Friday, October 11, 2013

Exposed, Again

On April 6, 2010, I participated in the Exposed movement by writing a post called Flabby Arms: Exposed for Renovation. In that post I included a really candid photo of my bare arms, complete with hanging flab.

This year, I was asked to write again and reflect on my changes since that post 3 years ago. Well, here it is.

My arms have not been renovated:

Pretty much the same look as 3 years ago. My upper arms measure about 1/4" smaller than they did back then, and I weigh about 5 pounds less. Five pounds. That in itself makes me kinda sad. I remember how I felt back then: so hopeful, energized for change, full of life. I had started Medifast just a month prior and was excited to see my body changing. Yet here I am, 3 years and a lot of effort later, and I really have not made any significant changes to my body. I *did* do my skin care routine... sometimes. I *did* lift weights... for awhile, a few months out of each year. But overall there is not much change in my body aside from having a lot more pain in my feet.

I think my attitude and energy has suffered, too, since then. I feel a bit defeated. I try to perk myself up by saying "hey, I maintained a 60-70 pound loss all this time, I didn't gain back up to 280! That's something!" And it is. But I am not really happy about the state of my body. And I have a lot less hope this time around that I am capable of lasting change. Can I morph those arms into something stronger, slimmer, better? I dunno, maybe. But this time around I'm not making any promises I can't keep. 


Anonymous said...

I have so been in your place. I think the the journey is being honest about where you are. I to haven't lost any substancial weight...and in fact have gained in the past year. I have felt so hopeless at times as well. I know how you feel, and I hope that you're able to see how much you've accomplished by simply maintaining. I once was in a class with a plastic surgeon who said to me 'only 3% of people maintain any substantial weight loss over time'. I like to think that regardless of our struggles, we're in the 3%.

Colleen said...

Hi Lynn...I am sad to see you so down on yourself. One thing that has helped me is reading fat acceptance blogs and seeing women feeling beautiful at a range of sizes and body shapes. It made me realize how confidence is the thing that's attractive, not the physical body. I recommend Gabifresh, garnerstyle, dances with fat, and the nearsighted owl. Ironically enough I think accepting my body at a higher weight helped mentally prepare me to lose that weight (down about 12 lbs. in 6 months).

Karen said...

If you think you can you will. If you don't know, make a plan and begin the inputs required. Turn I dunno into I will try.

Lifting and arm weights could be part of physical therapy for you. Ask. Act. Onward.

Anonymous said...

Add wrinkly stretch marks, and it's my arm. :( It got worse after the weight loss and subsequent 40 pound regain.

Yeah. That worked well.


LHA said...

Don't despair. I am extremely impressed that all of your work and effort has enabled you to maintain such a large weight loss. I know that feels like "not enough" to you right now, but let your mind imagine how you would be feeling today if you had regained all that weight. You have much to be proud of.

Out of disappointment and despair can come change for the better. I am betting you will use your current state of mind to propel you forward, because you have not given up. Take a deep breath and keep pushing forward. I know you can do it!

My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog said...

Hey girlie...I'm just emerging from the other side of a longtime maintenance myself. I got 200 lbs off and have been in a holding pattern for the last year and a half or so. I have 91 lbs left to lose and its only been in the last few weeks that I've managed to get the scale moving in the other direction.

I won't lie...the voice in my head is constantly trying to convince me that this is temporary...that I'll be eating candy bars and other crap in a few weeks that will sabotage the 15 lbs I've lost in the last month. For now, I'm actively ignoring that voice and MAKING myself make the choices i need to make to get healthier. I'm taking it day by day, minute by minute and sometimes second by second.

I'm refuse to entertain the idea that I won't be successful. I KNOW I will be and you will too. You have inspired me in so many ways. Thank you for sharing your honesty, dedication, and hard work.

MargieAnne said...

I understand the weariness of all this.

Today I heard Jimmy Moore talk about how his life has evolved over the years of weight loss so that now it is more of a lifestyle and he is very happy with it. I got the impression that he considers himself to be not so much Atkins or Low carb but in a nutritionally ketogenic lifestyle.

I write that to say that we need to do some work on our attitude as to permanence. I am tending toward a ketogenic lifestyle but while I am delighted with it I can accept that it's not for everyone.

Once one's mind is settled it's so much easier.

Basically I keep things simple and when I deviate I don't beat myself up but expect to take 3 - 7 days to get back into my 'normal' pattern.

Take a break with the intention of rebuilding enthusiasm. Without enthusiasm we are doomed to fail.

That's my 2 cents worth. Oh and you should, or maybe nobody should, see my arms.


Candice H. said...

Maybe you are just putting way too much energy into this. Maybe you don't need a blog about it. Weight/ health should be one factor of your life and shouldn't consume all your thoughts. Just do the best you can and enjoy everything else. Don't be so hard on yourself, seriously.