Saturday, June 8, 2013

Out of a Bad Dream

I feel like I have been living in a bad dream for more than a year.

I mean, yes, I have had some very nice times, wonderful experiences, loved spending time with the family and such. But the past couple of days, with the pain so dramatically less, I feel like a switch has gone back on in my brain. Like I woke up. Like I am alive again.

I know it sounds hokey, but it's true. When you're in chronic, daily/hourly/sometimes minute-by-minute pain, just *experiencing* that pain takes up a huge amount of brainpower... of attention. And then the thinking about fixing it, about how to escape the pain, becomes a preoccupation. All that hurting and limping and not-being-able... all that wondering and wishing and researching and stressing... it soaks into your awareness like water into a sponge, leaving a lot less energy and focus for anything else.

How many days has it been now? Two? Three? I don't even know, because instead of constantly counting the days I have been hurting, I was busy living! I FORGOT I had plantar fasciitis today! It was astounding the moment I remembered, after being on my feet for much of the morning and then suddenly it was like... "wait, where's my pain?? It's not there!" It was an amazing realization that I know you will understand if you have ever had relief from something longstanding like this.

Yes, my left foot still aches some, but it's the kind of pain that is rather easily ignored. Not sharp or debilitating... just an ache. It doesn't even register on my consciousness when I am busy focusing on something else. Having less than half the pain in that foot, and NO pain in the right foot (which was my more painful foot) is *quite* tolerable! The right foot had a slight burning feeling for a short time today, but that's it. Nothing more.

Oh, I know this could wear off in a few weeks. This could just be temporary. But I am relishing it! It is SO GOOD to be free. I am just so happy to have not only my life without excessive pain back, but also to have my brain back. I did not even realize how wrapped up in my head I was about the pain. I feel like I just got out of a cage.

School is out, dance is over for the summer, and I am going to be spending a lot less time in this recliner! I have been chained to it out of necessity over the past year, and now I just want to get away from it and do active things with the kids and dogs. I won't go overboard or increase activity too quickly, but I sure am going to do what I can! This means I won't be online as much, either. My kids and dogs and I have lots to do this summer! I will still post, but if I go a few days or a week between posts, don't worry. I'll just be busy NOT being in pain and restricted to inactivity. 

I am so happy. I truly pray this is a lasting solution.

14 comments:

timothy said...

THAT'S WONDERFUL, SENDIN PRAYERS OF HEALING YOUR WAY! MAYHAPS YOU FINNALY FOUND THE RIGHT DR/TREATMENT!

Charis said...

i was just curious why you didnt do the cortisone shots before? my mum had heel spurs, i dont know if thats the same thing, and the cortisone cured her. its been 10 years and she is still happy on her feet.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to pass on a word of caution here...these wonderful feelings are usually what happens when a person has a cortisone shot, anywhere in the body. Please don't overdo it. Cortisone is a marvellous drug but has an "evil" side too. Just take care - Julie from Australia. xx

Anonymous said...

That is wonderful news!! So happy you have finally found some relief! :)
When/if it wears off, will you get another shot? Are there any cons to gettig the shot?
Enjoy this almost pain free time!!! :)
-N.

Lyn said...

Thanks guys!

Julie~

yes, I know it might just be a short reprieve but wow, it is awesome! I am still not at the activity level I was at before I got PF, but I am closer to a 'normal' routine around the house, which feel so good.

Charis and Anonymous~

I was getting conflicting advice on the shots. The first dr wanted to try more conservative treatments first because of the risks of the shot causing further damage. The PT also said the fat pads in my heels are too thin and the shot can cause them to degrade further. Each treatment I tried seemed to be helping for awhile, then the pain just got worse and worse. This new Dr addressed the risks by cutting the shot dose by 2/3 and doing it in only one foot to see the effects. There are other risks to costisone shots but if you are considering them I'd advise you to speak with your doctor and also do some research.

I will see the Dr again in a couple weeks to reassess whether to get a shot in the other foot. He said risks increase with repeated injections but I will follow his recommendations for longer term treatment.

Feeling great this morning and heading out for a walk soon!

Theresa said...

I could not be more thrilled for you,! This is such wonderful news. I add my prayers that it can be permanent! :)

Anonymous said...

Lyn, nothing you wrote sounds "hokey". Those whose specialty is pain management know that people who live with chronic pain are not only depressed and anxious but occasionally feel suicidal.
Unless somebody has actually experienced excruciating chronic pain s/he should not judge. The expression re. 'walking in someone else's shoes' applies quite literally to your situation, when you've been judged by those who thought you should "just do it!".

Having said that, I do agree with some who suggested that other types of exercises (i.e. any that do not necessitate being on your feet), would probably be very beneficial in several ways.

Returning to the subject of depression, sometimes it is difficult to throw yourself into activities as enthusiastically when you are depressed as when you are not. There is the emotional component that is necessary in order to force yourself to engage in physical activities that would not be your first choice. Unfortunately it is a vicious cycle...your system does not benefit from the physical activity and that affects you emotionally as well as physically.

Glad you are experiencing some relief, regardless of how long it lasts and hoping you will find a permanent solution.
dlamb (too lazy to sign in; yeah, THAT LAZY!)

S said...

Lyn, how old are your kids? How many do you have? Will you get a shot in the other foot?

Lyn said...

Anon (dlamb)~

thanks! I agree about the emotional component, too. Over the winter I struggle with SAD. I do better with vitamin D3 and light box therapy, but this PF made this past winter worse. I feel SO much better now that I am able to get outside and enjoy this summer weather! We went to the park today and it was just lovely to walk along without having to stop and sit and wait for the others. I am currently biking (indoors, recumbent) 15 min most days, doing a little lifting (mostly arms, while seated) and starting swimming this week (once or twice a week unless I get access to a closer pool).

S~

I am blessed with five wonderful children from 7 to 22. I will do whatever this doctor tells me to re: more shots. I feel like he knows what he is doing :)

Anonymous said...

Did you weigh in today? I'm really interested in how the altered plan is affecting your weight loss . . .

Rebecca

Lori said...

I am so glad to read that. I truly hope that this will last. I'm glad you are making the most of it.
Lori

Sunnydaze said...

I'm so glad to hear that you finally have some relief and are able to walk again. :D

liz said...

I've lived with it for years. You have to be good... switch shoes often wear your insoles stretch..
I have pain occasionally but I've learn to listen to my feet. Try not to get the shot often.

Anonymous said...

You are such an inspiration!
I'm so so glad that its possible to emerge from the darkness of living in a bad dream! Thank you for reminding me