My eating has been a hodgepodge of fruits, vegetables, proteins, and Medifast meals. I don't exactly have a plan, or care to have one, but I am trying hard... well, as hard as I can right now... not to overeat in any fashion. I figure I don't want to gain any weight while I am *not working* on a diet. I eat when I get hungry, and I find it a lot easier to turn away from junk, because junk doesn't seem as important as it used to. I do not, however, find it easier to stay active. It still hurts a lot to walk. I have to really force myself to get on the bike and have missed a few days this week. My left foot... the uninjured one... has become the more painful and inflamed one, and I am still not able to walk any faster than your random elderly woman with a walker. Occasionally it'll feel a little better and I forget and walk a little closer to a normal pace, and then I get sore again. Physical therapy helped for a few weeks, but I think tomorrow's going to be the last one for awhile. The copays really add up (twice a week) and I have not seen any benefit or improvement from going lately. I'll keep doing the stretches and exercises at home, but all I can do is stay off it for the most part and wait for it to heal.
I had sick kids this weekend. Some kind of stomach bug was going around at my son's work, so he came down with it first and then passed it along to his sister. Thankfully I have not gotten sick and hopefully tomorrow my daughter will be back at school.
Emotionally I think I am between the 'depression' and 'acceptance' stages of grief. There is something terribly sad about this phase where the intense pain and aching and weeping settles into an empty, quiet awareness that yes, this person is truly gone and there is a massive literal SPACE left in their absence. It is sad when you see everyone going on about their lives. But it's what we have to do. It's not that we are forgetting him, but that we are trying to honor him by living. At least, that's what I am trying to ease into, and accept.
Well, I think I will go warm up my red pepper soup for dinner. I really appreciate the support you guys have given me. Thank you.
A Message to Open my Eyes
6 hours ago