I feel like my brain turned back on today! Wow, I feel better. More like I have a bad cold (still coughing, tired) but the lung stuff does seem to be finally resolving. I weighed this morning, 232, so I have a few pounds to get back off over the coming weeks. I'm eating better already and put myself on the exercise bike for 5 minutes this morning. It doesn't sound like much, but when you've been barely moving for a month it is a good start. It felt good to get the blood moving again and I'll take a walk later today (I did get a short walk in yesterday as well).
I was watching Extreme Weight Loss last night (Jason and Rachel) and I was struck by the difference in their mental state and attitude towards the opportunity to have the resources of the show (Chris Powell, trips to work with him and be his focus, and a brand new fancy gym in their garage). The wife had written a letter to be considered for the show and was thrilled when they were chosen. The husband, also very obese, acted like he was happy but once he got there to work with Chris he immediately said things like "this isn't who I am" and "I don't want to do this" and claimed that this was his wife's "thing" but not his. He had no desire to work hard, exercise, and change his eating. Rachel, on the other hand, was all in from day 1, putting in every effort to follow the eating and exercise plan no matter how hard it was.
I thought to myself... oh, how embarrassing. That guy is on the show with all this opportunity and admits he doesn't even want it. He doesn't care and would be fine with staying how things are. How sad he isn't even interested in putting forth the effort to change his life. But I also thought, I totally relate to this guy. I am fat and not in my best health, I know how to change it but I don't really want to. "That's not who I am." I am not a person who pushes beyond comfort, even into pain, to get results. I am not one who feels like working hard for weight loss... who wants to get outside my comfort zone to change my body and my health. Like Jason, I'm too comfortable with the easy path. After all, it's not that bad being fat.
I relate to Rachel, though, too. There was a time I pushed myself and worked hard to lose weight. You can read about it on my blog, especially during the months I biked almost every day, walked often, was very strict in my eating and just did things I didn't really feel like doing to get the results I wanted. And over time, I even enjoyed the exercise and eating plan. I learned to comfort myself from stress with exercise instead of food... getting on my bike and pedaling hard when I was upset rather than eating cake. I embraced the opportunity to change.
I noticed, though, that Chris Powell did not tell Jason to go home because he didn't want to do the work. He just gave him a hard workout and an eating plan and let Jason work through it. And after awhile, Jason started to lose the doubt and embrace the hard work and change. He had times of struggle and wanting to quit, but in the end, he and his wife both reached their weight loss goals and became strong and healthy.
What I got from this: whether you start with a good attitude or not, if you jump in and do the work, eventually you will get a good result.
I have not been terribly motivated to dive into the exercise this time around. I think that's okay, as long as I do the work. I am going to start pushing myself to move more in the exercises I like (biking, walking, swimming, yard work) and in one exercise I don't like at first, but grow to enjoy as I see results (strength training). I am easing into this slowly as I continue to recover from being sick, but I think by April I will be able to really push myself and get results.
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
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