Tuesday, May 28, 2013

BENIGN

Thank God, it's a benign cyst.

I went to the radiology appointment this morning to take a closer look at the "spots" in the right breast and the "mass" in the left breast that showed up on my mammogram a few weeks ago. I have been very nervous about this, because it is not just calcifications like the last 'bad' mammogram I had a few years back.

I went into the changing room and put on that flimsy half-gown that opens in the front. The lady who took me back was *very* nice. She was *so* kind and compassionate and comforting. First, she said, they wanted to do some additional mammogram views. So she took about five films (with the breast-squishing machine, ouch) and then took me back to wait.

I waited, looked at a magazine, thought to myself, "it's nothing, the radiologist will come in like he did the last time this happened and tell me I am free to go." But instead, the nice lady came back. She said the radiologist was unsure about what he was seeing and needed *more* views. She took me to another room and did four more images that she called "rolled" compressions. It's just what it sounds like; they roll your breast, twisting it around so that the tissue is more spread out before compressing. This hurt enough that I actually winced and muttered, but it was done rather quickly and then back I went again to wait.

Next, the ultrasound tech came to get me. She was nice enough, but a lot more detached and less interactive than the first lady. She did tell me that the right breast 'spots' were no longer concerning to the radiologist upon seeing the new views, but he did want to look some more at that mass in the left breast. The tech brought me to another room and had me lie down on a table. She got out her wand and ultrasound gel and got to work getting images and taking measurements of the round blotch on the screen. I'd watched her type "breast mass" in the information field. I laid there while she checked and measured, thinking about what a breast mass could mean. She she was done, she popped up, wiped me off, and said "I think the radiologist will want to talk to you. He will probably want to do some scans." And she left.

Scans? What? To me, it sounded ominous. It did not sound like she thought it was nothing of concern. Lying there on my back on the table with the flimsy gown on, I started to wonder... to think. A lot can go through your head when you're waiting in a dim, quiet room alone for 15 minutes. A lot of scary thoughts.

Finally the radiologist burst in with a smile, shook my hand as I lay on the table, and started chatting. He said a lot of stuff but what stood out like a neon sign was

BENIGN CYST.

That's what he said. "Nothing to worry about. It's just fluid, these things happen, it's benign. We'll see you back in a year." And then he was gone, I was getting dressed and feeling lightheaded and wondering if I might pass out right there on the floor with one arm through my bra strap.

I got out to the car and the relief washed over me and the stress all came out and I just sat there and cried. And I prayed in thankfulness, and promised myself to take better care of my health.

When I opened the glove box looking for a Kleenex to wipe my tears, guess what I saw? A half-eaten bag of Ruffles potato chips from my relapse of May 4. I immediately took that bag in my fist and crushed the life out of any remaining chips... crushed them to dust like the poison that they are to me. And then I came home and ate some fresh blueberries.

I am not perfect, you know that. I screw up sometimes. I have intentions that I don't always follow through on. But I am taking every strong moment I have to make myself stronger. I am taking any and every motivation... be it fear, gratitude, a sense of empowerment or relief that I may have dodged a bullet... to make myself a healthier, happier, more stable person.

Thank you for your good thoughts and prayers.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

So happy to hear your news! I have been sending good thoughts your way since you disclosed this last week!

aec5940 said...

Thank God!! You've been in my prayers! I maybe have only ever commented one other time, but I've been reading for a long time. I've thought about you a lot since you first mentioned this and I am so happy to hear this.

Anonymous said...

I'm thrilled to hear that all is well!

LHA said...

Wonderful news! I went through a very similar process a few years ago except that the ultrasound showed a solid mass, not a cyst. I opted for a biopsy right away and it was a benign tumor, thankfully. I know exactly how you felt as the relief washed over you!! It is a wonderful feeling. What you have been through is a GREAT reminder to all of us to guard our health and enjoy life, something that we forget all to often. Enjoy your day and the wonderful sense of relief. Thrilled for you!

Steelers6 said...

Best. Title. Ever!

Rejoicing with you, my bloggie friend.

I can relate to the "discomfort" of the rolled compressions. I'm ok with the regular type of mammo-i convince myself i can handle it for that short time. I got sent back for more testing (also read; $$$ since I have no coverage.) That test was using a cone & it was super painful, perhaps almost causing tears. And slightly past muttering! Haha

Thanks for sharing. Chrissy

Tina said...

Great news!! What a relief!

Anonymous said...

Benign. I love that word. It might be my favorite word ever.

Anonymous said...

Hugs, warm wishes and continued prayers! What wonderful news!!

Theresa

Anonymous said...

Thank you Lord!!! God answers prayers!!
Rejoicing with you in the good news. :)
-N.

i should be full said...

What a relief!!! I am so happy for you! Once again, your strength, awareness, and perseverance is inspiring. You should be so proud of yourself.

Taryl said...

Praise The Lord! That is excellent news, I'm so relieved to hear you're in the clear :)

timothy said...

that's wonderful! and so glad you destroyed those chips rather than doin the emotional eating thing. so now you can move forward without worry and just focus on getting optimal health!

Anonymous said...

I am so happy and relieved for you. God Bless.

MargieAnne said...

Thank God.

I'm not sure how I would cope with such awful stress.

Enjoy the feeling of freedom from this anxiety.

Blessings

Cari Wagner said...

So So So Happy to hear the great news. Also glad that you are posting again and back to yourself. I should probably post more but I am lazy. But I realized that it is important to know that people care! xoxox

Betsey C. said...

Sweet relief! What a feeling. I am so glad to hear your good news, Lyn!

Leslie said...

Thank you Universe! So glad to hear this Lyn. I went through a cyst like that about 2 years ago that scared the crap out of me. I got the same verdict - benign fluid filled cyst that disappeared on its own and hasn't come back. Sounds like you got another shot in the arm towards GOOD HEALTH!

16 blessings'mom said...

Lyn, thank YOU for sharing! I am so happy and relieved, it's almost like you got a second life! I read your blog every single day, and feel like I know you:) A few years back, I had a mammogram (my mother and grandmother had breast cancer), and was called back to have an ultrasound done, and I can relate to your fears. When you mentioned lying there in the dark for 15 minutes..oh man, lots of thoughts can go through your head...anyway, mine was fine too, but what relief! Thank you for sharing, I will get out of this chair and get to that pool, thank you for all of the encouragement, and remember, you are not alone in this battle to good health!!!

Della

Sunnydaze said...

THANK GOD! I actually teared up reading this when you said you sat in the car and cried out of relief. I had a similar episode last year with my mammo, which thankfully, turned out to be nothing, as well. Most defintely makes you thankful. Good for you for destroying the chips and taking charge of your life. You deserve it.

Lori said...

Lyn,
I am thankful that everything is OK. I had a very similar situation. A 'mass' was 'irregular' and I had to have an ultrasound on one of my breasts. I went alone to the appointment. I strained to see the machine, but could not. Finally the tech left saying she needed to talk to the radiologist. I remember laying there in fear thinking that if the tech came in alone everything would be fine. But the radiologist came in instead. I can still remember the air whooshing out of my body when I saw her. She was very kind and seemed to take forever doing her own ultra sound. Eventually, I got the same diagnosis as you.

BTW, much congratulations on grinding up the chips. You probably needed to do that to work out some of those strong emotions. So, the chips served a good purpose after all. LOL!!
Lori

Lyn said...

Thank you all so much. Wow, a lot of you have had similar experiences. It is so frightening when you are waiting... minutes away, imagining the worst and knowing it COULD BE TRUE. That is what is so shaking. To the core. Makes you want to take much better care of yourself! I do feel like I got a "warning" and I am heeding it.

Deb Willbefree said...

Such good news! I'm thanking God with you.

Deb

Anonymous said...

So happy for your great news!!!