Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Numbers, and the Blog

This morning, I stepped on the scale and saw 214.


If you've been around here long or have read back over my blog, you know what a significant number 214 is to me. It was the low weight I reached after working so hard at changing my life, counting calories, and exercising back in 2008. It was the lowest I got... a 64-pound loss from the start of this blog... before going back up the hell scale. Actually, I only weighed 214 for about 3 days before the scale rocketed back up into the 220's. That hurt. Because do you know how hard I worked to get there? It took me almost *six weeks* to just get from 218 to 214! I clawed my way to 214 and then just like that, it was out of reach again.

It became a magic number of sorts, that 214. I remember how it felt... the trip to the coast that summer, the amazing feeling of being so "thin"... and it *was* thin, to me, after having been 278 pounds and suffering so much at that weight. And oh I had suffered. That magical 214 was what I dreamed of getting back to... what I longed for in the regain. And when I got back there *finally* in April 2010, I only stayed for 2 short days, but this time the scale kept going downward.

I also looked back on my calendar and the last time I weighed 214 was in mid-May. I've been higher ever since, hovering around 217 most of the time for the past 7 months. And I don't think it's any coincidence that my plantar fasciitis came back in March right after my weight jumped from 207 up to 214. No plantar fasciitis at 207... horrible plantar fasciitis at 214 and above. I'm still in daily pain from it. Maybe as the weight falls and the PT continues, my foot pain will finally go away again.

I find the whole thing boring anymore. I like numbers. I have always liked looking at stats and facts. But it was a lot more interesting the first time down the scale, and even the second time. But this time I just look at the numbers and think, "I just need to get out of the 200's and out of this pain." I am sick of it, bored with it, none of it is interesting to me anymore. The food is the same, the feelings are nothing new... I've been through this before. So now there is not a whole lot of emotion or excitement or new discoveries going on as I am losing. It's the same as last time, and just like last time on Medifast the food and diet stuff is fading into the background and my life is becoming more about my life. And I want it that way.

I am not so sure I have a lot to say about this stage of the weight loss anymore. I said it all last time. For the first time in my five and a half years on this journey, I've struggled to find things to blog about. My kids, my life, little details and the nitty gritty, a recipe here and there... but nothing really new anymore. And I wonder how that's going to pan out in the coming months. We'll see.

I know I'll have new experiences and discoveries as I get closer to my old low of 175. But that'll be awhile. In the meantime, I'll at least keep posting numbers and I'll see where my heart takes me.


Karen said...

I think that you'll find things to blog about, as time goes. This "quiet mind" time was the time I could look back at my gains, then look to my future for the steps to take .

Use the time to get your goals with the pup, with your family, career cooking. Write it down (not necessarily on your blog). Then go about removing barriers to anything in your way.

Good luck- easier said than done. As time goes on, the clues and the opportunities will present themselves. Be open to those changes and your life will change.


CatherineMarie said...

This is an interesting, and somewhat timely, article.

Emily Gray Clawson said...

I can understand that you're bored. But you are inspiring! Keep going and keep posting so you can help people like me see that it's possible. No pressure. :-)

Anonymous said...

I've been reading this blog for a short while and I have to tell you that I look forward to reading it every morning. You inspire me and I don't feel so alone with my struggles.

paceyourselfgirl said...

Excellent comment Karen. I agree with you completely. I think what you have to say, Lyn, is interesting even when it isn't about your weight loss journey.


Lori said...

I know how certain numbers are like huge roadblocks. I was just thinking that I would be glad to get below 203 and stay. That seems to be my obstacle this time. Sadly it once was 173. We'll get there. One pound at a time.

Lyn said...

Thank you very much for your comments, guys. It means a lot to me.

Catherine55 said...

This post really rang true for me. My magic number was going from 230 to 186. When I was heavier, I had something called Compartmental Syndrome that prevented me from running. Lo and behold.. with 44 pounds off, it went away and has never come back.


Anonymous said...

Hey lady,

I recently came across this article - it sooooo explains me!! I thought maybe it would help others, so I wanted to share it.. it has to do with that one moment in our lives where weightloss is easiest - after that... well, just read it!

Anyway, I hear ya.... you've got more spirit than I though.. I wouldn't even know where to begin in blogging!

Take care,