Stuff is happening this week, and I have gone back and forth for days between eating well and eating crappy. I've been eating less than healthy out of convenience, for comfort, and out of sheer laziness for the past few days and I am really feeling it in my body and mind. I'm feel very tired and get frustrated more easily on a processed food, higher carb diet and that has been *very* apparent this week. Regardless of what my weight is doing (staying the same), the way I feel is enough to make me stop in my tracks and make a u-turn, right now.
Primary events of my life right now, some happy and some not, but all contributing to the eating change:
Dear friend being diagnosed with cancer and scheduled for surgery next week.
Injured dog requiring care and attention daily.
Wonderful son bringing home his new girlfriend to meet the family and spend time with us.
Sick child for a couple of days (better now).
Meetings and prep for chaperoning a big overnight field trip with my daughter's class.
End of year dance recitals (love these! But there is a big time investment for a few weeks in May and June).
Helping my son shop for his first house (proud of him, he has worked hard for this. His older brother bought a condo earlier this year!)
My refrigerator died overnight, right after a big shopping trip where I bought lots of perishables like a large, lean sirloin roast, chicken sausages, ground turkey, milk, light dairy products, and my favorite splurge, fresh trout fillets. All warm and ruined by morning, when I discovered the problem by finding cold water instead of ice in the ice trays. Lots of trips up and down flights of stairs taking spoiled food out, lots of moving what was salvageable from the freezer to the chest freezer downstairs, lots of cleaning up melted, runny messes. I thought I was fine doing this but ended up with a painful knee and limping for 2 days. It's better now (brace, ice, rest and anti-inflammatories).
For the first 2 days we basically ate 2 meals a day out. That might not be a bad thing, generally speaking, because I could have gotten salads or protein and veggies. I chose cheap, because I knew we'd be eating out more often and had just lost a lot of $$$ in groceries. A burger and diet soda, or a cheap breakfast special (eggs, sausage, and a waffle). I also chose comfort (a cinnamon roll, a cookie with coffee). At a carnival I had a hot dog and a few bites of cotton candy. Poor choices because I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and frankly didn't care about nutrition in the moment. I care now, because I am waking up with a headache every day and have no energy and a lower frustration level for dealing with things.
I went shopping and found a new fridge that will fit in our smallish fridge space and it will be delivered in about a week and a half. When I realized how long it would take to get here, I knew I couldn't keep on with the eating out ($$$) and eating processed (health). So my task for today is to get the mini-fridge moved upstairs into the kitchen and get it stocked with small portions of healthy foods. Cooking is totally doable from the mini-fridge with some planning; I just have to cook smaller amounts (no room for leftovers in the fridge) and thaw meat from the freezer in the microwave on the day I cook it instead of thawing in the fridge overnight. We'll have fewer choices but it'll be okay.
Did any of you see the Extreme Weight Loss show this week where the trainer attempted to eat the client's unhealthy diet for a day? He had not eaten fast food in years, so after he ate greasy breakfast sandwiches and hash browns for breakfast and more salty, greasy food for lunch, he felt so sick he was vomiting and had to stop eating and rest for the day. He felt like he had a hangover the next day. He totally lost all energy and felt slow and depressed eating like that. Well, that's pretty much how I've felt with the choices I've made this week. I hate it so I'm not going to do that anymore.
I do this alot, I know. I see the pattern, I see how over the years I can go for weeks or months eating healthy and then something stressful or bothersome, exciting or scary, happens and I fly back into the old habits of eating what is easy, fast, and familiar (the stuff I used to eat before I lost weight). That's not a great thing, but at least I see it and turn it around before I start gaining a lot of weight. I can totally see why people who used to have such bad food habits and then change and lose a lot of weight, usually slip back into old habits and regain it all. It's soooo easy to let that happen! That's part of why I love blogging: it gives me a place to rant about what I am going through and SEE what excuses I have made and where it is going to lead me. Thank you for being the sounding board and being so supportive as I keep working to do better, and be better!
My first CSA box will arrive before my fridge will. I am going to be proactive and make SURE there is room in the mini fridge for some of it, and I am already planning recipes for meals the day the box arrives and the days after. I have a pretty good idea what is in season locally right now because I see it at the produce stands: asparagus, lots of greens, spring onions, strawberries. I don't know what else will be coming but I'm going to be ready to use that produce for healthy meals. Until then, I will use frozen meats and veggies and fill the mini fridge wisely.
Thanks again for listening! I feel better already.
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
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