This is hard for me to write, because I honestly don't feel like writing anything. But I am going to anyway.
Last time I blogged I was starting up my new plan with lots of produce added. I will say that is going very well, I feel more 'normal' and happy eating this way and it is easier than the 5 & 1 plan. I will write more about that later.
For a few days after my last post, I was just busy. Busy with kids, dogs, just life. Then I got a call that my mammogram results were abnormal. It wasn't just small calcifications like the last time I needed follow up, but a new "suspicious" mass. I admit that when I heard this and then went in and got a copy of the radiology report, I was highly upset. You know where my mind went. I did get very emotional about it for a couple of days and did not want to talk about it... not here, not to anyone. In fact I still have not spoken to anyone about it. I have an ultrasound and "probably" a needle biopsy scheduled in less than a week. I coped with this news by reading and researching everything I could about foods and supplements that help ward off cancer and continuing to focus on eating all that produce for good health, biking 15 minutes a day, and drinking more green tea. In the meantime, another family member had some health testing that I am quite concerned about, which will either come back as nothing or could be something very bad. I feel like I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop on that, as well.
When I finally felt like I wanted to come back and blog and maybe share something about this, I came back to write but first went to publish the comments that had been left while I was gone. At that point, I had one or two comments with people wondering where I am and if I am okay. But you know what else I had? I had a slew of comments from people saying they hoped I had died, they hoped I'd killed myself, and cheering that maybe I had eaten myself to death. And what really topped it off were the comments left for my children, saying basically congratulations on your mother's death.
What is wrong with people? Really. Is this what society has become? These people saying these things are not kids... teenagers who don't understand the consequences of their words. These people are adults. I am well aware of who they are, because not all comments are anonymous These bullies and their followers have left me hateful words over the past two years and I have deleted and ignored it without much thought. But this? Really? Saying they hoped I was dead, and leaving hateful comments for my *children* to read if something had happened to me? Seriously. I cannot fathom what would ever, EVER possess another human being to treat another person this way. And what have I ever done to anyone? What am I doing that is so awful that I deserve to be greeted by cheers and hopes of my death when I am facing those fears in my real life? When I have shed tears wondering what those tests will show? When I have been trying to stay positive? Yet coming back here and knowing that if I do have cancer, and if I die, some people will have a celebration and try to cause my children pain. Shame on you, just shame. How can you live with yourselves? I could never, would never treat any human being this way and you need to take a good hard look at yourself and figure out, between you and your god if you have one or your conscience if you have one, why you would rejoice in another's pain.
That is all I am going to say about that.
So I went away again without blogging, but when I came back there were many, many kind words, thoughts, and prayers left in the comments for me along with several emails of the same, and I guess I realized then that *most* of the world is good... most people are kind. Most people care and I do not want to cut myself off from the people who care, and who I care about, especially now.
As the days have gone by, I feel better and more positive and more sure they will do their tests and bring back good news and nothing will be terribly wrong, and I will take it as a warning to do everything in my power, every day, to eat and live for good health and not wait for a crisis to take care of *me*.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. ~Dalai Lama
Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not. ~Samuel Johnson
There is always a way to be honest without being brutal. ~Arthur Dobrin
Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity. ~ Buddha
As long as we observe love for others and respect for their rights and dignity in our daily lives, then whether we are learned or unlearned, whether we believe in the Buddha or God, follow some religion or none at all, as long as we have compassion for others and conduct ourselves with restraint out of a sense of responsibility, there is no doubt we will be happy. ~ Dalai Lama
I would rather make mistakes in kindness and compassion than work miracles in unkindness and hardness. ~Mother Teresa
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