Ever since I got sick in September, it feels like I've been in a slide down a long, muddy hillside as I went deeper and deeper into depressed feelings and even felt less and less like fighting it. Over the months I gradually stopped even trying to claw my way back up the slope in the rain; when I did, it felt like my fingers were just getting filled with handfuls of mud as the slide down continued. Somewhere in there I think I hit the bottom of the ditch and just sat there for awhile. And now I kind of feel like the sun came out and is drying up the mud and I'm ready to stand up and climb back out. Seasonal Affective Disorder? Yes, for sure, but I am treating it and I always start to feel better by February. But I'm not going to sit in this ditch until February so I am setting some modest goals for myself for the new year.
Over the last three years, I have gained weight each year... anywhere between 12 and 17 pounds per year. It looks like 2014 won't end any differently; weighing 245 pounds now means I put on 15 pounds this year as well. I made a new page showing "Weight By Year" which I am posting shortly (and if my weight on January 1 is higher or lower, I will adjust that number on the page). I did this because my "Weight By Month" page is getting really long and I now have enough years blogging to also post a yearly weight summary on a separate page. I would very much like to see a loss of pounds in 2015, breaking the regain trend that's been happening since 2012.
My goals revolve around what I perceive as my problems, or issues. I see them as things I want to fix, or change. I am sure over the coming months, my approach will change as needed. Maybe I will resolve some of these problems and add something new to work on. Yes, a lot of these goals are things I have worked on before. Some were improved for a time and then backslid. Others I planned to do something about but never did, Still others were partially worked on and then faded into the background while still needing work. So here are my goals, in no particular order.
1. Loss of muscle, strength, and ability to move easily.
2. Gain of fat.
3. Lack of nutrition; too much junk food.
4. Medical issues including thyroid/autoimmune disease.
5. Feeling inadequate and unable to complete my goals and tasks.
1. Move. Walk, swim, bike and work. Strength train.
2. Reduce calories eaten and burn more calories.
3. Include more produce and protein; remove most, if not all, junk food.
4. Continue prescribed treatments and ask about anything more I can do.
5. Discuss with counselor; work towards goals and completing tasks even if I am hesitant.
In implementing my solutions towards my goals, I am going to get started even if I don't have all the details. For example, I have always wanted to re-start AIP (which my doctor recommended) but am not sure if that type of restriction works against the 'normalizing food' that my counselor has me working on. Before I dive back in to AIP or anything else super restrictive, I will discuss it with her and see what she thinks is the best way to handle it. In the meantime, I am trying to do as she suggested in lowering my emotional response and connection to foods. (For example, the baking I did for Christmas. Normalizing food does not necessarily mean EATING it. Normalizing focuses on a person having an unemotional, not-over-reactive, 'normal' response to various foods so that they are no longer triggering. Exposure to these foods (even without eating them) gradually lowers anxiety about them. Restricting can cause over-sensitivity about foods and be a trigger in itself, and that is what I am trying to avoid.)
That's my set of goals for the coming year, and if my work on these problems results in increased strength, fat loss, better health and more contentment in 2015, I will count that a very successful year. I feel optimistic and excited! I hope we all have a happy healthy new year!
I am 38 years old, female, a degree-holding stay-at-home-mom, and I weigh 278 pounds. I have been obese for ten years now. Time to get out of this fat prison I have made for myself.
--This is the original introduction I wrote when I first started this blog in 2007. I leave it as a reminder to myself of where I came from. Currently, I am 46 years old and weigh significantly less...see the blog for details. I lost 103 pounds, then had a partial regain, and am once again working at weight loss and better health.
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