This week has been rough. No doubt it's been my worst eating week in months, and although I haven't weighed yet I am pretty sure I'll be up a few pounds when I do.
I guess I have slid back into the mindset of "I'll start tomorrow" and have let junk back into the daily menu in a bigger way. I know it was a reaction to my serious consideration of going back on a liquid diet; ever since that day when I posted about it and pulled out my boxes of protein powder, I guess that bratty part of me that wants to eat everything and not restrict has come out bigger than ever. It's that same old ridiculous feeling of "I'm going to do this (diet, restriction, plan) so I have to eat that (candy, chips, junk) before I start. I will be deprived then, but I don't have to be now." It's that mindset that I lived in for many years before I started blogging, which helped me step right up into the morbidly obese category. I know it's not a healthy mindset, and before this week I've been able to talk myself out of it most days. But this week was full of unhealthy choices.
green tea with milk and sugar
2 pieces of bacon, slice of avocado
smoothie made from kale, spinach, apples, pears, and chia seeds (from a smoothie stand; no sugar added)
a few pieces of peanut brittle
dish of rice pudding
a large sausage link and some cubed watermelon, unsweetened decaf iced tea
a bowl of potato chips with dip and a coke zero
Dinner is gluten free pasta salad and tuna.
Greek yogurt, berries
iced Starbucks matcha latte, no syrup
ham and cheese on gluten free crackers, unsweetened iced tea
bowl of potato chips
2 gluten free cookies
gluten free spaghetti with meatballs and Italian sausage, salad with vinaigrette, and gluten free garlic bread
bowl of blueberry ice cream
I see all the problems and mistakes, I know I do not need sweetened morning tea or a Starbuck's latte. I see the gluten free stuff I am eating and know it is actually displacing healthy, low calorie and low carb vegetables. It used to be I ate my sauce and meat on spaghetti squash, and skipped the garlic bread. Now the gluten free pastas and breads have a place in my meals and I know in my heart those are not a good choice, at least not on a daily basis. In fact, we have a family birthday this week and they made a gluten free cake so I could have some. And I will, even though more and more I am thinking, "this gluten free stuff has to stop." In the past I'd have a bowl of fruit instead of dessert, but lately, not.
I see there is too much sugar, and too many carbs, and too many unhealthy foods. I feel it in my fatigue and lack of stamina when I try to exercise and am exhausted in ten or twenty minutes. At night I think to myself, "tomorrow I will have a protein shake for breakfast and count calories." But then in the morning I am craving my sugary tea and maybe some gluten free English muffins.
It used to be so much easier to "just quit it." But yeah, I have to do that. I just have to make a firm decision and commit to *something*, and stop thinking I'll just starve myself on shakes or go back on some random diet plan.
Monday Babble and Dhammapada
6 hours ago