Happy New Year! I decided to take a full and honest inventory of the state of my body on this day at this time, so that over the course of 2015 I can make comparative assessments of any progress or relapse. I think it is *essential* for my success that I record-keep and stay self-aware of how I am changing (or not) over time. Because time does fly... and I don't want to be at the end of yet another year feeling like I made no progress with my health. I intend to write these assessments of myself quarterly during 2015, with a final comparison assessment one year from now. I'll also commit to getting on the scale *at least* weekly regardless of what is going on with my eating (please feel free to remind me if I do not post a weight every week!)
Here is the state of my body as of today.
Weight: 245 pounds
Clothing sizes: I currently own two pairs of jeans that fit me. I use the word "fit" loosely because although it is possible to button these jeans when standing, it is super uncomfortable and tight and cuts into my guts. In general, I wear them unbuttoned and zipped down about an inch, and I wear a long sweater over my shirt so it hangs down and covers the fact that my pants are not buttoned. I literally cannot eat with them buttoned. The older pair is Lee Relaxed Fit Women's size 16 and I have worn holes in the thighs several times but sewn them closed. When I decided I was going to need more jeans, I went online and ordered 2 more pairs of the same jeans in this size (a few months ago, when they fit perfectly). When they arrived I realized mine had stretched out A LOT because the new ones did not even come close to buttoning, and when I held them up to the old ones they had a much smaller (less stretched out) waistband. The other pair I am wearing is Angels brand misses size 20. They fit the same as the older pair (uncomfortable to button). In tops I am wearing XXL Merona tees from Target, because I want them loose enough to hang away from my body and not accentuate the bulges. In pajamas (stretchy) I wear an XL.
Appearance: I feel I look bloated and large. My ankles are swollen and I have an extra chin again. My thighs look very large to me as does my belly (which is my largest body part, measuring 54" around). I think I look better when standing up because I have a defined waist, but when I sit on my bed and look in the full length mirror I look like a giant blob. You can see my most recent photos here: 68 Pounds Regained.
Health: I am currently on five prescription medications, including two for blood pressure. I am still getting a lot of 140/90 range readings but the doctor says that is "fine." I am not really comfortable with it. If I am late on a dose or get stressed, it goes up to 160's over high 90's (and then I take an extra half dose per my doctor). I get headaches about 4 days a week... often I wake up with them. I have acid reflux at night so I try not to eat anything after about 8pm, but then I still wake in the night with heartburn, sleep on 2 pillows, and take Tums every night. My sleep is poor as I wake every 2 to 3 hours. My face is once again red in the cheeks most of the time. While the plantar fasciitis is gone, my feet do get very sore by the end of the day. My arthritis is still there but is more painful than it was earlier this year. My hands ache as well as my knees.
Exercise: not much. I try to take a walk here and there (a mile) but have been highly unmotivated. It doesn't help that it has been super cold and my coat no longer is big enough to zip shut, so I have been freezing whenever I go out. I spent a month or so looking for a cheap coat at 2 different Goodwills and some discount stores and finally this week I got myself a warm coat for $30. By the way, it is a size 2XL and fits over multiple layers. Aside from the occasional walking, I have been to the gym maybe 3 times in the last 2 months. I have not been biking regularly this month.
Eating: I am not gluten free or sugar free or anything else free (aside from caffeine). I usually drink my coffee black but not always. I have not been counting or measuring, just trying to be moderate. I do not eat enough vegetables, fruit, or protein and too much of my intake is processed. I had cheese and crackers for breakfast yesterday morning. I do not binge, but I eat an extra portion of dinner often and I snack a lot.
General well being: my stamina is low. I get tired and worn out easily. I have very low energy. Moving is difficult; turning over in bed is a lot harder than I remember it being. I cannot cross my legs and it is a stretch to put my socks on. Getting up off the floor is awkward and requires a lot of effort. Doing housework and yardwork is something I have to do in increments because I get tired so fast. I find myself off balance often. But my mood is improving and I am starting to get back that base, underlying peace and happiness I was missing.
This week I am tracking exercise and weight. I am going back off gluten cold turkey and reducing my sugar intake by a LOT... meaning, no more cookies, candy, or other processed sugary stuff OR homemade sugary stuff. It is hard for me to "get off" sugar once I am used to eating it daily, but it is the one dietary change that has consistently brought me big, positive changes. I don't generally have any problem at all with a couple of fruit servings per day and a teaspoon of honey here and there in tea or on grapefruit. So that's my goal for this week: get off the sugar and gluten and regularly weigh and exercise. I hope we'll all make positive, healthy changes this year and end the year better off than we are now!
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
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