Sunday, March 10, 2013

Sunday

I am feeling kind of bummed out today. This morning, I got up and started digging through the ol' clothes-too-small box looking for some jeans or capris or *something* that would fit me. I am down to one pair of jeans that fit again and that just is not working out for me. I have to wear sweats while the jeans are in the wash, and I know they are going to turn threadbare in no time if I keep wearing them almost every day. So I went digging, and it was really disappointing. I thought for sure with the smaller waist and pounds gone since last time I tried them on, there'd be a few things that fit now. Nope. Well, barely. All of the pants I tried on are 16's and only two of them could button. One of those two is *almost* comfortable. I could wear them if I had to, or if I dropped five pounds they'd be fine. The other, well, it buttons but strangles. You know what I mean.

Anyway, I've been in a pretty good mood over the past weeks but today I had a major energy drop, am feeling a bit grumpy, and am irritable about my weight. I find myself wondering what exactly was in the off-plan bits I had yesterday, which amounted to about 3 Tablespoons of curry sauce. All the rest of what I ate was on plan, except that sauce. Well, really, I doubt there was enough of anything in it to affect my energy like this, but who knows? Back to 100%.

Yesterday when I went in my workout room to bike, there was some stuff piled around my bike. I got it all moved away and then switched on the TV to watch while I did my ten minutes... but the old TV just screeched at me. It has died. Funny, but when I heard that noise and saw the blank screen, I immediately flashed back to when my boys were little. Getting that TV was a *really big* deal for our family. It was 1995 and I had 3 babies ages 5 and under. We'd been married for 6 years and the only TV we had ever had was a very small (12" screen) black and white one that sat in the corner of the living room on an old microwave cart. We had bunny ears for reception and we got 2 or 3 channels; I'd sit on the couch and watch talk shows while I nursed a baby or my boys would sometimes watch Sesame Street. But for Christmas 1995, we made our *big* present to all of us a large TV and our first VCR. It was so exciting on Christmas morning when the boys came running downstairs in pajamas and saw the huge (26"?) tube TV sitting there with a stack of Disney VHS tapes. We still didn't watch a whole lot of TV, but we did watch movies together! That big  monster of a television set moved with us until we landed here. And then one of the boys spilled orange juice down the front of it one day, and when it dried on the inner workings, none of the buttons would work anymore. We kept it anyway, all this time, but if we couldn't find the remote there was no way to turn it on, off, up, or down. When we got a newer TV, this one became my workout room entertainment. No more. Ah, the end of an era. The boys are all grown, half have moved out and the others probably will, too, within a couple of years. Time for the TV to go. I can watch my Kindle while I bike instead.

Not much else going on today; I have some chicken thawing on the counter to bake for dinner. There will be mashed potatoes for the kids, and I will have my chicken over a big green salad with spinach, Romaine, cukes, tomatoes, mushrooms, and broccoli. Then I'll bike again tonight.

I didn't weigh today, but I think I will soon. I want to be aware of what's going on without discouraging myself, so I am just staying on plan and hoping time will do the rest.

15 comments:

LHA said...

Lyn, this is just a guess, but I wonder if some of the questioning or negative remarks that your readers posted yesterday about your very small deviation from your eating plan have bummed you out somewhat. Sometimes our own self worth can be tied into being "perfect" and we just don't feel right about ourselves or our world unless we live up to that standard.

If that is the case, please set those feelings aside. You have made some really dramatic changes in your eating habits and your life. You have worked hard to eat well, exercise, come to grips with emotional eating and you also deal with being a single mother every day.

Give yourself a mental pat on the back and be proud of what you have accomplished. Don't worry about your weight, or what you ate yesterday or anything else. Just keep going in the right direction as you have been!

Jami Stakley said...

First, let me say how I admire your courage. You really put yourself out there. I have a question and I hope you won't be offended. Your weight has fluctuated quite a bit over the last couple of years. Did you gain back as soon as you went off the Medifast? I went back and read some of your blogs, but I was not sure. I could never lose that much weight so this is not a critique. I hope you are feeling better. You really are amazing.

Fair Enough said...

LHA-Everyone can eat what they choose, everyone has that choice. Lyn can eat at restaurants everyday if she wants, and if she feels she's making good choices.

However, people struggling with binging in the past tend to have a very hard time with just "moderate" deviations from plan. It's really awesome that you are able to eat in this way and not be overweight or struggling or whatever you would like to call it but for many that is not possible or realistic.

Also, when trying to actively lose, deviations really are a stab in the foot so to speak. It's only slowing down the process even more, and Lyn has repeatedly said she plans on "this being the year" and things like that...that she doesn't want to be trying at this forever but rather just DOING it and accomplishing it.

I think saying "don't worry about your weight" to someone who is overweight and struggling is kind of a double-edged sword. On one hand I *do* get what you're saying, and I don't think weight is the most important thing in the world (or the only indicator of health)...but, for someone who has made it clear that their weight is hindering their life (PF as well as emotionally)...the weight obviously DOES matter and it is something to worry about.

That's just my take. I see what you're saying, and I'm not 100% arguing against it or anything, but I think reality has to set in sometime and we all have to be real. Weight loss is very hard, maintaining is VERY hard...it's hard enough when you are 100% compliant to whatever plan all the time. I've been maintaining since I was a teen and it still isn't easy--too many slip-ups, and before you know it you're back into some old bad habits and it's hard to get back on track. It just isn't easy, at least not all of the time. It takes a lot of mental work and repetition.

So yes, do keep up the positive changes, Lyn...but if you are feeling uneasy about something, it might be for a good reason. Maybe you are realizing the Indian buffet wasn't 100% necessary and you could of done without it. Really use that information to move ahead and plan for next time.

You mentioned in a comment that you maybe are feeling kind of bored with what you're eating...look into those thoughts, try to work through them, work on incorporating new seasonal veggies and such into your dishes, perhaps. Spring really is coming now and that's going to make a lot more produce available.

Lyn said...

LHA~

I always appreciate your supportive comments. Thank you :)

Jami~

My weight has fluctuated a lot... 7 to 11 pounds in a week at times... even before I started Medifast. It seems to be worse if I go from low carb to high carb (water weight). When I stopped Medifast and added grains, fruit, dairy, potatoes, corn, etc back in (more rapidly than I should have), my hunger and cravings went through the roof and I was struggling to stay within a lower calorie range. I gained about 11 pounds back shortly thereafter. I didn't gain back all of the weight I lost on Medifast, but about 40 pounds. What I've learned from this is that I need to stay low carb, off sugar and grains for life, and always watch my carb levels in order to maintain.

Thank you also for the kind words :)

Lyn said...

Fair~

for sure it will get more exciting as the fresh produce starts to become available. Can't wait for the farmer's market! That should put some more variety into my meals.

I think, over all this time, I have learned that I need to strive for 100%... but also be okay with 95%. Problem is, then if the weight is not coming off, I wonder about that 5%. If I don't lose much this month, will I wonder if 3 tablespoons of curry sauce is what caused the stall? Well not really, but if it was a whole meal off plan and a dessert and maybe some cookies the next day, then I'd wonder. So I have to keep it reigned in and not let 3 tablespoons of curry sauce turn into something bigger or more frequent.

LHA said...

Fair Enough: First, let me say I envy you if you have had your weight under control and have been maintaining since you were a teen! I have had decades of up and down and up again. Good for you for being so successful!

I am not a weight loss expert. I can only speak from my own experience, and in many cases, my own mistakes and failures. When I said to Lyn "Don't worry about your weight" I meant that in the purest sense. Don't worry, because worrying and anxiety and obsession about the number on the scale has always led me to disaster. I have lost a significant amount of weight (over 50 lbs) without adherence to a strict, strict, plan and the main thing that has helped me is dumping the guilt and anxiety over every little crumb that enters my mouth. That doesn't mean that I don't think about what I eat or that I don't plan meals and limit portions and severely limit certain foods. It just means that I have finally learned that for me, deprivation is a sure way to future weight gain. I would LOVE to say I will always eat low carb and no sugar will ever enter my mouth under any circumstances (or follow any other diet plan 100%), but dozens of times I have done just that and let guilt and anxiety over one poor food choice sink my efforts. I don't want this to happen to Lyn or anyone else so I was just passing on the mindset that has helped me.

This is just me, and just my experience. Again, I congratulate you on your success and continued weight control. I wish the same or all of us!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes you have to realize the "good things" and put the negative on the back burner.. Look how far you have come! With the weight loss, a newer t.v, the kids growing up,self-awareness, to many to name I am sure!:) keep it up!

Traveling Light said...

Keep your chin up, Lyn, and don't let 3 TB of anything or sophomoric* comments throw you into that on and off again cycle.

*Sophomores, the words mean "wise fools", think they know an awful lot about just about everything. They've seen it all. When they get to about 40 years of age, they'll realize know a lot less than they think they do now...but what they know likely have some substance, and a lot less pride involved.

Just sayin, having been a sophomore myself a very long time ago.

Deb

Karen said...

Pants. Get and extra pair or two that fit. Second hand store, eBay , etc. especially the jeans. Having a pair of jeans/ pants that fit is key. Stretchy pants could send "eat off plan messages.

You had the choice to stay on plan. You have the choice today, too.

Anonymous said...

Agree with LHA 100%. You're doing super! Very creditable

Fair Enough said...

LHA-I'm not 100% strict all the time, either, don't get me wrong. However, I think when actively losing you really need to stick to 100% as close as possible. Once you're maintaining, you kind of figure out your limits after awhile. I've *mostly* figured out the level that I can "indulge" at without gaining and it's not very high, but it does leave a little wiggle room during social events, holidays, etc. Everyone is different, though, and some people just have a harder time losing weight. It also depends on activity level, personal genetics, and a lot of other things.

I also get the impression that since Medifast *is* a pretty strict plan with lots of rules (way more rules than I think I have...I eat whatever fruits and veggies I want, for example)..that coming off-plan is a bigger deal and worse for weight loss than someone who is just generally lowering calories and trying to eat healthfully in a very broad sense. It's kind of like people who are on very low-carb plans-From what I've read on here, it seems they have one seemingly small deviation and that leads to a lot of issues, bloating, weight gain. It just seems if you choose to be on a plan like that, you have to be way more careful about indulgence.

Also, I have maintained my weight for a long time but it hasn't been easy and I have fluctuated over the years due to lots of things-serious surgery being one of them. I aim to be in a set-range and clothing size though more than a specific weight. To be in my ideal range I have be fairly active and pretty "strict" on a day to day basis. There can be a little wiggle room as I said before, but not much, and not very frequently. When I was actively losing I did not have any deviations at all-which might sound kind of loony but I was just *that* determined and fed-up with not liking my looks.

Sorry so long, just wanted to clear up that I am NOT completely perfect all the time....but I do have to be strict MOST of the time, meaning most all days of the month for me personally.

Fair Enough said...

PS-I definitely don't know everything in terms of weight loss but I've maintained my weight loss since 2003. Trust me, that is no easy feat. For close to a year out of this time I was recovering from surgery and unable to do a lot. I started walking very short distances once I had the strength but for some time that's all I could really do. I haven't achieved all of my goals in life but I have achieved this one. I'm 100% dedicated to being healthy and respecting my body. It's so much easier to move forward in life when you feel somewhat ok with how you look and are in good health.

I am proud of myself for what I've accomplished, and overcoming what I've overcome. I was a binge-eater in the past and pretty out of control. I fought my way out of it and it took years, really, to change some of my broken thought-patterns.

So, do I know everything EVER about weight loss? No. Is my body absolutely perfect and without flaws? No. I'm not a fitness model, lol, or bodybuilder. I'm just a normal person that has overcome some struggles and never wants to go back to where I was. I do, however, know quite a bit about weight loss and maintaining said weight loss. The same exact thing doesn't work for *everyone*, but some general principles and guidelines are pretty helpful for most all. Some people can get away with being less strict, some can't-After a while you start to figure out where you fall.

Anonymous said...

OMG, "three tablespoons" of curry is NOT going to create a stall. You know this, Lyn.

jae

Lyn said...

I appreciate the insightful comments and dialogue, guys.

jae~

absolutely, which is what I said in my comment above to Fair.

Fair~

agreed that I have to be more strict with Medifast. Mainly, any amount of carbs or sugar can cause a water gain and knocks me out of the mild ketosis state that Medifast promotes. Thus any off plan choices *need* to be low carb/very limited carb to minimize their effect. No rice, naan, potatoes etc.

I want to be 100% perfect, but frankly, if I don't give myself *any* leeway, I get emotionally stressed and am more likely to make a BIG blunder like a donut or something. That's why I choose to occasionally have a *small* low carb indulgence, like the sauce, or maybe a slice of bacon in my salad.

GRB said...

Lyn,
I too, have boxes of clothes that don't fit. However, I have found some good stuff on craigslist and freecycle.org for FREE! Get yourself a new pair of pants. You deserve them.
I found this affirmation that you might find helpful: "I will persist until I succeed."
I especially liked the post the day after this one. You are a strong person; you can do this for however long it takes.