I am feeling better mentally and emotionally today, although physically kind of lousy. My feet started hurting when I included too much sugar in my indulgence over the past few days, and it has me a little nervous. I am NOT going back to limping around in pain all day for months. Not an option. I am back off the junk and doing my best to stay off. I get that I will probably not be 100% junk free for life, but that's what I work towards and eventually the lapses will be even fewer and farther between.
I toyed with getting on the scale and knuckling down to knock pounds off in whatever way necessary starting NOW. I always get this image in my head of myself exercising Biggest Loser style for hours a day while following a low carb 1200 calorie plan like they do on the show... lifting heavy object and throwing myself into it with a passion. But in reality that is not going to happen for me. I am glad that approach works for some. I have no beef with people doing what they feel good about and are able to do.
I think right now I am in this limbo state that a lot of fat people are in: wanting to lose weight, putting in some effort, feeling a little ambivalent about the whole thing, wishing the fat would just go away. I have one advantage that the majority of those people don't have, though: I've kept off about 60 pounds for the better part of 4 years. That's beating the odds, and even though I feel kind of ambivalent, it gives me hope and motivation that when I *do* peel off more pounds, I am capable of having them STAY off.
Here is my decision. I am continuing Medifast and I am going to get on the scale by September 1 at the latest, post my weight and get crackin' harder on the pounds when school starts. I don't mean I am waiting until then to keep trying; I am on plan right now. But I think once school starts I will start tracking calories/carbs again and trying to maximize weight loss and figure out how to speed things up a bit. I do not know what I weigh but I do know that in the past when I was losing about 7 pounds per month (which I think is a fine rate for me) I could FEEL the difference in my body and my clothes rather quickly, and I am not feeling that now. I have not gone down a size in months. My 2 pairs of size 16 capri pants (which fit fine) BOTH developed holes in them yesterday! I am almost out of things to wear again! I have tons of smaller clothes from before the regain and I want to get back into them. So... focus on just following the plan and walking now, and then in about 3 weeks I will start tracking again and paying close attention to my stats (including sodium and fat %), because this whole maintenance/super slow losing thing is on my last nerve.
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