Hi all. I am still here coughing up a lung with this cold or whatever I have (I am actually lots better this morning, but still fighting off the remnants of the coughing). I cannot believe the whole week has gone by with me getting so little done and being sick. I feel like I totally wasted the week! I had lists of things to do and all the ambition to do it, yet none of the big stuff got done. The month of February is probably going to be a wash for weight loss. That's too bad; I do want to keep losing even if at a slow pace of 2 pounds a month. If the pounds STAY off, like they have from last year, that is a success to me.
I tend to indulge myself a lot when I am sick. Well... okay... I tend to indulge myself whenever I can! There is something really happy and freeing to me to be UN-restricted in my eating habits and yet have no desire to binge and no sensation of being 'triggered.' That has been the biggest success of my journey, in my opinion. I do think the next step of recovery is to learn to balance the not-dieting, not-restricting, relaxed mindset about food with a joyful, moderate effort to lose weight. Note I said joyful: it is important to me that weight loss efforts don't turn into misery. That has happened so many times in the past. I am not going there again.
Anyway, my weight has been 228-229 the whole time I've been sick so I doubt there will be a loss for February, but who knows? I'll find out when I weigh in for the month on Tuesday.
What I like best about where I am now is this: I do not get that feeling like "I am doing all I can, I am working so hard, I skipped so many foods I liked, and I am STILL not losing weight!" That was always such a frustrating thing about dieting. There were times I was counting calories ad restricting to 1200 or less AND exercising and still did not see any weight loss, or it was very slow. It was like the dieting was consuming my life, and I was not even getting the results I thought I deserved from the effort. So frustrating. Now, I am NOT working hard at it. I am not stressed and not focusing my life around food and diet. When I lose weight that's good and when I don't I just keep going and stay calm about the eating, and (when I am not sick) increase the happy exercise (happy exercise = walking, biking, working in the yard, swimming, being generally active in life. Stuff I enjoy.) I still believe that there will come a time when my body and mind realize that I am not going to starve myself or punish myself with diets for being fat anymore, and this will allow my body to return to a healthy state. I truly believe that if I continue feeding myself good things and not stressing about weight, the weight will *naturally* start falling off... and will stay off. What do you think of this leg of my journey? Do you think it will work?
For today, I am resting as much as possible, drinking lots of fluids, making chicken soup (for the third time this week) and eating lots of fruit. I am starting to feel better and I have a volunteering seminar to attend two mornings this weekend, an afternoon birthday party Saturday and a social event Sunday evening at a friend's house. I don't want to be coughing and sick for those things so hopefully today will be enough to get rid of the last of this cold!
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
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