I am feeling a little better today. Not my foot, but my spirits. I have plenty of "down time" now that I can't walk, and that means I have time to plan, think, and read. Yesterday I dug out my copies of my favorite workout books: The New Rules of Lifting for Women, Weight Training For Dummies, and Anatomy for Strength and Fitness Training. I've been looking through for exercises I can do while seated or on the floor and putting together a workout for myself. I will give it a shot today and see if I need to add or take away any exercises. I have some PT exercises I can do on the floor as well.
Food so far today has been:
steel cut oats with pumpkin, cinnamon, walnuts, maple syrup, and pastured cream
large bowl of kale cooked with onions and ham
decaf Americano with sugar free caramel and half & half
I have some cantaloupe and raspberries for a snack later. No dinner plans yet. If I had my way I'd have fish on a bed of spinach, a side salad with nuts and berries in it, and a glass of freshly made carrot juice, but I might just have to settle for what I have on hand, like Greek yogurt and berries.
Yesterday I sat on my bed and folded up a bunch of shirts. They're all too tight. I finally had to put them away instead of keeping them stacked on a chair by my bed, waiting to be tried on every week or so to see if they fit yet. They *almost* fit at 208 pounds. They are my under-200 shirts. I can get them on, but they are tight enough to show every bump and bulge and I like my shirts a little looser. With this 8 pound gain, I had to finally accept that it is going to be awhile before I fit into those shirts again. I folded them neatly in a box, and put them in storage. It was kind of sad. I've been trying to get back under 200 for a long time. I have never been able to get under 200 in the past 15 years except when I did Medifast. Never, no matter what I did. Sometimes, I look at that and I want to give up and go eat a bunch of junk. I figure, if I have to be fat, why not enjoy it? But it doesn't work like that for me. If I go back to eating junk everyday I would be back up around 300 pounds really fast. I have to work hard to stay the weight I am now, even though I am not thin. It seems so unfair to me. I always thought of obesity as the consequence of eating a lot of junk. I know that's not always the case, but for me, my 280 pounds of morbid obesity WAS a consequence of eating pretty much whatever I wanted, in huge quantities. I got to eat every junky thing I wanted! The consequence was being very obese. And I figured the consequence of watching what you eat, giving up most of the junk, cutting back, eating healthier foods, was thinness. Well, that hasn't been my experience. No, my eating is not perfect, but it is so, so, so much better than it was. I wanted pizza for lunch but skipped it. I thought about peanut butter cups today and said no. There is cheesecake leftover in the fridge and I am not eating it. My big indulgence is pastured cream, a tablespoon in my oatmeal or coffee. Heck, I used to eat TWO PINTS of premium ice cream for my evening snack! So to me, it seems like the efforts do not match the results.
I hope someday my results match the efforts I am making.
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