Monday, December 31, 2012

Thank You

This is the most low key, uneventful New Years Eve I have had in years. Like 25 years, at least. I am sitting here with my feet on an old HoMedics foot massager that I've had for ages but was packed away in a box for a long time. I finally found it today and wow, it feels so good. Maybe it will help my foot pain. Anyway, I was going to make steak and potatoes and salad for dinner tonight, but since three of my kids are absent at the moment, I am going to let everyone have sandwiches. I'll make the steak dinner tomorrow night, when four of my five kids will be here to enjoy it. 

Every year for as long as I can remember, NYE and New Years Day have been a huge buffet of appetizers and then a nice dinner. I've always put out a big spread of fancy cheeses, meats, different kinds of summer sausages, cheese balls, dips, crackers, hummus, chips, veggie sticks, olives, and spreads. I always made those sausage cheese ball appetizers and a crock pot full of cocktail weenies in BBQ sauce, too. This is the first year I can remember in my adult life that I have not made at least some of that stuff. And I have no plans to make any of it, either. There's no reason... I know I would want to eat it all myself. I know I would overdo it. The kids are just as happy with normal meals. So I am letting it go. I don't have to "make it festive." Besides, I am tired and just want to sit and relax and drink tea tonight and then tomorrow, play some board games and do crafts. Nothing major.

Let me tell you something. I love my blog. It's a huge labor of love... a giant project that has a life of its own now. I have taken very few breaks from blogging, even when I sort of felt like I had nothing to say. I always come back and 'chat' with my friends... you all... and feel SO good that I am being heard. Yes, for once in my life, I am being heard. I love that and it validates my being. I am not sure if that will make sense to many of you, but if you know about my religious upbringing and background, and how unworthy I often felt, you might understand. All those times as a child that I was invisible... all those days in my early married years when I was treated as a non-person or told how disposable I was... all those years thinking I did not matter and feeling that no one would even notice if I was gone... well, as silly as it may sound, blogging has helped heal a lot of that. It has given me strength and self-love, confidence and courage. Kind of like going to college did... putting forth my best and seeing that "A" handwritten on my papers was so, so validating. I was *not* an idiot. I was *not* worthless. There was something so amazing about being on the honor roll at 32 years old... about winning scholarships and being in the honor society... about wearing that special golden sash as I walked to the stage and graduated with honors in front of my clapping children. It faded so many scars of the past. I realized: they were wrong about me. I am somebody. I am capable. I do exist. And blogging feels the same way to me. I thank you for being a part of that.

And so I'll blog and continue to chronicle my weight, my life, my thoughts. I hope to have less reruns and more trailblazing adventures in 2013. I am satisfied that I will have them, not alone, but with my sweet children, my furry pups, and all of you.

Happy New Year :)

13 comments:

Desert Singer said...

Rock on 2013. Lyn, you're such an inspiration, and that you 'put it out there' no-frills feelings - the good and bad just makes you so open for us to love you.

Enjoy the foot massage... and the crafting tomorrow sounds great! :D :D

Theresa said...

Happy New Year Lyn! I read your blog every day...... I can't say that about any other blog out there. You do matter, you do have lots to say. :)

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for 1+ years now. I just want to tell you that I am grateful for your perspective and willingness to put your struggles and successes out there for all of us to see. I feel like I can relate, having ups and downs and it not being linear and a 'total success' as far as weight loss goes. But you know what? That is how it goes for a lot of people, and you are a voice to many of us who will never be the perfect weight loss story and really, who cares? I am happy to read about your triumphs and hope that you have many more to come. As long as we keep hoping and trying and don't give up, our lives will be better. Happy New Year Lynn :) And thank you for just putting yourself out there to be an inspiration - you are!!

Shelley said...

Happy New Year, Lyn - may 2013 be kind to you!

Gwen said...

Happy new year, Lyn! You are wonderful, and I'm glad to have found you again. :: hugs ::

Deb Willbefree said...

Happy New Year, Lyn!

You're a gem.

Deb

Dreaming of New Me said...

I just love reading your posts. Thank you for being an inspiration

h2oratt said...

Happy new year
We do matter!!!!

Diana said...

Thank you Lyn. I would give you an A++++++ anytime. You will never know how much sharing your life has helped others. We are all in this struggle called life together. Wishing you and your family a Happy and Healthy New Year.
Diana

Anonymous said...

Your blog has inspired me more then anything I have ever read. I also see your patterns and I am predicting a huge weight loss for you this year! My prediction - one year from now you will be in the 160s or less! THANK YOU for sharing your life with us.

from Katherine

Megan S @ gourmet or go home said...

Lyn,
You, perhaps most of all the bloggers I read, have a place in my thoughts. I am so rooting for you and your family. Happy New Year!
Megan

Lori said...

I am glad you are getting the validation you need. Because you ARE a great person. You are strong and courageous.

Have a fabulous 2013.
Lori

ZeroCalorieKid said...

I second the motion that this year will be more adventurous than the last!!