Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Off the Rails

Wow. I really went off the rails with my eating today. I have not eaten this much 'junk'  in a very long time. I think having a taste of some grains and sugar on my trip sent my appetite into overdrive. I was super hungry and craving all kinds of things today. I held it together until about 2:30 in the afternoon; lunch was a plate of steamed fresh butternut squash topped with smoked cheddar. But that was not what I really wanted for lunch. On the way to physical therapy I wanted to stop and get some donuts, but I didn't. On the way home, I was very tempted to stop somewhere for a cheese steak sandwich and chips, but I didn't, I made myself come home and cook that squash and I *did* enjoy it... but it wasn't what my brain was screaming for. Sugar. Fat. Salt. Wheat.

I didn't have much in the way of junk in the house, but I managed to stop at a convenience store when I went out to run errands. I got myself an ice cream bar and some Doritos. Ate the ice cream bar, went home and had one bowl of Doritos and handed the rest off to the boys for their lunches. Had a diet caffeine free Coke, too... though I had sworn off sodas for the most part a long time ago. In the evening, I was out again picking up my daughter from her class and I stopped and bought a little bag of caramel corn. I don't even really like caramel corn... I just was looking for the sugar spike, I think. Then I got pizza for dinner and ate 2 slices. My 'dessert' was 2 bites of a chocolate macadamia nut bar I'd bought while I was out, but it made me feel so ill that I threw the rest in the trash. When I was finished I was absolutely STUFFED in a very uncomfortable way. It has been 3 hours since I ate and I STILL feel full and icky.

I don't like the feeling. It's that old addict feeling where you have to have it and once you've got it you try to go to some other place with your food... but it is never enough, you never get the real high you want from it because instead you get a stomach ache and a headache and feel crappy.

Guess I need to detox. But really all that means is I need to not eat anymore of that crap, and that tomorrow needs to be a real foods, junk-free day... just like the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that.

In other news, I did have a great physical therapy session this morning, walked 20 minutes in the pool, got ultrasound therapy and massage, and my foot pain is down to about a 6 out of 10 at the most, almost all the time now. I still walk pretty slowly but rarely hobble anymore, and I am able to get a lot more done in the mornings. My pain is worst at night so I sit with the splints on like the doctor recommended. I think the new therapy, the splints, the new stretches and the new medication is helping. I'm able to do more of the things that bring me joy. But I also know it is up to me to stop the junk-eating and stay focused on the weight loss, too. I do not want to get stuck in a sugar fog again.


Susan said...

You are gone. Done stress over giving yourself permission to eat a little off plan. You had bites....of this and that. You are not an addict. The food is chemically designed to create a desirable texture and taste. It's the food not you.
Tell one fat or skinny person who has not ever done this!
New day...
Happy your feet are feeling better.

LuckyMama said...

Being stuck in a sugar fog certainly does suck, but overall you seem to be on a big upswing! Yesterday was but one bad 'food' day out of many, many good food days.


Lori said...

Stuff like that happens to all of us sometimes. It makes no sense. If we could figure out why and bottle it we could be rich!

Be kind to yourself. Don't beat up yourself over it. Just get right back with the plan.

katy m said...


Serious question. How is it that you're able to go on vacation and walk around the convenience store when literally a few weeks ago you said you couldn't even make the walk from the parking lot of the gym into the pool area because of your PF? I'm not asking this to be mean, I'm genuinely curious.

Lyn said...


as I said in this post, and a few other recent posts, I have been seeing a new PT, am on a new medication, and have a new stretching/splinting routine that the orthopedic surgeon recommended. My pain is down to about a 6/10 most days but is lower than that in the mornings now. I am very thankful!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes we have to just dig extra deep for the discipline to avoid what we know isn't good. A little bit of sugar and grain might send your appetite into overdrive, but you (we all do, really) need to remind yourself it's your brain thinking you want that stuff.

You don't HAVE to do what it says. I go through this with my anti-depressants. I 'feel' hungry and want to binge on anything with sugar and starch. It takes a LOT of practice to not act impulsively. I have to keep reminding myself "That's only a side effect. It's only a side effect."

I know it's not meds for you, but it's the same -thoughts-feelings-actions- set up. Thoughts and feelings say "eat eat eat" but you don't have to act based on what they say.

Vickie said...

Do you cycle thru this each time you are away from home? Is the desire to go on trips tied into this away from home food thing do you think? You are smart to get yourself back on track, 100% immediately and not let it drag on for days.

Good post you might be interested in reading -


Lyn said...


no, most of the time I bring a cooler and even when I was on Medifast I just brought my shakes and packets and did okay. I just need to get back to that again, because I have some more weekend trips planned for spring and hope to take a couple weeks to go to the beach and then back east sometime this summer.

Vickie said...

I would make yourself a packing list and detailed notes NOW so you protect yourself on next trip. And I swore I have written these same comments in the past, which I why I thought it was a continuing cycle. Maybe it is just one time I remember. But you might want to go back thru archives and see. It will help you make your list/notes, because if you did as well as you remember, you will get ideas.

Karen said...

Ditto Vickie's post. Wheat and sugar ARE addicting to me. They kept me stuck for 40 years in a very un-well cycle until abstaining helped gain clear thinking and deal with emotional/binge eating. Now 2+ years grain and almost processed sugar free. Very, very few binge urges. One or two lapses.

My cells, my mitochondria don't know I'm traveling so I don't open the door to my slippery slope mind. In turn, I get assured 99.999% food sobriety. It's worth the cooler, staying on food template, weight maintenance, no achy joints, no migraines. Best of all, no hot flashes.

Good luck and onward. Keep reading, I second Marion's post, also. Plans and back up plans helped me deal with travel and emotional food urges. Keep going. Karen P.