Yesterday, after 3 solid weeks of being on plan with Medifast, I ate too many carbs. I have been super strict with my plan because without the calorie counting or the feedback from the scale, I *need* to know I am doing everything right and not messing around with extra bits of this and that (protein, nuts, maybe a slice of low fat cheese). I measure my vegetables, I weigh my meat, I don't add a ton of condiments to my Medifast meals. Yesterday PMS hit and I veered off plan for the first time since I restarted Medifast: I ate some potatoes, a slice of French bread, and 5 sugar free chocolates. The exterior, obvious 'why' is basically 1) cravings, 2) opportunity, and 3) a little bit of rebellion thrown in there. It was not enough calories to make much difference in the big picture, *as long as* I get right back on plan, which I have. But what it DID make a difference in is my mood and energy. While part of that could be the time of month, it is much too coincidental that after I ate this stuff, I felt sluggish and blah. I noticed that instead of the positivity I have enjoyed this month, the doom and gloom thoughts started to enter in. Instead of peaceful sleep, I had a nightmare that I was running through Office Depot with a giant bag of trash, trying to find a place to hide it behind printers and paper reams on the shelves. And instead of waking up energized this morning, I woke in a mental and emotional fog with a slight headache. PMS, maybe. Carbs, wheat, artificial sweetener overload? Most likely. My body sure didn't like what I ate.
Weigh-in is coming up in only five days. I *do* feel confident there will be a loss, but then the doubts creep in... there *should* be a loss, but what if there's not? Does it mean there's something wrong with me? Does it mean I have cancer, like the lady who said that she was doing Medifast 100% on plan but not losing weight, and a few people hassled her that she *must* be lying about what she is really eating, or she *must* not be weighing her food correctly... and then it turned out she had cancer and THAT is why she was not losing (fluid buildup)? My mother died from cancer. She had fluid buildup like that, and wondered why she wasn't losing weight. Or what if my metabolism really is "broken" in some way, even though blood tests say I am fine? I start freaking out about "what if" because while ALL logic and my mind tells me "you HAVE to have lost weight from a month on plan," what if I don't? And maybe, just maybe that scared part of my brain was a factor in the off plan eating yesterday. Because now I have something to blame it on. Now if I have a bad weigh in, I can pin it on the chocolates or the French bread and on my own weakness rather than worrying that there is something seriously, medically wrong with me. Much less stressful.
Self-reflection is a key to success, I think. If we don't uncover the real reasons we do the things we do... if we always just throw our hands up and blame it on the cheesecake... we won't be able to change our *reactions* to the foods that we eat in a nonsensical way, meaning, the foods we logically do not WANT to eat because they hinder our success or cause us pain, but that end up in our mouths anyway. In order to totally stop that behavior, we have to know what drives it. That's the only way I was able to stop the binges, and it's likely the way I will make my "indiscretions" with food fewer and farther between. Once a month would probably be a record for me! And now, understanding what is really going on with me, I can mentally address it and avoid more indiscretions... at least this month.
Today's dinner will be leftover cabbage beef soup. And I am very hopeful that the carb fog will lift shortly and I will get my energy and positivity back today.
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