Monday, December 2, 2013

How I Am

My eating has been a hodgepodge of fruits, vegetables, proteins, and Medifast meals. I don't exactly have a plan, or care to have one, but I am trying hard... well, as hard as I can right now... not to overeat in any fashion. I figure I don't want to gain any weight while I am *not working* on a diet. I eat when I get hungry, and I find it a lot easier to turn away from junk, because junk doesn't seem as important as it used to. I do not, however, find it easier to stay active. It still hurts a lot to walk. I have to really force myself to get on the bike and have missed a few days this week. My left foot... the uninjured one... has become the more painful and inflamed one, and I am still not able to walk any faster than your random elderly woman with a walker. Occasionally it'll feel a little better and I forget and walk a little closer to a normal pace, and then I get sore again. Physical therapy helped for a few weeks, but I think tomorrow's going to be the last one for awhile. The copays really add up (twice a week) and I have not seen any benefit or improvement from going lately. I'll keep doing the stretches and exercises at home, but all I can do is stay off it for the most part and wait for it to heal.

I had sick kids this weekend. Some kind of stomach bug was going around at my son's work, so he came down with it first and then passed it along to his sister. Thankfully I have not gotten sick and hopefully tomorrow my daughter will be back at school.

Emotionally I think I am between the 'depression' and 'acceptance' stages of grief. There is something terribly sad about this phase where the intense pain and aching and weeping settles into an empty, quiet awareness that yes, this person is truly gone and there is a massive literal SPACE left in their absence. It is sad when you see everyone going on about their lives. But it's what we have to do. It's not that we are forgetting him, but that we are trying to honor him by living. At least, that's what I am trying to ease into, and accept.

Well, I think I will go warm up my red pepper soup for dinner. I really appreciate the support you guys have given me. Thank you.


11 comments:

Vickie said...

Pilates, free weight work, and I wonder about the very old bicycle move (on back, hands holding up butt, legs bicycling up in air). There is a lot you can do with no weight on feet.

MargieAnne said...

Good to hear from you.

Sounds as though you are doing pretty good all things considered. Sick kids ... hope they are better by now and you get a break :)

Blessings

Deniz said...

What a lovely way to put it "It's not that we are forgetting him, but that we are trying to honor him by living."

This is such an appropriate thought for me right now as I approach a first Christmas without my beloved Mum and now having lost a friend (too young).

Thank you Lyn. As ever, you inspire.

LHA said...

You have a lot on both your emotional and physical plate right now and I think your attitude and actions are admirable. One day at a time might be too much to handle....one hour at a time might be more like it. The way you are eating sounds sensible to me. I don't think you can ever go wrong by eating when hungry and avoiding junk food. When you are feeling better, and you WILL feel better at some point, there will be time for you to make another plan of some type. I wish you the best in this very difficult time.

Jeanette said...

Grief is an awful, painful thing. My least favorite part about it is that the only cure is time. I'm glad you have your kids- they are alive and around you and can be a source of light!

Lori said...

Lyn,
Maybe, maybe there is some slight improvement. I hope so.

I'm sorry about the sick kiddos. That is no fun for anyone.
Lori

Steelers6 said...

A big hug to you my friend.

~r. said...

thanks for the update. :) im rooting for you.

Jami Stakley said...

Lyn it sounds like you are doing a little better. I am so glad, I have been very worried about you. Thanks for letting us know how you are. Take care.

Michelle Himes said...

Is there any way that you can get to a pool? I exercise at the YMCA pool by straddling a noodle (kind of riding it like a horse) and paddling around with my hands and bicycling with me foot. No pressure on joints or feet. And I feel pleasantly tired and relaxed afterward.

Lyn said...

Michelle, that hasn't worked out for me this winter. We don't have a YMCA with a pool here, so I'd need to join a gym and the one near me is way out of my budget right now. Will swim again in summer, though, when the outdoor public pools open.