Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Eating Then and Now, and Motivation

This might sound funny, but the last few days I have felt more "interested" in losing weight again. Yeah, that sounds pretty crazy coming from a weight loss blogger. But you've probably noticed my real apathy the last few months for actual weight loss. I've been ambivalent about it. Sure, I've wanted to be thinner and wished I wasn't so fat. But even when I felt motivated to make some changes, they've been more about health, thyroid function, and feeling better than about seeing a lower weight on the scale. I dunno why that is. Maybe part of me is just so used to being obese that I can settle into a comfort zone with it and, despite my wishing to be thinner, there is some acceptance of the fat me. I guess that is partly because I have been over 200 pounds for most of the past two decades, partly because it is easier to not think about the weight, and partly because I've always felt like rejecting my obesity is like rejecting my obese mother. Weird, I know. Not logical... emotional. Anyway, since I got sick this fall and fell into a mire of seasonal depression, I've not had the energy or even the desire, most of the time, to focus on my weight. I've had moments... you know the kind where you have a burst of "I am going to do this" but they've not lasted very long, and thus I'm in this state of almost-morbid-obesity again and I have a choice: keep gaining or start losing. Because I know this is not a weight I am going to stagnate at for long... it'll either drive me to eat more (because why not? I'm already super fat) or make some changes to lose again (because this is a miserable way to feel).

As I said yesterday I know it is not *just* about the weight... it is about the lack of fitness. I started to wonder if it was also a nutrition thing. After all, I have been eating some processed foods for snacks or lunches sometimes. I tried to remember what I was eating back then (in 2008, at the time I posted about the other day when I remembered being energized and happy). My blog back then indicated I had some days where I was binge eating Easter candy, fast food and brownies but other days when I was focused on produce and heathy eating. But the cool thing about using a program like Sparkpeople is it saves your data... forever. (Or at least for many years!) I was able to go back and look at exactly what I was eating back then when I was feeling so amazing. I picked out a couple of random days right around the time I wrote the "I love to mop, I feel great" post. Here they are:

Breakfast: Chai tea with 1/2 c 2% milk and 2 tsp sugar. 1 Kashi waffle topped with 1 tsp grape jam and 1/2 Tbsp Jif peanut butter.
Lunch: Sandwich on white bread with 2 slices of salami, 2 oz turkey, 1 oz cheese, 1 lettuce leaf, and 1 tbsp reduced fat mayo with a serving of cheddar goldfish crackers.
Dinner: ½ c peas, 2 meatballs and ½ c gravy mixed with 5 Tbsp sour cream over a cup of egg noodles.
Snacks: 1 Dove dark chocolate, ½ Weight Watchers chocolate chip muffin, 1 packet of Snackwells zesty cheese crackers
1493 cal, 187 carb, 50 fat, 80 pro, 20 fiber

Breakfast: Chai tea with ½ c skim milk and 2 tsp sugar. Yoplait light key lime yogurt
Lunch: 1.5 White Castle cheeseburgers, egg salad made from 1 boiled egg, 1 egg white and 2 Tbsp light mayo. 1.25 cups asparagus and 2 slices of ham.
Dinner: 6 inch subway turkey sub with light mayo, lettuce and black olives and a bag of Sun Chips
Snacks: Starbucks grande vanilla latte, Kashi protein bar, 3 sugar free Reeces mini peanut butter cups, and Chai tea made with 1/3 c 2% milk and 2 tsp sugar
1503 cal, 184 carbs, 49g fat, 88g pro, 16 fiber

Breakfast: 1 c 2% milk with 3 Tbsp Ovaltine, 2 Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls with icing, 1 whipped yogurt cup
Lunch: 2 slices Domino’s pepperoni pizza, 1 oz potato chips, 2 Tbsp sour cream dip
Dinner: 2.5 c Campbell’s Italian Wedding Soup, 1 serving cheddar crackers
Snacks: 2 – 100 calorie packs of Pringles, 1 Yoplait vanilla yogurt, 1 English muffin with 1 Tbsp light butter, 1/2 c dry oatmeal (cooked) with 1 Tbsp Jif peanut butter, 1 Tbsp honey, and 2 tsp brown sugar
2002 cal, 292 g carbs, 78 g fat, 62 g protein, 12 g fiber

There are also menus including more vegetables, but most of them looked like these. Some days there are things listed like Sonic chicken sandwiches, Coke, frozen pizzas and Wendy's bacon cheeseburgers. One day after logging breakfast and lunch, there is an entry of "extra food - 900 calories." I wasn't perfect. I was eating way more processed/junky food than I remembered, but I felt so great, and I was losing weight. I am not sure what has changed since then but I suspect I would not lose weight if I ate like that now. It seems like as time went by it mattered more *what* I eat as well as the quantities. I am eating a lot healthier now, with AIP breakfasts and dinners. Here's what I ate a couple days ago:

Breakfast: decaf tea with 2 Tbsp coconut milk and 2 tsp honey, 2 slices pastured bacon, 1/4 of an avocado, 1 Clementine.
Lunch: 1 c ham and bean soup, 1 serving Nut Thins crackers, 2 Tbsp hummus, 1/2 c cooked kale
Dinner: 4 oz baked wild salmon, 1 c roasted butternut squash, 1 c Romaine lettuce with 1 Tbsp light Balsamic dressing.
Snacks: 1 c strawberries, 2 chocolate covered macadamia nuts, 1 Medifast hot cocoa, 1 serving Simply Cheetos.
1504 calories, 146 g carbs, 62 g fat, 43 g protein, 34 g fiber

I know that over the last few weeks my calories had to be higher than this, because I was eating more processed foods and grains each day. I would guess I was eating up to 1800 calories a day with very little exercise. 

Anyway I just thought it was interesting that I felt so much better back then even though I was eating a lot of "junk." Makes me wonder how much of how I feel is nutrition vs exercise vs mindset.

I am, as I said, feeling more interested and motivated to lose weight... to at least get 20 pounds off because I did feel a lot better at 215-220 than I do now. I've biked 12 minutes twice this week and will gradually increase the time as my body tolerates it.


Anonymous said...

It worked before so I say you should buy and measure and eat all the same menus you did then since you have them. It looks satisfying to me. Or go back on Medifast since that worked. Do what you know works.

Anonymous said...

Your world has changed since "back then" so I wouldn't expect what you could do 6 years ago to work now.

Hashimoto's has arrived, your body has also registered the nutritional abuse it has received so will tolerate less of it now, and you're older. Those six years put you into a whole new life-stage.

That said, I think it stinks that you really are eating so much healthier now than you were back then, but not seeing the weight loss results. :{

At 62 years ole, I've been there and can say: "Not fair!"

And so it goes.


Lissa said...

I think it ate my first comment:

The years do matter. I gave birth to my second son eight months ago. I run three times a week, twice as far as I did after Son #1. I'm still 7 lbs heavier than I was eight months after I had my first.

faithandmeow said...

I think it goes to show that weight doesn't determine how healthy you are - that's such a myth. I'm a firm believer that if you take care of your health - eat good food that is as unprocessed and as varied as possible, and stop starving yourself, your body will find the weight it's meant to be and be a heck of a lot healthier. It's constant starvation and the resulting binge cycle, plus all the chemical frankenfoods, that makes you sick and fat.
I challenge you to start seeking and reading the actual science - from peer reviewed journals. Use Google Scholar instead of Google for a start. Many of the places you are getting your information and your diet advice from have a vested interest - if you get thin and stay thin, they lose your business and your money. They profit if their advice fails you. And of course, you are conditioned to see it as YOUR fault but it's not. Time to find out the truth and kick those diet-parasites to the curb and medicate your body with real food full of vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. All the best.

DZ said...

DearDear Lyn, first time to post here. I'm really looking forward to hear you start exercising again. Though I never had a weight issue, for all my life I was ever sedentary and the opposite of athletic. Late last year I joined a class 3xweek (bodyweight fitness) and soon after I began to research more on healthy eating which led me to your amazing website. I am proud of myself and marvel at the sustained results both physical and mental (positive n glowing)! I'm sure you will soon find a routine that will get you sweating and at the same time accommodate your weak body points (mine are the knees and by now I'm trained to know how to adjust my routine accordingly). Much much love and cheering for you always, DZ from Malaysia

Anonymous said...

Hi Lyn - when time passing affects your ability to lose weight, what I've read says that's evidence of metabolic damage and/or insulin resistance. It results from years insulin cycling, and the body over time becoming resistant to insulin. This happened to me, too, but good news - it CAN be reversed!
If it is in fact insulin resistance, then reducing/removing the foods that spike insulin (eg cookies, gluten-free or not) help heal that. Removing insulin spikes, being consistent with it, and the passage of time combined all do genuinely heal insulin resistance. OF course you can research your own methods or get guidance from your own professionals on this.
Also, I can't help but notice that your protein intake appears to have gone way down. 40 g/day is way too low for your weight. MINIMUM protein recommendations are 0.36 g/lb of body weight, so for you, that's at least 86 g/day, and that's if you're sedentary - you need more if you're active. My nutritionist recommended to me a minimum of 0.5 g/day per lb of body weight, but also was supportive and positive that I eat a little more than this (120 g/day for 200 lbs body weight, BUT I work out a fair amount). Note that this is NOT a high protein diet! Far from it! You'd have to eat a good bit more than 1 g protein/lb of body weight/day to be into high protein territory. You are just on an extremely LOW (inadequate) protein diet right now, if your sample day (40 g protein) is typical. Insufficient protein might also be (part of) the reason for your low energy.
I hope this helps. Take care and we are all cheering you on!

Ruth Hanna Strong said...

I'm so glad you are feeling better. I've also done some historical excavating to find things that worked before. They may or may not work the same way now. Anything that motivates positive behaviors may yield even the tiniest change in trajectory, which changes the destination.

Thanks for sharing your journey.

Maria-McNeil said...

Wow - that is a HUGE change, you should celebrate how much good you're doing your body.
I used to lose weight eating fast food and DQ - lol I remember those days...I guess as we age, we have to adjust our food intake too, such is life.
Good job on the 12 minutes on the bike - you GO GIRL! :)