I am really having a hard time getting it back together. Just waiting/trying to eat the way I ate before is not working for me. I wasn't having cravings before... they were basically nonexistent so I *could* eat whatever I wanted, because I didn't want things that strongly or that often. My portions have definitely gone up since I got sick and it has been harder to cut them back down. Before, if I wanted a sandwich, I'd make half of a sandwich and eat 3/4 of it and that was enough. Or if I wanted pasta I could have a few bites and that would be enough. Now when I want a sandwich it's a whole sandwich to feel satisfied, or a bowl of pasta to seem like enough. I think having my blood sugar totally stabilized by the injections I was taking before made it easier to make good choices; even if I ate a piece of candy or a cookie I felt FINE and normal and had no cravings. Now the same piece of candy or cookie makes me have that old familiar spike and crash and then I want more sugar. I think the difficulty is a completely physical one... not a mental/emotional drive to eat like it used to be. And even before I started on the Victoza shots, I was losing weight slowly... but I was also eating gluten free, which naturally limited my choices. Now I am doing neither.
My doctor did tell me I could regulate my own blood sugar with the diet she gave me, which is basically a lot of vegetables (small portions of the starchy ones like sweet potatoes), lean produce, and small grain portions. I know from past experience I do best without the grain portions (I believe if I had never added back grains after Medifast, I'd not have regained the weight). If I choose to have grains or sweets I have to understand that they need to be small amounts... basically tastes or slivers... and not on an empty stomach. The alternative to managing my blood sugar this way is going back on injections that my new insurance will not cover because my tests have never been in the diabetic range. So, I am going to try and manage it with diet. And I mean really do what she asked me to do, instead of trying to moderate a lot of starchy (split pea soup), grainy (dinner rolls or rice), and sweet (cookies and candy) into my life. I'd rather do that than take injections, and definitely don't want to "qualify" for shots by ruining my health. That means some restriction, but I am determined to find a way of eating that does not involve measuring, counting carbs or calories, or feeling deprived.
I also decided to break out the FitBit again and use it as motivation to move. The scale is not going down, and I am not going to let this year go by without significant weight loss. Will update soon!
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
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