Saturday, September 21, 2013

Thoughts

I am starting to get impatient. I guess most people trying to lose weight are impatient. A pound or even two pounds a week seems to take so, so long. But when you have a week with no loss it feels even worse. I feel a lot of pressure to get the weight off RIGHT NOW. I am very worried that my cortisone shots may wear off again in a month and if I don't get enough weight off, the pain will come right back. I am afraid the doctor will refuse to give me a third set of shots, and I will have to live with the pain again. I am getting a little panicky about it, in fact. The rational part of me knows that losing 5 or 10 pounds or even 20 pounds might not even change whether or not the pain comes back, but then there really aren't any other answers. I have done just about everything shy of surgery and if I have to go back to searching for and trying every possible cure out there just to be rid of the pain, it is going to degrade my quality of life a LOT. So I am trying to be proactive, do everything I can, and I guess I have my head set on getting enough weight off so that the pain goes away. But it is going soooo slowly.

I have visions in my head of getting my bike and biking this fat right off, of it melting off my arms, belly, and legs into a puddle of sweat on the floor around my new bike. I imagine it and I hope I can make it happen. I will say that in all my years of blogging I have never been so afraid that I just will not lose anymore weight, that nothing else will "work", that there is nothing left to try.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

There is something else to try. You just refuse to do it. Cut calories. If you cut the calories at least you would know what would happen. Your body is telling you that you are not eating 900 calories by not losing weight. Your mind may be fooling you. If we believe something enough it becomes reality. One week of cutting back is not going to destroy your metabolism or hurt you. If you really truly want to lose weight you will do it. Cut back to what you think is 700 calories for one week.

Leslie said...

One thing I know is that worrying about the future, either the distant one or sooner, is absolutely pointless. We can only live in the present moment. This is the only place where we can take action and deal with reality. Looking backwards or forwards is futile, and keeps us out of today, and gets us all caught up in either regret for what was(or wasn't), or fear of what will be.

I've read you for years Lyn, and I see this as one of your patterns, like the 5 or so significant self defeating patterns I have. You can't hurry this this weight loss by overdoing today. These habitual themes and patterns can take us back to food as comfort, or cure. Why is there panic now over the weight loss being slow? It's been slow for a long time and panicking can't change it.

I'm working on my own food and eating issues, so when I read this post just now, it really spoke to me and sounded eerily familiar - for me, and coming from you. Just breathe into the fear and panic and dissatisfaction and see where it takes you. Trust the process and remember the "easy does it".

LHA said...

Lyn, the impatience you describe in my view has the capacity to stop weight loss. It is so easy to get discouraged while waiting for that number on the scale to drop. I have often thought "Just forget losing weight! Look how well I did with my eating and no change (or up a pound or whatever) has occurred. I might as well eat what I want." Irrational thoughts like this have derailed me many times. I hope you can accept the weigh in for what it is, just one measure of how you are doing....not the be all and end all of your weight loss plan.

On the PF, although I know that being overweight is a risk factor I have known a few quite trim people who have suffered with PF for some time. You are right that losing even 20 pounds is not going to be a "magic cure" for this condition. Don't panic. Keep working with the doctor who has helped you and also seek out others if he runs out of ideas. Just keep going forward.

Good luck. I know you are going to be very successful in the long run so keep on plugging away!

Karen said...

Stay away from gluten 100%. Instead of saying to yourself "I hope" or "I'm afraid" day instead " I will" or here's my plan", then do what you have planned.

The doing takes time. Patience is part of it. If you give up, you get weight maintenance or gain. If you do the plan everyday, you'll loose. Doesn't matter if it's MF or ANY plan.

Time to do. Good luck and stay focused. Have a plan other than food to deal with emotional reasons to eat.

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

You're right, I refuse to cut calories to 700 a day. I do not think that would be healthy at all. The plan I am on right now is called Medifast 5&1 and 5 meals a day are in premeasured packets that are 90-110 calories each. No room for mistake there. The only other meal I get is 5-7 oz lean protein (weighed) and 1.5 c cooked low carb veggies or 3 c salad greens. That makes the total for the day 850-950 calories and that is as low as I am willing to go, especially with my increased activity.

Leslie~

very true, thanks for the reminder. Sometimes it is hard to just keep going and trusting the plan. Slow is better than nothing.

LHA~

Agreed, and thanks :)

Karen~

yep, I am on day 21 sticking to 5&1. The loss is a lot slower than the first time around which I have seen is fairly common. Just frustrating.

David Dane said...

OH LYNN.... LOOK how far you have come....

Calm down dear, you'll get there...

Anonymous said...

Lyn,
I lost 40 pounds in 4 months on MediFast. I was thrilled and looked fantastic. 2yrs later, I'd regained 35 pounds of it and felt like a complete failure.

I started Dukan, lost 6-7 pounds in attack phase and then without even realizing it, it evolved into a way of eating which I'm told is very much like the South Beach diet. I'm down a total of 15 pounds in 7 weeks.

Yes, I restarted MF more times than you can count and just could never find my initial burst of commitment. When the weight would come off too slowly, I'd cheat... small ones, but still I just couldn't do it.

You really need to move on from MF. Even if it is free, it's not working for you and it's not a long-term solution.

My suggestion is 4 days of Dukan attack-phase and then go South Beach. It's more of a realistic way of eating. If you're committed, you CAN do this and the scale WILL move.

CatherineMarie said...

Lyn,

What about starting your photos again? And get a couple of other "measures" of weight as well as the scale. For instance, I have a goal that is to be able to wear a belt that I could wear when I was a healthy weight.

You know how I feel about Medifast. Can you cut down from 5 & 1 to maybe 3 &2? The problem is that you want to be able to end up with a sustainable final diet for yourself... something with the leeway for a few treats....once in a while. I thought you seemed to be doing better in energy/not bored when you had the fruit, etc in your diet. We all have the idea of the fat melting away... but part of that is a result of watching unrealistic diet shows like biggest loser or extreme weight loss... you notice that they never go back and have reunions....

Lyn said...

Thanks for the comments, all.

CatherineMarie~

yes, am working on the other measures. You're right, sometimes inches or clothing sizes drop before it shows on the scale. My last progress pics were at 217 in November, here:

http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2012/11/progress-pictures-60-pounds-gone-again.html

It's taken me this long to lose the next ten pounds.

I started taking measurements again this month and posted them on Sept 2.

Yes, I miss the fruit again already! I was on 4&2 over the summer, with fruit, and now cut it back out and went to 5&1 again. Thought I might get better losses.

I am waiting for my bike to get here in a few days and then will bike as much as I can and see if that speeds up my results a bit, and also will pay close attention to how I feel.

Anonymous said...

Hey Lyn,

If your foot pain comes back, give the Tex Gold Kinesio tape a try (Rock Tape works well too) and the night time foot splint - I had success with the PF Freedom Night Splint - bought it on amazon.

I healed my plantar fasciitis in 7 months with the splint, along with taping my foot (one long piece on the bottom placed from near the toes to up the back of the leg 3 or 4 inches and then one piece under the heal and another piece under the arch coming part way to the top of the foot -- not much stretch of the tape) and the foot pain has not returned after being healed for over a year. It really did work for me with no shots, and I was in very severe foot pain, so much that I could not walk at all the first 3 or 4 weeks with it until I tried some Chung Shi shoes that I had when I tore my knee. Those shoes were the only ones I could wear until my foot fully healed. They keep your weight off the heal. I was 235 lbs. at the time and it healed anyway. I only started my weight loss 6 months ago in March. I iced my sore foot a lot also and occasionally used a warm foot bath.

I have just reached 197 lbs. for 38 pounds lost in about 6 1/2 months, but like you, it's 1 lb. a week loss, sometimes none. Keep going. Slowly but surely you will do it. Also, check with your doctor about Vitamin D3. My doctor has put lots of patients on it and they have seen 25 to 70 lb. weight loss with no more than walking. One 64 year old lady was bed ridden and lost 27 lbs. This occurred in a year and a half, approximately. I am taking 5000 IU a day. A doctor should monitor periodically. It changes the way food tastes over time and helps you not crave sweets and fattening foods. I can eat a dessert occasionally, such as ice cream or a candy bar, and not keep craving it, unlike before. The doctor said all his patients on vitamin D3 exclaim about this change in food cravings. It's worth a try. It takes a good while, but it has helped so much and I did not believe in this at all at first as I was not a big believer in vitamins, but I've never been able to lose weight this easily. I always plateaued at a 20 lb. loss in the past and gave up. I just recently discovered your blog and really enjoy reading it and can relate to your struggles with the weight. I know you can do this.

I am doing Medifast meals twice a day and regular food the rest of the time, for about 1000 calories a day. Due to knee problems, I exercise only once or twice a week in a pool. I can't walk very far, but the weight is still coming off.

Best wishes to you!

Nan

Anonymous said...

Lyn, I have been reading you for years now and see the same patterns, as Leslie has said. You are not eating enough. 950 cals a day is ridiculous. Julie from Australia.

Victory8 said...

Lyn, I just found your blog. I love that you're so open and honest and it's nice to know I'm not alone. This is my first time on MF 5&1 and so far I'm doing well, just slower than most (hope I'm not already "gaming" it). But I'm doing it through the Take Shape For Life program. I don't know if you are familiar with it, but I have a personal coach (who's lost 90 lbs and kept it off) and great study materials to help change how I think about food, weight loss, health... This has been such a positive experience so far and I'm so thankful to have found this program. It's all about "creating health" vs. treating this as a problem we have to solve. If you've not already read these materials, I'll be glad to share.

Lyn said...

Anonymous/Nan~

congratulations on the success, and thanks for the tips!

Anonymous/Julie~

seems everyone has an opinion on this, even in this very post I get comments telling me I am eating too much AND eating too little. That's been one consistent thing over the years...

Victory8~

Glad you are finding success on Medifast!

Ty said...

Hi. I have been reading some of your posts and poking around your blog a bit( there is quite a lot here so there is no hope of me getting through it all based on my schedule I am afraid ). I am thinking about your current situation and I do have a few thoughts, both general and specific.

First of all general thoughts- something is definitely wrong here, as according to your weight-lost-per-month log, it pretty much isn't happening. Or at least not happening at an effective rate that is worthy of the efforts you have clearly put into this endeavor. The results are not commensurate with the degree of commitment I actually believe you have made to this, so I think you need to re-evaluate some things.

As Einstein said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Another general thought is that there is really no need to worry I think. You clearly are commited to finding a way to do this, and as long as that is the case,I expect a way will be found. " As a man seeketh, so shall he find." Since your heart is in the right place, it's just a question of thinking it through and finding the right path. You've done it before, so I would say just calm down, think it through, and work the problems one at a time.

Specifically, I calculated your BMR at 1677 calories a day at what I estimated your height, age, and current weight to be. Multiplied that by 1.2 using the Harris-Benedict formula based on the assumption of minimal activity. That's 2012 calories a day to maintain your current weight without factoring cardio.

I fail to see how you could be maintaining or losing only 2 pounds a month if you are consuming only 950 calories a day. You ought to be losing 8 pounds a month.

I have no idea what is in a medifast meal, but I am assuming it is generally healthy stuff, and that the calories counts are accurate, therefore there are only so many possibilities as to what the problem is, and I think it has to come down to exercise.

The long cardio and the high intensity low volume weight training combine to raise your metabolism, burn fat, rais your overall caloric expenditures therebye increasing your rate of loss at the same intake levels, and prevent ( or at least mitigate ) the cannibalization of muscle tissue when the body is in a caloric deficit.

I would like to see you at about 1000 calories a day under your maintenance level, and you are, so that means your body isn't reacting to that like it should. Assuming there isn't something isn't medically wrong with you, lack of exercise is the problem. I am almost certain of it. Leave your calories right where they are at and get busy.

Glad you got your recumbent. But you are setting your sights way, way too low. Don't build up to half an hour 5 days a week. START at half an hour 5 days a week, and build quickly to two hours 7 days a week. One hour AM and 1 hour PM. It needent be painful or particularly strenuous at all. You don't need to be lance Armstrong, the cardio is about low intensity over a long time. You don't even start burning fat until 15 min in.

Do a high intensity, low-volume, low sets, low reps point-of-failure regimin at the gym two days a week with 6 or 7 core muscle groups to stimulate an adaptive response from your muscles and reap all of the benefits I mentioned above of having lean muscle mass. The weight training should be the exact opposite of cardio from an intensity standpoint- it is quick, intense, and max effort. In and out in 20 minutes. Pick up that Mike Mentzer book I mentioned on Amazon for a few dollars. He can explain it better in detail than I can.

Do those two things and I think you will get back on track.Get your metabolism in gear and get your body reacting properly to the caloric deprivation. It sounds like you are suffering from low metabolism. Without the exercise your body is reacting to the lack of food by shutting down and slowing down.




Lyn said...

Ty~

thanks for taking the time to read and to leave me a thoughtful comment. I think you are right, that right now exercise is the missing piece that might ramp up my metabolism. My body has been through a lot in its lifetime, including more than a decade of severe binge eating and now 6 *solid* years of dieting in one form or another. I also agree it does not make mathematical sense, but it never has. I should have weighed 400+ pounds with all the food I was eating and the complete lack of activity but never got above the 280's. There's been times, all documented in the blog, where I was calorie counting and got less weight loss than mathematically expected. I don't remember exact numbers but they're somewhere in my blog posts... if I recall correctly I was eating in the range of 1700-1800 at 278 pounds and eventually got down to about 1500 calories a day at 220ish pounds, biking 30 minutes a day and walking and lifting, and stalled out for months. I was still having a binge a couple times a month so that played into it, too. My first time on Medifast, I lost 59 pounds in 8 months eating an average of 900 calories a day, very little exercise. Most recently, when I went off Medifast and was eating mainly a Primal diet and calorie counting, I had to cut back to about 1350 calories to get a slow loss about like I am getting now.

Anyway, yes you are probably right and the biking and strength training should help a lot. The reason I am slowly increasing biking is due to my past experiences with injuries that sideline my activity for weeks. I have bad arthritis and spurring in my knees so I have to build up the muscle stability in that area to avoid pain and injury. I think my feet should be okay now with the biking. I hope to be up to 30 minutes a day within 2-3 weeks and maybe go beyond that. I have never gotten past about 40 minutes in a session without my feet or toes starting to go numb, but maybe with my new shoes and orthotics it won't be an issue this time.

Thanks and your feedback is always welcome!

Ty said...

I know how you feel about trying to work through the nagging repetitive stress injuries .

I am 42 and have a LOT of mileage on this body. 20 years of hard labor in my trade, thousands of miles of running distance in my teens and early 20's on the track and cross-country teams, a horrific motorcycle crash where I broke both femurs, arm, shoulder, ribs, etc etc, and of course 10 years of carrying around a hundred extra pounds that I put on from severe depression have left me with so many little pains and aches that it is almost comical.

It's almost like my joints take turns acting up. If it isn't my left hip bothering me today then its my right ankle. If it isn't my right knee, then its my lower back ( I have 2 vertebrae that are bone on bone ). Sometimes I just have to laugh, because the pains just jump around so randomly.

I just do what I have to do. I am not going to be stopped. I Adjust my stride to emphasise one area and de-emphasise another.

I use stretching, ibuprofen, braces, neoprene sleeves, special shoes, ankle supports, special insoles, adjusting my laces tighter or looser, going faster or slower, longer or shorter, splitting the total distance into segments. You name it. There is always a way around the obstacle.

I single-handedly support the ibuprofen industry in this country. Without me it would collapse from losing half their sales. You just have to keep adjusting and find what works.

For me, it's walking. I had it up to 3 hrs a day there for a while, but had to cut it back to two due to injuries. Also, I walk on a soft crushed gravel nature trail instead of concrete now, wearing basketball hi-tops for ankle support and I buy expensive cushiony gel insoles.

I learned that I can get injured less if I do my 2 hrs in 2 segments- 1 hr AM and 1 hr PM. If I do it back to back things start acting up.

I had to drop lifting leg-weights at the gym completely. It's no big deal if I strain my bicep or tricep a bit during a workout,as it wouldn't affect my weight loss at all if I skip biceps next time or change exercises. But if I tweak my knee or ankle trying to do leg presses,then that puts me out of the cardio business and that is a disaster for weight loss and is unaceptable. So sadly, no leg weights for me.

Hang in there! It would be great if you could get to the point where you could do long walking. I simply cannot stay still on a stationary piece of cardio equipment for an hour or two. Cant do it. I would lose my sanity. If I cant walk, then I would get a bike and ride it around outdoors. But whatever works for you and what burns the calories is what counts. If the recumbent keeps you moving, then roll with it!

Anonymous said...

Hi Lynn--I'm also on MF and losing really slowly now after taking a hiatus with a small 8 pound gain. I'm finding it's harder to stick to the strict 5 and 1, and I suspect that's the problem. I'm working hard to eliminate all my extras, and I believe I'll need to ramp up the exercise if I want to lose these last 25 or so pounds. I read often, and I'm cheering us both on! Kristin