How I am doing:
I feel okay. Happy most of the time, and relieved that it's finally summer, with less responsibilities and appointments and scheduled time. I love summer! My happiness is tempered by frustration, though. I am frustrated about my weight, even though I am still trying to do something about it. I started counting calories again on Friday and that's going fine. I'm eating far less junk and sugar and more protein, fruits and vegetables, and I feel good about that. But last week I noticed my left knee starting to ache a little. After a three day weekend of being mostly on my feet and busy, last night I had a big flareup of bursitis in my knee. Wow, it was hard to walk this morning. My last bout with bursitis was in 2012 and it took about 6 weeks of medication and staying off it, wearing a compression sleeve, for it to improve. It sucks but it's something the doctor told me I will probably deal with from time to time because of my arthritis, until I go forward with knee replacements. So I'm back in a compression sleeve and on anti-inflammatories, icing it and trying to take it easy for now. As a result, walking for exercise and biking are out. Thankfully I can still swim, so my goal is to get to the pool 3 times a week. I am still able to get around enough to do everything I need to do.. I just do it a little more slowly.
Sometimes I wonder how much my weight has contributed to my body falling apart like this. I mean I know extra weight is bad for the joints. I know my thyroid disease was a huge contributor to my tendons not healing for two years. I wonder if I ever would have ruptured a tendon, or developed such severe arthritis and bone spurring, or had such bad plantar fasciitis if I weighed 100 pounds less. I wonder how much of this pain and injury is directly because of my weight. Sometimes I start to feel guilty, like all of the injuries and pain is my own fault. If I had just never gained the weight, maybe none of this would have happened. But guilt isn't a forward driver for me. Guilt makes me want to stagnate in self-pity and soothe with food... just the opposite of what I need. So I tell myself, there is no telling what would have been. Plenty of thin and normal weight people have joint and tendon issues. It is what it is, and all I can do now is take care of myself and go forward. Maybe when I lose the weight, some of these issues will go away. Maybe not. But I have to just take this a day at a time and keep moving, keep eating properly, and do everything I can to heal all the parts of me that are hurting.
1 day ago