Pondering this at home, the conversation in my head goes
me: hey, maybe she is right. Maybe if I just try harder.
myself: no, dummy, you will hurt yourself!
me: I could probably do it, if I didn't THINK I can't...
myself: do you remember running, two and a half years ago, and hurting your feet? THAT is what caused your plantar fasciitis!
me: yeah, it did, that sucked.
myself: YES it sucked! You were in pain for two years because you did that! Believing didn't help you then!
me: I know, but maybe this would be different. Shouldn't I at least try?
myself: Two years. Don't you forget it. Don't you forget six weeks in a knee brace and another six weeks on crutches. Don't forget the painful therapies, the shots in your feet, the wishing you could go for a walk and not being able. Don't you dare forget how miserable it was to have to sit at home, to use a shower chair, to gain weight from inactivity.
me: You're right. I am not even going to try. It is so not worth it.
A good part of the battle I have with weight and fitness is mental. I argue myself into corners all the time. I convince myself of many things I am not capable of. But how to know when I am right? Is the instructor right? Would believing make it happen?
I am not going to run. I don't want to risk it. This is a fear-based decision: I cannot deal with daily pain and difficulty with mobility and feeling trapped like I did before. I want freedom, but can I be free if I don't take risks? Or are the risks in this case foolish?
Just thinking out loud. Because I don't want to be foolish, but I also don't want to be the person who wouldn't even try.