The last three days have been *crazy* busy. I did not handle the eating situations very well, being pressed for time, being at social engagements and a birthday party, having a lot going on... but I *did* stay within my calorie range goal every day and only went over 100 g carbs on one day. My food choices were definitely not the best, but I did not let that derail me from sticking to my plan, tracking every bite and not going nutso with the eating.
Breakfast: coffee with sugar free caramel creamer, protein shake
Snack: Starbucks matcha in ice water with cream added (like a green tea latte, with less carbs)
Lunch: gluten free vegetable egg roll, Coke Zero, smoked ham, cream cheese, and a dill pickle spear
Snack: sugar free rice pudding
Dinner: beef taco in a hard shell, ice cream
Snack: American cheese slice
Totals: 1281 calories, 131 g carbs, 63 g protein. Exercise: yard work 20 minutes
Breakfast: protein shake
Snack: cherry Greek yogurt
Lunch: This is where it fell apart. I was not home for hours and all I had for "lunch" at the party was potato chips and a spoon of frosting.
Snack: sugar free rice pudding
Dinner: zucchini "noodles" and chicken in a homemade Alfredo sauce, topped with Parmesan cheese. Watermelon.
Snack: raw almonds
Totals: 1160 calories, 96 g carbs, 74 g protein. Exercise: day off.
Breakfast: coffee with sugar free caramel creamer, Rotisserie chicken
Early lunch: Coke Zero, 2 hot dogs (no, they didn't give me a headache) with mustard, sauerkraut, and half a peach.
Late snack/second lunch: bacon, avocado, and strawberries
Afternoon snack: sugar free pudding, iced Americano with half and half
Dinner: gluten free sausage lasagna, shaved Parmesan cheese
Totals so far today: 1286 calories, 62 g carbs, 69 g protein. I may have a sugar free jello or a couple of almonds before bed. I will ride my bike tonight.
Now for the fixing part.
Over the years on my blog, I spent a lot of time digging and rehashing and emotionally dealing with the things that have bothered me and caused me distress in my life. I healed a lot of things, and that enabled me to lose over 100 pounds. After that came some sadness over two issues I could not control nor resolve that were causing me pain. I referenced them vaguely on the blog a few times, saying that I know what's bothering me, but I have no way to fix it. I pretty much pushed those issues down and have tried to ignore them for a long time.
When I decided to give losing weight one last shot, I woke up the next morning from a vivid dream. In the dream, the issue was very clear. I woke up, sat bolt upright in bed, and knew I needed to address it. Now. I can't ignore it anymore. That same week, I bought a plane ticket to fly across the country in a few weeks, to try and heal what is broken. This is something I need to do to be whole again. I'm sorry for being vague... but this is a big deal in my life *and*, I believe, a huge deal in my ability or inability to lose weight and keep it off. I have always eaten to bury pain... even when I don't realize I am doing it. And this buried pain has got to come out and be dealt with one way or another. So next month I am dealing with it. I hope it is healing, but at least it will be resolving.
That's all for now. Hoping for a good weigh-in this weekend!
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
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