Friday, August 23, 2013

Shots

I got more shots in my feet this morning. It was super painful, and he worked around putting the shot at different angles into each heel, from the sides. I have to stay off my feet all day. I actually came home and cried, because I feel so... well, just sad, I guess. Yesterday I could barely walk by afternoon and this morning it was difficult to even get to the doctor. The pain in the right foot was as bad as it ever has been. the whole thing just feels so depressing.

I have lots of time today to just sit here, read, and think. My summer was so busy and fun that I didn't have much down time but was busy just enjoying the nice weather, my kids, and the ability to do whatever I want pain free. Today... I am just feeling like such a loser and so hopeless about fall and winter. I worry... what if the shots don't work this time? What if I gained weight over the summer? What if I NEVER get this weight off? It's upsetting. And I have had to stop and think: it is really possible for everyone, anyone, to get to a normal BMI? Is it? I always thought it was... now I don't know.

I have never felt quite so close to just giving up as I have this morning. But then I think... giving up on what? On trying to lose weight? Well, if I do that, what WOULD I do? Go back to eating junk all the time? Start binge eating again? Have hot dogs and Cheetos for dinner? Add McDonald's back into my menu again? What does giving up even mean? I can't go back to that... I don't want to. I want to be healthy. I do like vegetables. I do still like Cheetos, unfortunately, but not on a regular basis. But yeah, today part of me thought about turning into that obese lady who is homebound, sitting in a chair eating Moon Pies and ordering pizzas and just telling everyone I "can't" do anything. I could be that... if I didn't have kids, or dogs, or responsibilities...

Anyway there is no choice for me. I have to have this day of sitting after the shots (doctor's orders) but I really do not want it to become my daily life. I want to heal. I want to be well. Actually, I think I have lost at least *some* weight. My pants finally feel a bit loose right out of the dryer, so maybe.

But right now part of me just wants to drown my sorrows in food.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am one who does not believe that "everyone" can get to a "normal BMI." Some of us are just meant to stay a higher weight than the government charts say. Some of us can be healthy even if we are overweight by that chart. Are you in the "Obese" category or just overweight? I think if you can get to "overweight" you can be perfectly healthy. I also feel some people just are not meant to be that thin so you have to find your way to the weight that your body wants to be.

Annie

Lyn said...

Annie~

My BMI as of my last weigh in (in early June) was 33.6 which is obese (30 and above). To get back to the overweight category I need to weigh 185. My lowest weight on this journey was 175 pounds.

timothy said...

do NOT give in to that sorrow, you know extra weight will only make your feet worse as it puts more stress on them to carry the pounds. the shots have been working so my hope is that will work again and that somehow you'll find a way to beat this thing. there simply HAS to be a way to do it so don't give up the good fight. sendin prayers and healing your way! xoxoxoxo

Hazel said...

C'mon Lyn! yay!

I'm sure that there are many of us who follow your blog but rarely feel 'qualified' to comment - but for today, I want to give you a pat on the back and a bit of support.

How far you've come! How you want to make food a 'norm' not an 'issue'! What a great pain-free Summer you have enjoyed! How you want your kids to be free of any hangups from your own past! How you want move on from your great progress to date!

C'mon, feet, get walking!

Willing you forward on your journey!

PamL said...

Hey Lyn, I feel for you. I've had plantar fasciitis for about a year. I had two shots in Jan/Feb but then just didn't do any more because the pain just came back after a few weeks. I think just *now*, after almost a year and light, light exercise (no walking/running/aerobics--just stuff with no impact like biking and elliptical...and that just since March of this year), my feet are getting a little bit better. I wake up in the AM and they hurt, but throughout the day, I think they are feeling better. But it's been a lot of rest and a little icing/stretching, although not on a regular basis. What seems to help me the most is no sugar/grains. I've been doing some research and have found that when I knock out sugar and wheat for a couple days, I feel much, much better. Like my feet don't hurt as much in the AM when I wake up. Wheat Belly is a great book--kind of explains how wheat might contribute to inflammation (of which plantar fasciitis is). Good luck and hang in there. Life is certainly better living without the junk, you know you can attest to that!

Lyn said...

thank you timothy and Hazel. Your words meant a lot to me today. I felt so low... but as the day goes on I feel more determined. I am just praying these shots work and I wake up in the morning pain free... or at least able to walk around in a reasonable state. Thank you again.

Lyn said...

Thanks to you too Pam, I just saw your comment as well. Life is definitely better in so many ways without the junk! My doctor today recommended a different orthotic this time around, told me not to walk as much for exercise but instead to get on my exercise bike and see if that is easier on the feet. I am much better without the sugar, too.

Anonymous said...

Try Dr. Fuhrman's Eat for Health plan. It is the only thing that worked for me. I had absolutely no cravings and felt amazing. It is very strict but read "The Pleasure Trap" and you will understand why it is truly the only option. Moderation is a farce.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there lyn. I went from 168 to 90 lbs with a BMI. Of 15 on MEDIFAST in 2011. It is possible to lower your BMI. My BMI WAS 33. I lost too much. Medifast ( or any diet you stick to for 7 months) can help you loose weight. KEEPING. It off is a struggle every hour of every day. I have gained 10 lbs since jan 2012 but since then it has been torture to stay this way . This weight makes me happy and I have a good center of balance. You have to be the weight that makes you feel good inside and out. Once you feel better with your feet, the rest will follow. You are still much younger then I. You have time. relax about it maybe you just need a little ME time . Losing over 50 pounds is quite an accomplishment .

Karen said...

Food is not the answer. I know it seems like it, but it's not.

This will pass and you will feel better. Ride this wave.

Do NOT give up. Stay OP on Medifast. Stay 100% OP if you choose MF. It will help the thoughts of food pass quickly, in my experience.

Safe travels. Karen P

Lyn said...

Thanks Karen, absolutely you are right. I hung in there and stayed on plan. Felt much better after a big lettuce and cucumber salad with turkey. It is also nice to have the convenience of Medifast while I am stuck off my feet.

Sweeter than Sugar said...

Hi Lyn,

I have followed you a long time. Or I should perhaps say that I used to follow you and then I stopped reading blogs and logging into my account. In fact I've been gone so long that my email address was deactivated! Luckily my blogger account is still alive because I got a sudden desire to see how you and a few other bloggers that I used to follow are doing now. The blogging thing is a weird in that while you obviously have no idea who I am, to me you feel like an old friend. Therefore I was so happy yesterday when I returned to your blog for the first time in...what.. two years or more maybe? to see that you are still blogging. I am vey impressed by your tenacity and by your writing. I am sorry to hear about your foot. I can feel your pain and despair. To answer your question though, I think everyone can absolutely get to a normal weight! But ask yourself if what you are doing now is working or not? If not, why do you think that is?
The other question to ask is when you have reached your goal weight, how will you live your life then? What will you eat? And how much will you be able to eat without gaining weight? How much exercise are you happy to incorporate into your lifestyle for the rest of your life?
If I knew you for real I would give you a warm hug. As it is now I will just say that someone over in England is thinking about you and wishing you well. Take care Lyn, you are such a strong person :)

Anonymous said...

Lyn, I had plantar fasciitis for about a year, but I was able to cure it (fairly well as long as I'm careful) by wearing a night brace I got on Amazon.com and by taping my foot regularly with Kinesio Tape, which I also purchased on Amazon. The name of the night brace is: Freedom PF Night Splint II and I used the Tex Gold Kinesio Tape as it is more water tolerant than the Classic. You can see how to tape your foot on You Tube. I also used ice gel packs on it regularly and wore Chung Shi shoes, which keep some of the weight off the arch of the foot. After taping my foot regularly (you can leave the tape on for more than one day if you like), I was finally healed enough to take the tape off after about 7 months. I wore the night brace over a year. I taped my foot with a piece of tape from just below the toes and up the back of the leg a couple inches or so and a piece under the arch and under my heal. You Tube shows a couple of ways to tape for plantar fasciitis. Do what feels right if you try this.

I, too, am on a weight loss journey, using Medifast for a couple meals a day and using regular food the rest of the time, keeping the calories around 1000 per day. I have gone from 235 pounds in early March to 201 pounds as of August 20th. Like you and others, every pound loss is hard fought. I wish you all the best. I know it's hard. You might want to at least give the night brace a try for your feet. I tried a couple others before this one, and this is the best I've found. Hope this helps you some. I hope your feet feel better soon! Nan

~ChubbyMommy said...

I'm sorry....i know that this is hard. But maybe you can use this 'forced' quiet-sit-time to look back and see all that you've accomplished? And as a chance to look forward to all that is yet to come for you...

Sending healing vibes to your tootsies and feet...take care of you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lyn,
I'm so sorry your feet are hurting you again. I, too, had PF and it finally healed. I had to stay off my feet as much as possible and was actually on crutches for a while. I'd ice with jell packs.

As far as weight goes, I'm presently on Medifast and losing weight. I'm now at a normal weight. Yes, it's possible and I do get somewhat hungry at times, but drink more liquid which helps.

Take this time to make a strong determination to stay on plan, stop tweaking the plan as you've done and eating extra stuff. It works if you work it. Good luck.

Sheryl C. said...

Lyn, I have had to get injections in my knees. The second time took a little longer to kick in, but when it did, it worked for close to three months. I will have to get more, but if it gets me through those weeks without pain, it is worth it. I have that much more opportunity to work on my weight. I am having a problem with plantar fasciitis right now, so I know your pain. I do the recumbent bike, which works for my feet, knees and back, all of which I have problems with. Thankfully my feet seem to improve with wearing the right shoes all the time and never going barefoot on my cement floors. Just don't be discouraged if it takes a few days for the shots to help. I feel sure they will. Praying for you.

caran johnson said...

im sorry you are having pain in your feet. I know how debilitating it can be. I have/ had pf in both feet. 3 years ago I ended up having surgery on one foot and leg and it has been a life savor. if after you get all the shots allowed and still have pain, you should consider it. hang in there. you have lots of support in whatever you do.