It's that time of year again and I've been helping my daughter sell Girl Scout cookies with her troop. We've really enjoyed Girl Scouts, but when I was given those forms with the pretty, colorful photos of all of the kinds of cookies to sell, I was not too thrilled. What? You are asking a women who has a history of extreme binge eating (and a sugar/carb/sweets addiction) to look at, talk about, and sell these cookies, have cases of them in her home, and handle the boxes on a daily basis? Well, actually, that's how I imagine that I could have reacted when they handed me the forms. Instead, I thought, "Sure, no problem" and spent the last couple of weeks doing our Scoutly duty.
Yesterday, when I walked into the house after helping my daughter deliver dozens of boxes of cookies, I stopped and really thought about it for the first time. I looked at the cases of cookies in the entryway. I thought about the boxes of cookies other family members had ordered and were eating. I looked at the sales form and the pictures and I thought, wow. Isn't it ironic. So many years I would drive to Walmart to buy boxes of Girl Scout cookies and take them home and eat them all. So many times I would have only *dreamed* of being in a position to "support our troop" by ordering as many boxes of cookies as I could... having access to chewy, caramelly Samoas and crunchy Thin Mints and all the other yummy types there are. I could easily eat a box in one sitting. The sugar could send me to my old happy place, you know? And now, being gluten free, I have my dream come true (cookie mom) and I didn't order a single box. Heck, having sworn off junk, I couldn't even buy a few boxes of the new gluten free varieties to indulge in. Nope, no cookies, not for me. I am spending a lot of time with cookies but none of them are ending up in my mouth. Sometimes I just look at them and think "wow. I cannot believe I am not binge eating myself into oblivion on Girl Scout cookies, given this opportunity." I'm thankful that at least for now, I am food sober.
I didn't track calories today. I could say I was too busy (well, I *was* busy) but it would have only taken me a few minutes so I will just say I didn't feel like it. Food so far today:
Big juicy pork chop cooked in avocado oil with onions, baked white sweet potato with grass fed ghee, Brussels sprouts.
Starbucks grande iced green tea latte, 1%, no syrup
half a banana
homemade iced green tea with honey and lemon juice
2 squares of very dark chocolate
I think dinner will be chicken thighs and vegetables, maybe with some baked acorn squash.
Too much milk and cheese the last couple of days, and not even grass fed. I feel okay on it but crave it. I had uncured ham slices wrapped around string cheese several times this week.
I did track calories yesterday (1728) and the day before (1253). I also GPSed my walks and I have walked 2.5 miles (exercise walks) so far this week. Not a lot, but it'll get better over time.
*I turned off Anonymous comments for this post because I am not really interested in all the comments telling me it is evil to sell cookies because they are ruining people's health. I think people can make their own choices about that, whether they buy them from us for just get Oreos at the grocery store. As long as we are involved in Girl Scouts, we'll participate in fund raising for our troop.
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
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