine not enjoying something every so often and having something like that happen to me yesterday in Orlando. Those poor people were just enjoying life and sadly someone not happy took it from them.
I for one am not going to stop loving, living life.

Glad your happy , Lyn! It actually shows through your posts as of late!

:)
Rosie

LHA said...

I had the same thought that was already mentioned. At least you didn't eat the whole bag of Doritos! Lyn, "it is what it is" right now for you. As you say, you are trying every day to eat well and leave off the junk. For myself, once I get that sugar and heavy carbs out of my system, my eating sure goes a lot better. It is just hard to give it up entirely. I sometimes have luck in telling myself I will just defer eating the tempting junk. I won't eat it today, but if I still want it tomorrow I will eat it then. Usually by tomorrow the craving has stopped. I wish I had some other tricks to offer you. Hang in there. You know you have the right ideas and it will click again sooner or later as long as you don't give up.

Anonymous said...

Why would you take one day to eat only junk? A whole day of no nutrition?

Pam L said...

Thanks for the update, Lyn. I just went through about two weeks of poor eating and feeling like I just wanted to eat everything in sight. I can't figure out if it has to do with my cycle, stress, kids/summer....or what. Sometimes we just fall off the bandwagon. I have to say that the last 3 days I have felt better, eaten better, realized how much better I feel when I am in control and eating healthy. It's a struggle for sure, and will probably be a lifelong one.....hang in there! Enjoy your vacation, and for goodness sakes, don't beat yourself up! :)

JDET said...

OK, so I will state right up front that some are going to find my posting this wrong for different reasons, but here goes:

Lyn, I don't think the bowl of Doritos is a bad thing unless you make it a bad thing. If you could close it out and move on, then you've conquered the mental part of it. I haven't. One side of my brain tells me that an occasional splurge--even if it turned into a whole day--is not lethal, but the other side is screaming at me not to do it. I hit my goal weight in mid-April. Admittedly it was nothing compared to your weight loss: just 51 pounds, but still just over 30% of my body weight. But, unlike you, I guess I declared food as the enemy. Now I'm terrified of putting any of it back on, resulting in a whole new problem. I'm still losing weight and it's not a good thing. I'm one pound from being underweight by the BMI table. Please don't let anyone tell you that eating something is awful. I hate where I am now, and have to work my head back out of this because I never allowed myself to violate my diet once along the way despite passing through my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and many dinners with friends. Your attitude is clearly healthier than mine has become.

Anonymous said...

Lyn, why won't you publish my comment telling you need help to deal with your emotional attachment to food? It was respectful and thoughtful.

Lyn said...

Anon~

sorry, didn't see it. Want to try again?

Lyn said...

I want to write a post about some of this stuff and my thoughts about the comments, but I am too tired tonight. Been super busy but maybe I can write a post tomorrow. :)

Anonymous said...

The sad truth is, that one bad day is enough to undo the benefits of several good days. We have to have a lot more good days than bad just to maintain.