I have so many mixed feelings about this whole month of not tracking and staying off the scale.
On one hand, it is liberating... freeing. I just follow the plan and don't change it based on the fickle scale feedback. I feel *great* and don't have to think much about food, weight, or diet. On the other hand, I miss the feedback, fickle or not! I have had moments where I think to myself "gosh, I don't feel any thinner. I feel bloated. My pants are not any looser" and I want to weigh and see what's going on. But then I think, "so, if you haven't lost any weight, what are you going to do? If you see a 216, 217, 218, what will your response be?" Well, I know how I would feel. My happy, energetic mood would plummet to despair I'd start feeling like a failure. And contrary to the rational, logical response of either continuing on or tweaking a few things in a healthier direction, I'd probably go eat ice cream. Not reasonable, but realistically that has been my classic response to a bad weigh-in after what *I* think is a perfect stretch of eating well. I mean, thinking about how I have been eating, I would guess I have lost at least a few pounds, but what if I haven't? It's upsetting. I do sometimes let it get to me. So why risk pushing myself towards unhealthy eating when I am doing so well lately? And that's why I stay off the scale. I do worry about what I will do if my March 1 weigh in is not very good... but I also know I *need* to weigh at least once a month, even if just for medical feedback. I will use that number to reassess what I am doing and make changes if need be. I think the feedback after a month or 5 weeks is way less fickle than what I get by weighing weekly or daily... even though I do prefer the weekly weigh in.
This week, I got my first unsolicited, weight-related compliment in many months. A friend I hadn't seen in 2 or 3 weeks came over and immediately looked me up and down and said "hey, you look like you're losing weight!" Frankly I was shocked. Do you know how long it's been since ANYONE has commented on my weight?? A very, very long time. Yeah, I was getting loads of gushing compliments back when I was going down the scale towards 175, but once I started to regain, people shut right up. Not a word has been uttered. I hate it. So I was very surprised when she said that to me. I almost didn't have a response! "Well yeah, I mean, no, I mean maybe? I am way fatter than I was a year ago but not as fat as I was 2 or 3 months ago?" I didn't say that. I just said, "eh, it's up and down, you know, always working on it but it's a battle." And she smiled and agreed. But it did make me feel good that maybe I am looking a bit thinner these days.
What I've been eating this week: grilled chicken breast with sauteed mushrooms and steamed broccoli, lean beef taco salad, steak and mashed cauliflower, tuna, asparagus, roasted green beans, and spaghetti squash with tomatoes and light cheese. Tonight I am making cabbage soup with ground beef, and tomorrow I'll be making steaks.
I am almost done with my month of meloxicam (for my feet) and sadly, it didn't fix my plantar fasciitis. I do feel better when I am off my feet but the minute I have an active day, they are sore again. I have just about given up and resigned myself to living with the pain forever. I have gotten conflicting advice about getting the cortisone shots in my feet, and am going to wait another month before I decide about that. I am still doing all the stuff they say I am supposed to do and wearing supportive footwear all the time, but I still have to really limit time on my feet. My "last hope" is twofold: 1) weight going down will allow it to heal, and/or 2) time will fix it. Or maybe, a third possibility: my new MTHFR supplements will help it heal.
It is gloomy and grey out today but I bought myself a pot of bright yellow tulips that's sitting on the dining room table bringing in the springtime cheer. I have lots to do today and then am looking forward to a fun weekend with my children. It is so, so quiet during the week; I am sitting in the living room right now and all I hear is the wind outside and the dogs' gentle breathing as they sleep at my feet. So quiet and nice, but I prefer the weekend chatter and laughter of my family around me.
Enjoy your weekend!
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