Saturday, March 30, 2013

Easter Candy

I'm feeling really happy today, probably in part due to the nice spring weather and sunshine. I got outside and trained my dog for more than an hour, which was fun but hard on my feet. Now I am sitting with them up, hoping they don't hurt too badly when I get up to walk around.

Yesterday I went out to get the Easter shopping done. In years past, Easter has been a very emotionally charged holiday for me. I wrote about that a lot on my blog in the early years... about how when I was a small child I was suddenly not allowed to celebrate Easter anymore. All the writing, thinking, and processing of those emotions over the past five years helped me *so* much. I no longer see all the Easter candy and "special" foods and feel left out, rejected, deprived, and sad. I no longer have tears well up when I see a chocolate bunny and want to bite its ears off. It's become just food to me... non-emotional food. Yet there is still that little brain voice that says "but it's special!! You can ONLY get it at this time of year! If you don't get those Cadbury eggs NOW, then you won't be able to have them at all for a whole year!" It's a very quiet, easily-squashed voice, but it's there. Yesterday as I was shopping for Easter basket candy for my kids, I didn't have a single thought of what would *I* like to eat. Unlike years past when I would pile all of *my* favorites into the shopping cart under the guise of it being for my children, yesterday I just picked up what I knew were the kids' favorites and got *just enough* for an Easter egg hunt and moderate baskets. Since we don't buy candy aside from holidays, it doesn't take a lot. I paid for my purchases and as I was walking towards the store exit, I passed a stand with some Reeses Easter candy displayed. And all of a sudden there was the voice. "Oh my gosh, WHITE chocolate Reeses eggs?? Oh I have to have those, I won't be able to get them when Easter is over, what if they don't make them next year? Oh I really need to have those!" And as my brain was saying this stuff, my feet just kept on walking to the exit, past the display, and out to my car. By the time I was outside, the voice had stopped and I no longer cared one speck about those dumb eggs. Did you know I don't even *like* white chocolate? Yet I spent *years* eating various different white chocolate items when I was morbidly obese, trying to *make* myself like it... trying to find the "yum" factor in white chocolate. Like my hate affair with red velvet cake, I just felt driven to like it because I should. Because everyone else says it is soooo good. But you know, white chocolate just tastes like old wax to me. Even the "good" stuff. Now that I get that, I don't have to keep torturing myself about white chocolate. It is okay for me to just not like it!

The other thing that's different is this: I don't *care* if they have all the special Easter candies again next year. I am no longer chomping at the bit to get off my diet so I can eat candy again. I don't *want* to eat candy again. You know why? Because I think it will kill me. It has taken me a long, LONG time to truly get to this point, but I finally do look at sugar as a poison. When I eat it, I feel horrible: tired, depressed, and sore. My joints ache and my heart pounds. I get headaches and my skin breaks out. I get emotional. And what do I want? More! More, more, more poison. I do not think it is far fetched to say that it could literally kill me if I went from my current low GI, non-sugared state to a binge on candy bars. I think it affects my heart and obviously my blood sugar. So although I do miss the taste of those candy bars and "treats," I am not eating them. I miss the taste of shrimp, too, but I am allergic so I don't eat that, either, no matter how tempted I get.

I'm doing fine on Medifast, I feel good. Tomorrow we are having spiral sliced (non-glazed) ham, fresh steamed asparagus, salad, and perhaps some mashed cauliflower for our Easter dinner. And I'm looking forward to my weigh-in on Monday.

Happy Easter!

15 comments:

Lori said...

I had the same voice pestering me about those cadbury eggs that are only available at Easter. I kept on walking too. I've learned that if I try to debate the voice or squash the voice it gets more insistent. Now I just ignore it.

I can't say that I have come as far as you as saying sugar is poison. I do know that too much sugar puts me in to a depression. I avoid it and one day, I hope to be as strong as you as to have none of it. No artificial sweeteners either eventually.

Good luck with your feet and WI.
Lori

Deb Willbefree said...

I'm a bit confused...and I don't think you'll mind my asking.

It was my understanding that JWs celebrated Easter. In fact, in this area--I'm almost certain--thee's a huge convocation in which thousands of JWs gather to celebrate the resurrection together.

Granted, I doubt that the Easter Bunny is involved, but isn't there a celebration of some kind?

Am I confused about that?

Lyn said...

Deb~

I don't mind :)
The only thing JWs celebrate is the "Memorial." It is in April every year, and the celebration involves inviting everyone you know to come to a meeting where they pass around bread and wine for the "anointed ones" (very few people) to partake in. At least, that's how they did it during my childhood and youth. They do this once a year. There was never any actual sense of celebration, but it was a holy day to remember the death of Jesus. The whole meeting took about an hour and we didn't do anything special on that day outside of that hour long meeting.

Deb Willbefree said...

Ohhhh. I had a client who, when explaining their lack of holiday celebrations, stated that he only holiday they observed was Easter. She did call it the Memorial, now that you mention it, but did describe it as remembering the death and resurrection of Jesus.

I guess I must have added the "celebrating" part on my own. :} Seriously, how could you not have outrageous rejoicing over the fact that God paid the price for your sins, gave you His righteousness as your own, and sealing your redemption.

Uh-hmm. Easter is my favorite holiday. :} I'm sad to know that the glorious victory resurrection reveals can be "remembered" without joy.

Parents can mean so well, yet have such negative impact. I often asked god to bridge the gap between the parent I was and the parent my children needed me to be.

Happy Easter, Lyn. He IS risen!

Vickie said...

If you are only weighing once a month, I am not sure it should be the day after you eat ham. Either weigh before you eat it, or flush with water or 3days and then weigh.

Lyn said...

Thank you Deb :) May you have a blessed Easter as well!

Vickie~

I had that thought myself! Not sure yet what I am going to do with the weigh-ins going forward. I am leaning towards going back to weekly, but if I do have a gain on the first I will definitely weigh again a few days later. And I am going to be drinking lots of water with my 5 ounces of ham!

Steelers6 said...

Sounds like you are doing well & focused! Yay!

I'm starting to recognize sugar as a headache. Doesn't always happen for me, but sometimes consuming sugar equals a headache. Now I just need to remember & view that stuff as Mr. Yuk. :)

Enjoy your family time & have a wonderful Easter! I hope all the boys could make it home. Mine will be. Yay!

Happy Easter everyone! The grave is empty!
Chrissy

Lyn said...

Chrissy~

I have 4 of my 5 kids home for Easter! We'll call the oldest who is away at college/working.

Happy Easter to you too!

Kaki said...

Congratulations on remembering the fact that Easter candy makes you feel bad. Sometimes I have to re-learn these lessons the hard way. I, too, sometimes have the same thought, "When will I have the opportunity to have this again?" The implied scarcity made it hard to pass it up.

Also, I am right there with you on the white chocolate. If it's white, it's NOT chocolate! There's no such thing!! I only indulge in high% cacao chocolate every once in a while. I savor it, and it has a higher melting point, so I can roll it around my mouth even longer! I DO understand your thinking of sugar as poison... I agree, but I'm not sure I can ever give up an occasional Ghirardelli dark square :)

Lyn said...

Kaki~

I'm planning on transitioning to Paleo in maintenance and I will probably also enjoy a square of 85-90% dark chocolate once in awhile. There's very little sugar in that!

Karen said...

I just blogged about this being my second "Sober" Easter. Glad you are off your addictive substances.

Easter Candy is particularly bad stuff for me. They say there are "no bad foods". I disagree. This food kept me hooked for years.

Keep food sober no matter what. I used to visualize the words- "Obseity" and "Diabetes" labeled on the food itself.

You don't want the jelly beans or peeps when you think first of the disease that they cause.

Onward. Karen P.

Caron said...

I don't like white chocolate either. I noticed Easter candy at Walmart a couple of days ago but I haven't bought any of it since my kids were little which is 20 years ago. My oldest daughter wrote me last night that she and her husband bought some Cadbury eggs but I've never had one. :)

MargieAnne said...

Funny! I have just realised I have not even thought about typical Easter Food that would normally be around. I think I might ha
ve mentioned it in my Blog last week.

I've seen nothing in the shops to tempt me. There was a time when I would make repeat purchases of chocolate Easter eggs for the children because I kept eating them.

It's good to be free.

Blessings

Lauren said...

Lyn, I thought of you the other day when I was in the grocery store. I was REALLY craving some salty chips and sugary candy like licorice. I circled the chip aisle twice, trying to figure out if I could eat some chips in the car on my way home without my husband noticing I'd broken my diet. I thought, "Maybe I will just go down the chip aisle, just to see what they have." I was SO close to doing it. Then I thought of the times you just force yourself to walk past and don't even acknowledge the crazy voice. I realized seeing the chips would be acknowledging the crazy voice. So I just left the store and put it out of my mind. I know for sure I wouldn't even remember eating those chips, but I do remember the sense of pride I felt in ignoring the crazy voice.

Lyn said...

Lauren~

that is really great! I am so glad you shared that with me. You inspired me back :) Next time I hear that little voice, I will remember YOU doing it, and that I did it before, and just keep walking. We got this!