Sunday, February 24, 2013

Indiscretions

Yesterday, after 3 solid weeks of being on plan with Medifast, I ate too many carbs. I have been super strict with my plan because without the calorie counting or the feedback from the scale, I *need* to know I am doing everything right and not messing around with extra bits of this and that (protein, nuts, maybe a slice of low fat cheese). I measure my vegetables, I weigh my meat, I don't add a ton of condiments to my Medifast meals. Yesterday PMS hit and I veered off plan for the first time since I restarted Medifast: I ate some potatoes, a slice of French bread, and 5 sugar free chocolates. The exterior, obvious 'why' is basically 1) cravings, 2) opportunity, and 3) a little bit of rebellion thrown in there. It was not enough calories to make much difference in the big picture, *as long as* I get right back on plan, which I have. But what it DID make a difference in is my mood and energy. While part of that could be the time of month, it is much too coincidental that after I ate this stuff, I felt sluggish and blah. I noticed that instead of the positivity I have enjoyed this month, the doom and gloom thoughts started to enter in. Instead of peaceful sleep, I had a nightmare that I was running through Office Depot with a giant bag of trash, trying to find a place to hide it behind printers and paper reams on the shelves. And instead of waking up energized this morning, I woke in a mental and emotional fog with a slight headache. PMS, maybe. Carbs, wheat, artificial sweetener overload? Most likely. My body sure didn't like what I ate.

Weigh-in is coming up in only five days. I *do* feel confident there will be a loss, but then the doubts creep in... there *should* be a loss, but what if there's not? Does it mean there's something wrong with me? Does it mean I have cancer, like the lady who said that she was doing Medifast 100% on plan but not losing weight, and a few people hassled her that she *must* be lying about what she is really eating, or she *must* not be weighing her food correctly... and then it turned out she had cancer and THAT is why she was not losing (fluid buildup)? My mother died from cancer. She had fluid buildup like that, and wondered why she wasn't losing weight. Or what if my metabolism really is "broken" in some way, even though blood tests say I am fine? I start freaking out about "what if" because while ALL logic and my mind tells me "you HAVE to have lost weight from a month on plan," what if I don't? And maybe, just maybe that scared part of my brain was a factor in the off plan eating yesterday. Because now I have something to blame it on. Now if I have a bad weigh in, I can pin it on the chocolates or the French bread and on my own weakness rather than worrying that there is something seriously, medically wrong with me. Much less stressful.

Self-reflection is a key to success, I think. If we don't uncover the real reasons we do the things we do... if we always just throw our hands up and blame it on the cheesecake... we won't be able to change our *reactions* to the foods that we eat in a nonsensical way, meaning, the foods we logically do not WANT to eat because they hinder our success or cause us pain, but that end up in our mouths anyway. In order to totally stop that behavior, we have to know what drives it. That's the only way I was able to stop the binges, and it's likely the way I will make my "indiscretions" with food fewer and farther between. Once a month would probably be a record for me! And now, understanding what is really going on with me, I can mentally address it and avoid more indiscretions... at least this month.

Today's dinner will be leftover cabbage beef soup. And I am very hopeful that the carb fog will lift shortly and I will get my energy and positivity back today.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't understand how you can say this is the first time you've veered off plan since you restarted Medifast?

You ate off plan while you were traveling in January and you were on Medifast then. I believe there were other days in January when you said you ate off plan also.

I'm not trying to be mean, I just think accountability and remembering accurately is an important part of losing the weight and keeping it off.

Anonymous said...

You don't even know what your weigh in is yet. Please don't jump ahead to cancer. If your weigh in is not what you want and you still think that might be the reason you should definitely seek medical help.

If all you ate was a few potatoes and one slice of bread it should hardly affect your weigh in at all. You have five days to get any water weight off. Good luck.

Lyn said...

Anonymous 1~

I should have been more clear, since I have restarted Medifast several times in the past 2 years. I meant my most recent restart of Medifast, after being sick and unable to eat much during the first week of February. I blogged about that and you are welcome to go back and read it if you like!

Anonymous 2~

Obviously it is not a logical thought; logical thinking rarely drives people to make poor eating choices. I think digging deeper to the somewhat subconscious, lurking fears we have is a good way to bring it to the surface and dispel thinking that makes little sense. Self exam of sorts :)

Anonymous said...

You are doing just fine. No one is 100% perfect so don't worry about one day off. I am excited to see you reach your goal weight and I believe it will be this year. Keep going!

Amanda

Karen said...

Get that free health coach. If medifast will not provide one ask your followers for free one.

You can leverage your very large platform of followers for the free medifast coach.

Lots of irrational beliefs guiding your choices. IMO wish you safe travels. Don't go this alone a good therapist in good health coach or life coach can take you where you want to go

Anonymous said...

Part of why Medifast is successful is because it is low carb and promotes ketosis. So eating more carbs could very well have an impact on the scale by knocking you out of ketosis and taking a few days to get back there. I agree with anonymous 1.

Lyn said...

Karen~

I am not part of TSFL, which I am told provides the free health coaches. I have been contacted by a couple of health coaches but when I express interest, they tell me I need to make purchases through them in order for them to be my coach.

Karen said...

Have you tried negotiating with the coaches? Have you tried leveraging your 3000+ readers with a life coach in trade for advertising? Don't go this thing alone. Many life coaches do Skype sessions.

A real life counselor could give you 1 month assignments.

You'll need help with different issues as you go. Right now , more self examination is likely to keep you where you are. IMO.

Removing those barriers. Never easy. Always worth it.

MargieAnne said...

Sorry you had a Hungry day due to PMS. You managed it pretty well I think.

Maybe to avoid the carbs you could be prepared with a couple of extra protein snacks and maybe some dark chocolate or maybe a bowl of VLC soup. Definitely choose non-trigger foods.

It's so hard to bypass the bread and potato when that's what you are serving family. One of the advantages of my age is No More PMS *smiles* Even so I do have carb hungry days and then kick myself later. Funnily enough sometimes they actually kick off a weight loss but not sure why that is. The great danger is that a carb hungry day becomes two then three and so on undoing all the previous healthy eating.

Keep on affirming that you are doing well in the food department. I can't wait for your next weigh in. Here's hoping it will reflect your determination.

Blessings

Anonymous said...

Lyn, I hope you feel better today. I do think that your feeling of "unwellness" after eating more carbs is mostly psychological rather than physical. Just my opinion. Take care!

LHA said...

What an interesting group of comments. All of us who are veterans of the diet wars have our own opinions based on our own experiences.

In my experience a day here and there of slightly off plan eating is probably unavoidable. I try to look at it as "immunization" against a complete breakdown. It used to trigger a binge due to guilt and remorse. Now, I accept it as part of life, shrug and go back to doing my best as soon as I can. This strategy serves me better than anything else I have tried.

Just to add my voice to the comments about a counselor or life coach, if you can do this, great. I will have to say, however, that I have a psychologist, a psychiatrist and a nutritional counselor and I am still struggling at times. I hope if you do find some counseling of some type it will be helpful, but it probably can only be considered one more tool to use. It certainly can't hurt anything and hopefully it would be useful to you. Good luck, and keep up the good work!

soursour said...

To be completely blunt and honest, you seem to see doctors/etc VERY frequently. You get a lot of blood work done and things like that. I don't "know" you personally, but you see doctors more than anyone I know. Far more than I ever have in my life or anyone in my family.

I know it's not *all* for just you but I'm assuming a great deal of it is. The PF, etc, it all adds up. You had pretty intensive blood tests done recently.

That said, I think if there was some sort of big health scare you WOULD know at least something at this point. I know things can go undetected but I'm trying to be really realistic and logical. I think it helps to hear something like that in this situation.
You are far from being in the dark as far as knowing what's going on in your body. If there was something wrong that would be making it physically impossible for you to lose weight at this point, I REALLY think you would know.

It sounds like you have some underlying issues with sickness/illnesses or at least excessive worrying about health. I don't know you so obviously I don't know exactly what to classify it as but it honestly seems to hinder you. I'm sure it has something to do with what happened with your mother/her illness. I think it really would help to talk to someone about these issues-they obviously are causing your anguish and pain. It seems like it would be a really hard way to live. I have my own issues with depression-Everyone has their own thing. I get it-It just sounds like you can really used someone to talk to that can help you sort out those irrational thought patterns.

Lyn said...

soursour~

thank you for the thoughtful comment. I agree, it is an irrational fear, which is why I think it helps to bring it to light and dispel it. I don't *really* believe I have cancer, or anything else major going on. It is that little nagging fear in the back of my mind, the "what if" (probably, as you mentioned, because of my mother's death) that I don't even realize is there until I dig it up. Then I put it out there and see it for what it really is.

I did see a therapist both after I was divorced from my first husband and again after my mother's death, and both were helpful.

Re: many dr visits, yes, I was getting a lot of sinus infections and saw a couple doctors for the PF, the arthritis, plus going to PT. Not my favorite thing to do, but I go when I have to.

Salena Allyn said...

I really think that weighing only once a month can be just as stressful as weighing more often---there's more build up, more expectation and a lot less accountability in between weigh-ins. I understand your reasons, but at the same time I truly believe weighing so infrequently is just adding to your stress and lack of accountability.

(Btw---I appreciate you putting yourself *out there* for all of us--I've followed your journey for some time)

h2oratt said...

you are human, just move on, we will never be "perfect" at least not in this life time

Medifast now employees a behaviorist
his name is Nick, i bet you could consult with him. it is basically behavior modification we are aiming for.
another helpful thing for me is listening to the supportcallsonline.com they are archived and alot of time I just listen to the drs call. for some reason it helps me to hear others talk about their struggles, plus i have gotten really good advice at times.

Lyn said...

h2oratt~

yes, Nick is a very helpful guy :) I have talked to him a few times. Maybe I will chat with him again. Thanks for the reminder!

Anonymous said...

I've never left a comment on your blog before, but I've been reading it for a few months now and I just wanted to say that I think you're doing great. Weight loss isn't the easy thing we think it is and every little hiccup is just an opportunity to figure out works and what doesn't. I have a lot of the same issues around food and I look forward to reading more of your blog :)

Leslie said...

Wow Lyn - I'm late to the party here, but this post really spoke to me. I have long had "health anxiety" issues and when you talked about having a food indiscretion to blame a less than "worthy" weigh in on, therefore not having to fear a major health concern, it hit me right between the eyes. I know I do that. I haven't thought of it lately, but you reminded me that I've been sort of emotionally triggered this winter by a bunch of issues, and eating is my go to strategy that just doesn't work at all. Really doesn't even provide temporary relief anymore.

I read you all the time, though comment rarely. I really identify with a lot of your struggle and your thought processing. I'm rooting for you and seriously believe you're moving in the right direction.

CatherineMarie said...

The sluggishness sounds like gluten-fog. Maybe the next time you slip, try to avoid slipping with gluten at least...you might have less of an issue with the blearghs....