Wow. I really went off the rails with my eating today. I have not eaten this much 'junk' in a very long time. I think having a taste of some grains and sugar on my trip sent my appetite into overdrive. I was super hungry and craving all kinds of things today. I held it together until about 2:30 in the afternoon; lunch was a plate of steamed fresh butternut squash topped with smoked cheddar. But that was not what I really wanted for lunch. On the way to physical therapy I wanted to stop and get some donuts, but I didn't. On the way home, I was very tempted to stop somewhere for a cheese steak sandwich and chips, but I didn't, I made myself come home and cook that squash and I *did* enjoy it... but it wasn't what my brain was screaming for. Sugar. Fat. Salt. Wheat.
I didn't have much in the way of junk in the house, but I managed to stop at a convenience store when I went out to run errands. I got myself an ice cream bar and some Doritos. Ate the ice cream bar, went home and had one bowl of Doritos and handed the rest off to the boys for their lunches. Had a diet caffeine free Coke, too... though I had sworn off sodas for the most part a long time ago. In the evening, I was out again picking up my daughter from her class and I stopped and bought a little bag of caramel corn. I don't even really like caramel corn... I just was looking for the sugar spike, I think. Then I got pizza for dinner and ate 2 slices. My 'dessert' was 2 bites of a chocolate macadamia nut bar I'd bought while I was out, but it made me feel so ill that I threw the rest in the trash. When I was finished I was absolutely STUFFED in a very uncomfortable way. It has been 3 hours since I ate and I STILL feel full and icky.
I don't like the feeling. It's that old addict feeling where you have to have it and once you've got it you try to go to some other place with your food... but it is never enough, you never get the real high you want from it because instead you get a stomach ache and a headache and feel crappy.
Guess I need to detox. But really all that means is I need to not eat anymore of that crap, and that tomorrow needs to be a real foods, junk-free day... just like the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that.
In other news, I did have a great physical therapy session this morning, walked 20 minutes in the pool, got ultrasound therapy and massage, and my foot pain is down to about a 6 out of 10 at the most, almost all the time now. I still walk pretty slowly but rarely hobble anymore, and I am able to get a lot more done in the mornings. My pain is worst at night so I sit with the splints on like the doctor recommended. I think the new therapy, the splints, the new stretches and the new medication is helping. I'm able to do more of the things that bring me joy. But I also know it is up to me to stop the junk-eating and stay focused on the weight loss, too. I do not want to get stuck in a sugar fog again.
Monday Babble and Dhammapada
2 hours ago