Today feels like a new day to me. Of course, every day is literally new... but as the dark has lifted slowly and gradually, each day is a bit better. And today I feel an inner happiness and peace I have not had in awhile. It's a different kind of happy than the kind that is induced by joyful events; even at my lowest, I've felt happy when I spend time with family, or open presents at Christmas, or see a pretty sunset. What I am talking about is that underlayer of happiness that remains when all the laughing and parties and fun stuff is over. You know... kind of a "base" emotion, a way you ARE when no one else is around, when you are just lying in bed at night about to go to sleep or standing in the kitchen washing dishes. I guess I have felt kind of numb for awhile now, as my base emotion when I am alone. Over the last few weeks I have noticed that dissipating bit by bit, but the past two weeks the difference has been truly noticeable! I am starting to feel like my old self again, and that is a wonderful feeling! I actually *want* to go outside and walk, to go swimming, to eat some things that are good for me. I am getting back the real motivation to take good care of myself and make changes for the sake of my health and lasting happiness. It's a very good feeling.
This afternoon I'm making a recipe I used to make often after Easter or Christmas (when we usually have leftover ham): Ham Bone Soup. It's full of beans and vegetables and smells so good simmering for hours on the stove! I have to say I enjoyed chopping the onions, celery, carrots and garlic just as much as I liked making all the Christmas goodies earlier this month. I just like to cook, and I like to feed people and see them nourishing themselves with what I made. It's been a part of me for so long.
I have been thinking once again about things like whole foods vs carb counts. I know I can lose weight eating bean soup, because I did it before: lost the first 50+ pounds eating whole grain crackers, hummus, oatmeal, and the like, along with plenty of protein and produce. So I often think I should do it again, just the same way: count calories and exercise. But I also know my body is not the same as it was back then, and I did stall out eating that way before. I think the advice I have gotten about keeping my carb count to 100 grams/day for weight loss is solid, but I'm not sure what that means long term. No bean soup again, ever? I dunno, I am not sure where beans and starches are going to fit into my plan. But I know I *feel* like eating well and exercising. So that's a good start. So that's what I'm doing!
I hope you enjoy the last bit of the old year, and that we all have a blessed, happy, and healthy 2015!
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