It's May 1 and today I weighed in at 208 pounds. That's two pounds gone in April.
Looking back, I've been losing slowly but haven't had any gains since October:
219 November (-2)
218 December (-1)
218 January 2013 (0)
216 February (-2)
213 March (-3)
210 April (-3)
208 May (-2)
Yep, 13 pounds in 7 months. Ten pounds so far this year.
I sort of accepted the slow losses, or at least I thought I had. I figured eventually my body will catch up and show me a bigger loss. And if not, hey, at least I am losing weight again. My body is changing and I look better and feel better. I weigh less now than I have in about 14 months. But somehow, today, when I wrote down "2 pounds" for April in my planner, I got mad.
I got very irritated that I ate an average of 900-1000 calories a day all month and still lost just 2 pounds. I got annoyed that I worked *very hard* to stay closer to my goal of eating perfection than I have in months... with only one off plan (but low carb) meal all month... and still only lost 2 pounds. In fact, this afternoon I became exceptionally grumpy and just wanted to go to the bakery and have a bagel sandwich and a cupcake. But I didn't. Instead I looked at the calendar, realized I am mid-cycle and my hormones are whacked, thought about my very stressful month with a death in the family and dealing with a serious, long-standing medical issue with one of my children, remembered that I have been dealing with quite a bit of pain from my feet, and gave myself a pass. What I mean by a pass is, I decided not to be so hard on myself and my body. I need to stop thinking negatively about it and embrace the healthy changes and the weight loss I *did* get. I made some big adjustments to my eating... lowering the sodium and fat percentage... sticking to Medifast quite well. And I did increase my activity a bit despite the pain, walking a bit more and biking some. I did okay. I did a good job. There's no need to shoot myself in the foot by going off and eating junk for a day.
I admit I am still annoyed but in a more accepting kind of way. I will keep on working at it, and maybe May will be the month I lose more than 2 or 3 pounds. But if not, I will just be glad for my healthier, healing body.
Breaking The Silence
1 day ago